December 16, 2014

2014: Our Year in Wrestling

Sure, we've got two weeks left, but with all of the major shows behind us, now's as good a time as any to do a recap thing.  There are a few huge, obvious things to make note of, but I had more fun thinking back to some of the little things that I appreciated here and there.  So, kick back, relax, grab a frosty mug of your favorite beverage and your personal electronic device, peruse this latest blog post, and let's all ask the question, "What on Earth just happened?"

 WWE launches the WWE Network.

AJ Styles (released by TNA in December 2013) becomes (probably) the top free agent in the world, and wins the IWGP Heavyweight Championship in his first NJPW match.  TNA loses it's contract with Spike, and signs on to a channel called Destination America.

NJPW's 24th G1 Climax is widely hailed as the best singles pro wrestling tournament of all time.

ROH has their first and second Pay-Per-Views (as opposed to Internet Pay-Per-View).  With the downward spiral of TNA, they become the USA's second biggest wrestling company.

In my opinion, these are the big news items of the year.  There's also the CM Punk walkout and subsequent trash-talking.  There's Daniel Bryan's huge, but manufactured Wrestlemania "moment".  There's Brock Lesnar winning the WWE title and only coming around once in a while to defend it against John Cena. These are things we might look back on fondly, with disappointment, or which we might just forget about altogether.  Who knows.  But here are some things I did like about 2014:

Character: Jay Lethal.  I never thought I would see him as a bad guy.  I never thought he could pull it off, he's just too likable, and I always liked that about him.  But he's grown to be a great heel, and just as fun to watch as his babyface persona.  The TV title (which he's held for most of the year) has been the heart and soul of ROH, and is way cooler than the World title, which has been surrounded by grumpy assholes since Adam Cole dropped it.
Match: Cedric Alexander vs Roderick Strong, submission match, Best in the World PPV.  Not the biggest or flashiest ROH match of 2014, but one that I really liked.  Perfect for what it was.
Shoutout: reDRagon.  Possibly the tag team of the year.  Next to Young Bucks and the Dust Brothers, which is great company.  Also, Kevin Kelly and Steve Corino win my coveted Best Commentary Team Award for the second consecutive year.

Character: Low Ki.  I fucking love Low Ki.  He's so over-the-top in everything he does.  His promos are wicked intense, and he's got the ringwork to back it up.
Match: You know what?  I didn't actually watch a whole lot of TNA this year.  Probably something with Austin Aries.  Let's say Austin Aries vs. Samoa Joe for the X-Division championship.  I watched that on Impact one week.  There were some good shows there toward the end.
Shoutout: Daniels & Kazarian.  X-Men trunks are totally appropriate, cuz I think Christopher Daniels must be a mutant.  Kaz was never my favorite on Impact, but I have really been appreciating his wrestling smoothness and range of ability after seeing him work ROH and PWG shows.  They left TNA around April.

Character: Jakob Hammermeier.  Even if he spent most of the year under a cube, I really like Jakob's dedication to the side of evil, even after his terrific face-turn at Never Compromise.  Other contenders (this is a heavily-contested field in Chikara) would include Ophidian, Jimmy Jacobs, and Sidney Bakabella.)
Match: Silver Ant vs Shynron, Moonraker.  I just watched this the other day.  I know there were other good ones, but I can't remember all the Chikara shows this year.  They seemed to come out in spurts, so that I went months without seeing any, then binge on it for a week.  Anyway, the Colony rules, and whatever match I picked would probably either be a Colony or Silver Ant match.
Shoutout: Deucalion.  Not just anyone could've played the monster so convincingly.  That dude was freaking people out.  Nice monster voice.

Character: Hmmm.  The crowd?
Match: Candice Lerae vs Adam Cole, Mystery Vortex II.
Shoutout: Excalibur.  I think the rotating cast of wrestlers who join him can outshine how fun and great he is on commentary.

Character: Dust Brothers.  Sorry Bray Wyatt, your promos are amazing, but your ringwork is weak.  Stardust y Goldust est le package totale.
 Match: Tough one, since I barely watched this year.  Elimination Chamber match?  Bryan at Mania?  Why can't Cesaro and Fandango get 20 minutes on PPV so that I can answer this?  Actually, I'm pretty sure my favorite WWE match this year was with Seth Rollins.  Did he wrestle Daniel Bryan early in the year on Raw?  Rollins has been killin' it.

Character: Sami Zayn.  What character?  The character that somehow makes me care about everything he does.
Match: Sami Zayn vs Adrian Neville, Takeover REvolution.  The hype is still fresh offa this one, but I know I can stand by it.  It was awesome.

Character: Nakamura?  Okada?  Maybe a tie.  These guys are so top-shelf it's ridiculous.  I'll go with my dude Okada, the shiny-clothes-wearing unstoppable buck.
Match: Okada vs Nakamura, G1 Finals.  The culmination of the best wrestling thing ever.  Easily my Match Of The Year.
Shoutouts: Hiroshi Tanahashi and AJ Styles, who haven't had anything but great matches all year, either against each other, or whoever.  More shoutouts to Gedo and Jado, who will surely win the Wrestling Observer Newsletter's "Best Booking" award for the fourth consecutive year.

Well, that wasn't so bad.  Remember when I used to write two to three times that much about one week's worth of wrestling?  Maybe a hundred other things I should have added to this will occur to me later, like my favorite match from Superstars, and my favorite character from OVW (it's the Body Guy).  Until then, this is Quarter Marshall wishing you a joyful and staph-free New Year.

December 14, 2014

A Tables, Ladders, Chairs, and Stairs Preview with The Poncho Man

Hmmmm. How was your show Rusty? Rusty and I played competing shows in Eugene last night. His was at the WOW Hall; mine was at Level Up. We filmed a music video and had a giant pillow fight (over a hundred people). I'm now at work, and I feel icky. My second cold of the season has hit me and I always feel like death with a cold. Am I a baby?

Rusty said he has some indefinite time off. He also wants to watch good ole JR on WrestleKingdom (I think I sold it a little). I can promise that it will be better than this schlock.....

The Dust Brothers VS. The New Day
Rusty was texting me while I was driving back from Seattle the other day (saw Orange Goblin and Down...and a really good grindy hardcore thrash band from Australia called King Parrot) complaining about The New Day. If The New Day is really Big E and Kofi's way of becoming even more "kid friendly"....I hate it. If The New Day is purposely doing this to get heat....then it's totally awesome. I sometimes like not knowing what's going on.

Erick Rowan VS. Big Show in a Steel Stairs Match
I hope he doesn't become "the stairs" guy. John Cena is "The Stairs" guy in my heart. He takes that shoulder bump on them in every match, and he throws them. Anyway...I don't like bullies either.

Kane VS. Ryback in a Chairs Match
I've had a weird thing in my head that Chairs matches should be like that classic episode of RAW where Jericho wins at musical chairs. Mr. Brooks (I think that is appropriate....he's Phil "CM Punk" Brooks in UFC now...and I'm not calling him Phil) favorite and least favorite person to work with. I don't think there was a build to this one...other than a bunch of run ins.

AJ Lee VS. Nikki Bella for the Divas Championship
I can see AJ getting buried.

Rusev VS. Jack Swagger for the US Championship
You broke Zeb's leg!!!! That's the first completely dastardly evil thing you've done!!! OOOO....I hate you Rusev.

The Miz and Damien Mizdow VS. The USOs
Isn't the USO the group that brings entertainment acts to the military? I bet that's why they call them the USOs. Man....Jimmy is so mad at The Miz for giving Naomi his agent's number. Helping her career and helping her twerk in movies. He's sooooo evil.

Luke Harper VS. Dolph Ziggler in a Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship
This is going to be awesome. I'm really excited to watch this match. I hope they do it right and steal the show.

Dean Ambrose VS. Bray Wyatt in a TLC Match
Looking at this card I think everything is going to be like 5 minutes long. I figure this will end up being a match where somebody runs to the ring every 2 minutes and gets thrown over the top rope. Then at Royal Rumble they'll have a match where they race Nascars around (look it's a really bad/really funny joke). The advertisement feud is the worst!

John Cena VS. Seth Rollins
Too bad this is probably gonna be really WWE if you know what I mean. Really interesting to listen to Dean Ambrose and Dr. Tom Prichard on podcasts lately talk about that there is no "right way" only "A way" or liking when things are formulaic. I also like when things are not formulaic.

 Still working on all the stuff you loaded google drive with. I'm slow lately. I haven't even watched the last episode of Sons Of Anarchy. Maybe I can power through some of it today.

Anybody watch NXT: Takeover:  R Evolution? That was the best thing WWE has done all year. Easily. I don't wanna spoil anything. I was so happy it wasn't spoiled for me.

I don't really have anything else to say.  I hope this PPV is better than it sounds...usually the worst sounding stuff is the best though.

November 23, 2014

A Survivor Series Preview with The Poncho Man

I have no idea if Rusty is reading these on the long hard road. His tour ends here in Eugene. You have a place to stay if you need it. I think I work till nine that night.

Watched reDRagon vs The Time Splitters on the bus coming from Autzen Stadium last night. It was a lot of fun. I like Bobby Fish almost too much. Working my way through it. Speaking of NJPW....Rusty...would you be interested in watching a NJPW PPV with The Marshall and I if Jim Ross was announcing said PPV? Because that is happening.

To spoiler or not to spoiler......tons of big time rumors for tonight's show. I kinda want to talk about them, but I guess I won''s some white text with some names....

Roman Reigns
Randy Orton

 That last one is kinda crazy bananas. The others...ho hum.

Supposedly Fandango is coming back tonight to face TBA on the preshow. Then I read Bad New Barrett is coming back on the preshow. Then they haven't announced an Adam Rose vs. The Bunny match. Could this all be connected?! Or partly connected? Now I can't find anything about Fandango. I'm so confused.

Alicia Fox, Natalya, Naomi & Emma vs. Paige, Cameron, Summer Rae & Layla (Divas Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Tag Team Match)

Sorry, I cut and paste that since it was too much typing. Let us hope for a Paige vs Emma feud that will be horribly botched by the writers of RAW.

WWE Tag Team Champions Gold & Stardust vs. The Miz & Damien Mizdow vs. Los Matadores vs. The Usos (Fatal 4-Way Match)

More too much typing. I have nothing to say about this match. I will watch it. I'm sure I will enjoy Mizdow, and parts of the action. Yep....

AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella
This will sound weird, but I feel this whole ppv is built around matches that they did a fairly good job putting together storyline wise, but I don't care about any of them. Brie might get some revenge here....I think 30 days is almost up or something. Whatever

Dean Ambrose vs Bray Wyatt
Oh yeah...I care about this match...but the build has been horrible. Bray Wyatt doesn't like Dean Ambrose because Dean's dad was a deadbeat? I don't even understand. For this to work, you need to introduce us to Dean's dad. Show us that he's awful and that's why Dean is weird. But now, in my head, Sister Abigail (which works as an imaginary character) and Dean's dad (who doesn't) mean nothing to me. So yeah...this match will probably be good, and it has done NOTHING for either of these guys.

Team Cena vs. Team Authority
I think this could be a cluster of run-ins. Which might be fun. Make this shit crazy. Throw spaghetti at the walls. Do whatever. I don't even care who wins. Make Erick Rowan the last man standing! Why not! He's got a beard! He should be over! I've kinda enjoyed the build to this, but I realize it's probably just gonna be crazy town in the ring for 45 minutes leading to the spoilers up at the top.  Who knows.

I keep yawning from staring at the screen typing this. This is probably my worst preview yet. Sorry.

October 25, 2014

Poncho Man's Hell In The Cell Preview!

So Rusty, you missed nine hours of coastal wrestling watching. We watched AJ Styles lose the IWGP Heavyweight Championship to Tanahashi. Most importantly, we watched a one legged Michael Hayes ( relation) win a match.You also missed chips, salsa, guac, and queso. Alas, I couldn't convince the Marshall to do some DDP Yoga.

On to the preview

Mizdow TV
This is the preshow. This will be great since Sandow is stealing the show. I feel like I commented a few years ago about how The Miz actually gets heat. Lately, he gets generic heel heat, and X-Pac heat. It's really not all the dissimilar to Cena. Who gets X-Pac heat from me and gets Mojo Rawley heat from others. The point of this....Sandow is an incredible talent and might actually be being booked the best way possible.

Dolph Ziggler vs Cesaro for Intercontinental Title
I don't really remember what the story is for this, but it's 2 out of 3 falls and should be great. I actually got really excited for this match when I heard about it. Then I realized that Ziggler loses matches on RAW and Cesaro hasn't really done anything since Wrestlemania.

Goldust & Stardust vs. The Usos for Tag Team Titles
Now I don't even care about this. I'm just a Goldust mark and I always have been and just like how I feel about Shawn Michaels...I always want him to break free from whatever he's doing and just win things.

Big Show vs. Rusev
Sorry, beating up R-Truth, Jack Swagger, Big E, etc does not make me care about you. They don't matter. You don't matter. Lana still looks nice.

Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella
The loser has to be the others' personal assistant for a month. Wow! This might have been fun two months ago when I mildly cared about this. Now I'm just worried about Nikki freezing her eggs and how John Cena is going to show his ass in a movie....

AJ Lee vs. Paige
Still hot. I'm excited and nervous about Paige being on Total Divas. I don't want to not love her. I read that the reason AJ Lee will not be on Total Divas is because of her husband. Who just happened to be on the Art Of Wrestling last week. He of course was bitching about fans. He's really bitter for a millionaire. It's weird how much I still like him.

John Cena vs. Randy Orton in the Hell In The Cell
Again? RKO out of nowhere? Remember when bitching about CM Punk vs. Ryback or CM Punk vs. Ryback and Paul Heyman. was okay thing to do. And whoever wins this will have a chance at Brock January!? I'm so confused. At this point...I won't be surprised if John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar is the main event of Wrestlemania.

Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose also in the Hell In The Cell
Well, hopefully this will be fun and eventful and new. I wouldn't mind if no one wins and the feud continues.

Maybe Michael Hayes will hop on down the entrance and interfere. That would be exciting. He is the OVW Television Champion for christ sakes!

This PPV sound boring. Sorry guys. 

September 21, 2014

Poncho Man's Night Of Champions Preview comment

Poncho: This was too long to leave as a comment to your post.

Rusty: There is another awesome Poncho Preview Post before this, which should probably be read first.

Poncho and Rusty:  We have ridiculous fun watching wrestling together.  My house is awesome.  I propose a meet-up here at my place in Seal Rock during the second week of November, sometime between the 8th and 15th, or thereabouts.  I'll turn [a bigger number] on the 11th, and could ask for nothing cooler.  But here now, the commentary,

Yay content, hooray!  I was so excited to see there was a new post this evening, and I had fun reading it too, as always.  Stuff kept popping into my head as I was reading, so I might as well write it all out... which I guess I usually do, and end up leaving huge ass comments... more content!  So be it.  I think about wrestling so goddamn often throughout the day, might as well.

Firstly, let me address my status as a WWE-negligent wrestling fan.  I do keep up with the basics of what's going on.  I do watch Raw sometimes, though it's often in fast-forward.  It depends on how much internet buzz the episode has, which I admit is dumb because I have no inherent respect for the hive-mind bullshit opinions of the wrestling forums which I use to determine whether I'll watch or not.  As a wrestling fan, I'm kind of ashamed that I'm missing most of Bray Wyatt and Dean Ambrose's stuff, but apparently not so ashamed that I'd be willing to sit through 2.5 hours of hokey promos and (arguably) hokier wrestling.  But please don't think I'm indifferent.  I'm an actively disappointed fan.

My favorite thing going right now is Stardust.  I get your logic that it cheapens Goldust, but I have a different take on it.  I feel like Cody is less of a Quasar to Goldust's Green Lantern, and more of a Beta Ray Bill to Goldust's Thor.  He deepens the mythos of Dustin's journey as his character, and for me Cody only adds to his brother's legacy, while again proving that he can innovate in a time when most don't even try.

Damian Mizdow is another show highlight for me recently, though that doesn't give me any reason to look forward to watching the Miz wrestle anybody.

Jericho/Orton?  I thought for shizzle when Jericho did the huge cage-jump (radical pre-jump shrug by the way) that would be his "out" to go back on tour.  He usually puts over a less established guy on his way out.  Is Orton going to kill him?

"3 inch off the ground jumping thing."  There you go, Michael Cole.  "superman punch" is out.  It's probably copyrighted anyway.  If Roman Reigns's jumping thing is a Superman Punch, then I think I Superman Parallel-Parked My Car today.  I had at least three feet to work with, both in front of and behind the roadside space, but I still came in askew, no less than 16 inches off the curb.  At some point during the 8 minutes it took me to select a hotpocket to buy, make the purchase, microwave, and then eat said hotpocket at my favorite restaurant this evening, my driver's side mirror had been cracked and jammed back by traffic.  Superman Parallel Parking My Car, ladies and gentlemen.

Just kidding.  I parked my car like a Fucking Champion and ate a boss ass supper at a fine old joint.  Only illustrating a point.  Next time I will tell you about Superman Blog Comment Writing, in which everything is concisely stated.

True Story:  When I went to dinner tonight, following the waitress on our way to the table, I walked right by a grown dude wearing a "Oliver Humperdink has a Posse" t-shirt.  For some reason, my instincts allowed me to do this without making any kind of a fuss.  Believe me, I took a looooong look at myself in the mirror when we got back home.  Who am I?  Someone who doesn't need public validation for their love of pro wrestling?  No, fuck that, I should've said "nice shirt."

A Rollins-Ambrose match on PPV would make it.  Because wrestling.

Lesnar/Cena.  Don't care.  At all.  If I was watching this match in the arena live, and some dude behind me kept screaming "Cohabitate", I would not turn around to give him a dirty look.  Lesnar is a great performer and maybe the most draw-worthy physical wrestling specimen since Andre the Giant, but against Super-Cena, he's not Lex Luthor, he's Doomsday.  And those "Death of" comics might have sold a lot of copies, but I've read them already, and didn't care them the first time around.  Now, if only Cena would disappear, allowing his powers to disperse into 4 worthy vessels.  Cesaro: Steel; Fandango: Cyborg; Ambrose: Superboy; Wyatt: Eradicator.

I think the only guy I'd really be excited to face Lesnar would be Lex Luthor himself, CM Punk.  I mean, Bryan is a great heel, and is even better as a babyface, but Punk is a great tweener, and I feel like that's the kind of energy that would need to be built to have a "big fight feel" against the monster everyone loves.  With Heyman in the mix, it seems predestined.

Also, your rant about Cena reminded me of when he beat Batista in a "last man standing" match by tying him upside-down to the turnbuckle with duct tape.

Also also, sorry for all the DC references.  I'm a Marvel guy.  Let's go Wonder Man!  Wonder Man Sucks!

September 20, 2014

Poncho Man's Night Of Champions Preview

Hi guys. No clue if anybody is still watching. Indifference is sad. Here's some thoughts.

Paige vs AJ Lee vs Nikki Bella for the Divas Championship
Kinda hot, but disappointing that there is a cohabitating, baby obsessed, ugly blond streaks ditz also in this match. I'm a few episodes behind on Total Divas, but the premiere was based around Nikki wanting her eggs frozen, and the cliffhanger was John Cena finding out and being mad!!! John Cena comes off as the most paranoid, awful, musclehead dolt with no sense of humor. Anyway, hopefully the other two can make this good.

Mr. O'Shaunessy vs Antonio for the United States Championship
I don't really remember any build to this. Maybe something five weeks ago. These guys have hard hitting matches that don't matter because Sheamus always wants to look unbeatable so kids will like him. Cesaro does cool stuff that is different and fresh, and Sheamus does boring stuff that only Finlay could make look cool. Apparently, I'm feeling bitter today.

Mark Henry vs Rusev for the love of Americans
Saw some nekkid pictures of Lana the other day. That was cool. It's weird to think that Mark Henry is now more of an attraction than the Big Show is. He's hardly there. Rusev reminds me of Umaga. Somebody shoved down my throat that does a good job that I will hate in a few more months.

The Usos vs The Dust Brothers for the Tag Titles
While I like Stardust, I don't love it. I think I'm too big of a Goldust mark and I just feel it devalues one of the absolute best characters WWE has ever had. Are Chris Jericho and Dustin the oldest semi-active wrestlers in WWE? They both do DDP Yoga. Hmmmmmmm......

Dolph Ziggler vs The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship
One of three matches that got a descent build and it is the comedy match. Also, it's the appease the fans match. The Miz does creative stuff (I'm sure this body double thing had something to do with him), just wish he would give it to somebody that doesn't have X-Pac heat.

Chris Jericho vs Randy Orton
Night of Champions 2008? Did this already happen?

Roman Reigns vs Hernia
Sounds like he's winning, and we'll be winning by taking this milquetoast, arm cocking, 3 inch off the ground jumping thing off tv for a few weeks. Sorry, I won't be entertained if you win every match until Wrestlemania and beat Brock. In fact, we will all be cheering for Brock.

Seth Rollins...............and cue Dean Ambrose........

Brock Lesnar vs John Cena for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
If Cena turns heel I will cry. It would be the worst. If Cena does something questionable to beat Brock....maybe interesting but probably not. I talk about the Cena vs Edge TLC match from Unforgiven 2006 a lot. It was when I completely gave up on John Cena. Cena sets up the first table (in a two table stack) that in the end he sends Edge through, and he sets up the ladder that he AA's Edge off of. Basic psychology says "heel (known for TLC matches) sets up these things, and in the end, the heel gets fucked up by them (his just desserts). This match showed me that John Cena was an evil man that WANTS to throw people off ladders into tables, and I'm supposed to believe that he's a really great guy that never gives up. Oh, and he AA's Lita in that match too. Oh...and the top table falls he resets it. None of it makes ANY SENSE. Watch's my least favorite match with crazy bumps.So yeah...he already does questionable things in order to beat people....and he refuses to have children with the "love of his life" and he makes them sign weird pre-nups and is all around smarmy. He's an awful dude...that is booked too look like superman. It's gross. Gross Gross Gross. Kill him Brock. None of that made any sense probably.....whatever....enjoy

September 02, 2014

ECW '94 part 1.5

As promised, here is the video companion to last month's Eastern Championship Wrestling post.  It's all promos, I think you guys will like it.  A lot.


1 Opening segments from 3/15/94

2 Paul E promo 2/01/94

3 Jimmy Snuka - Tawmy Dreamah promo 2/08/94

4 Public Enemy promo 3/29/94

5 Shane Douglas & company promo 3/29/94

6 JT Smith - Pitbull promo 4/12/94

7 Funk/Anderson and Dangerously/Eaton promos 5/03/94

8 Opening segments from 5/10/94

9 Paul E visits Public Enemy 5/10/94

August 11, 2014

ECW '94 part 1

Woah Bruddahs, watch out!  And thanks for tuning in to the latest edition of my 20-years-too-late coverage of Eastern Championship Wrestling.  This edition covers 19 television programs and one bigger event (which was released on tape) from the first five-and-a-half months of 1994, right up until the event called 'When Worlds Collide' which we can maybe watch tomorrow.

Between the stretches of boring filler, there are a lot of great moments to found in this period.  Not a whole lot of great, or even good matches, but there's a lot of great promos and some cool character work going on.  Paul E and Public Enemy can always be counted on to deliver entertaining tv when they've got a mic.  Sabu and Mike Awesome elevate any matches they're involved in.  Terry Funk is awesome at everything.  However, the real breakout star of the promotion is Shane Douglas.  His promos are on fire, his matches are solid, and his character is huge yet believable.  He won the ECW Championship from Terry Funk in March, and every promo from that feud was pure gold.  A face-to-face backstage segment in the fallout of one of their big matches pops into my head a lot for some reason, and has to stand out as the best moment from this slice of ECW history.

Another interesting shift from that March was the reinvention of The Sandman.  You guys probably know the story-- Sandman was working a corny surfer gimmick that was going nowhere, he was getting fat and lazy in the ring, when Paul E saw him in the back, drinking beer and smoking cigarettes, and decided to put him on screen like that.  But did you guys know that to initially turn him, he started to verbally and physically abuse his wife?  The blow-off for that will be on the When Worlds Collide card, so I can break it down for you in person rather than type it all out.  I will say though, the only real highlight for me has been an aside that Joey Styles made which inferred that Sandman was trying to pimp his wife to the other wrestlers for $20.  Another interesting note is that from the moment he turns heel, all of Sandman's promos are in black-and-white, a possible precursor to NWO's aesthetic.

Some of the other characters:

Mr. Hughes-- This guy did some time in the bigger promotions, so maybe you're familiar with him.  The funny thing with him is that he can barely cut a promo without mentioning his feud with The Undertaker, to the point where sometimes it seems like he's still feuding with The Undertaker.  I like to think that he was initially so bad on the mic, that he was trained to cut one specific promo by guys at WWF, and after his time with them was up he just kept doing the same promo, like a robot.  You goin' down, Undertaker!

911-- Introduced in '93 as "Sabu's handler", this guy gets his own thing going as 911, with the gimmick of being a big biker-looking dude who repeatedly chokeslams jobbers but never has a real wrestling match.  When he's in the ring, fans will more likely chant for his manager Paul E than for him.  This is totally understandable though, as Paul E will be running circles around the guy and saying funny shit the whole time.

Mikey Whipwreck-- Debuting in January, Whipwreck immediately becomes a regular ragdoll for the much larger competitors named above.  There are other jobbers around, but Whipwreck takes the cake.  A cake made out of getting your ass kicked every week.

Public Enemy-- I talked about these guys in the earlier posts, but they continue to impress.  Really fun promos, and Rocco Rock is especially fun to watch in the ring.  It could be said that these guys set the unique tone of ECW more than anyone else, both in the ring and out.

Jason-- About as compelling of a manager as his working name implies.  If you're ever going to watch these early episodes, I hope you like the catchphrase "How do you like my suit?"

Pat Tanaka-- In some of the best matches from this stretch of time.  Introduced to ECW in '93 as half of Badd Company (with Paul Diamond), Tanaka (no relation to Masato) enjoyed a brief singles run, with matches against Sabu and Shane Douglas that stand out way beyond most of the stuff that was going on in the ring.  His tenure at ECW was pretty short though, as he and Diamond only wrestled there in between stints with WWF and WCW.

Tawmy Dreamah-- First man ever to survive Superfly Splash.  Need I say more?
There is a basic format for these episodes which goes something like this:

Opening promo (backstage, someone screaming, often Paul E)
Music video (hard rock or hip-hop) using ECW clips
Joey Styles sells an angle
Arena match involving one of the people in said angle crushing a jobber
Promo from the other person in the angle
Matty In The House sells card for next live event, including blow-off for the angle
Music video (hard rock or hip-hop) using ECW clip
Joey Styles sells an angle
Backstage confrontation
Some big guy crushing a jobber
Closing promo (hard sell for the next live event, often Paul E)

There usually aren't good matches, there's usually a lot of filler, like the "music videos".  There's always either a lot of time spent of talking about how great the last big live event was, or trying to sell the next one.  But there are almost always fun promos, the titles feel coveted like they really matter, and it's cool to follow the characters as they progress in their storylines.  There are a lot of awesome moments I'd like to share, and I'd like to add a highlight reel to this post, but I won't get to it tonight.  I need to get up before noon so that I can arrive in Portland at a decent enough time for us to watch a fuck-ton of wrasslin before we go get our balls bored off by Hulk-a-birthday.  Holy shit, I'm so glad I'm going with you guys.  Even if it's the worst Raw ever it will be super-fun.  And it probably won't be that bad anyway.

A foaming-at-the-mouth Taz, locked in mortal combat with a lunging Pitbull, is momentarily distracted by the presence of the video camera backstage.

August 03, 2014

G1 Climax 24: The Halftime Show

Hey-o Goodbrothers, what's the haps?

Now that New Japan Pro Wrestling's 24th annual G1 Climax Tournament is halfway done, I thought I ought to pay homage to it's radicalosity with a big dumb blog post, like so many other schmucks.  Not sure who my audience is on this one, since Poncho already knows this stuff and Rusty probably doesn't care, but who knows, maybe I'll pat myself on the back when I re-read this in a few years.  It's happened before.

The basics:
G1 Climax 24 is a twenty-two man tournament.  They're split into two groups of eleven.  Each guy in each of the groups will wrestle every other guy in their group, which means that each guy will have 10 matches to qualify for the finals.  There are 12 Pay-Per-View events scheduled over a period of about 3 weeks.  The winner of the finals will face the IWGP Heavyweight Champion (NJPW's top title, currently held by AJ Styles) at next year's Wrestle Kingdom, which is like Wrestlemania, if there were WWE vs ROH vs TNA matches at Wrestlemania.  (It's multi-promotional.)

The cool things:
Every match is important.  So far, everybody has wins and losses (with the exception of one guy, who I'll write about later) which means that no matter where a guy usually is on the card, there's still the possibility of an upset.  By the way, there are plenty of upsets.
Every character has their own story.  From the bottom to the top, and all through the middle, every guy has a story to tell in every match.  The booking has been immaculate.  Finishes that were working for guys to rack up wins earlier are now getting kick-outs.  Alliances are being tested.  Everyone has something to prove, and has the chances to prove themselves.  Momentum gains and slacks.
The wrestling is superior.  Classicly hard-hitting Japanese wrestling, with that unmistakably epic feel, boiled down to 8-15 minute matches (another 5-10 for the main event) makes for a series of easily digestible cards.  The events never feel bogged down or over-booked.
The production goes on forever.  One of my top 3 favorite things about NJPW is the way it's shot.  Lots of full-figure camera work, with close-ups only when appropriate.  You really can see what's going on without the production trying to out-think or manipulate you too much.  It comes together really clean, plus there are never more than two backstage interviews, and the rest of the show is wrestling.  Someone pinch me.
Shades of grey.  There aren't always the traditional molds of good guy/bad guy in Japanese wrestling, and maybe especially within the current regime of NJPW.  The characters are more three-dimensional, sometimes even switching between cad and crowd-pleaser from match to match.  Take Hiroshi Tanahashi, for instance.  One of NJPW's biggest stars, he's been at the top of the card for years, but can draw cheers or boos depending on the context of his matches.  He always makes his entrance as a babyface, but if he is facing a younger opponent, he will be disrespectful to them in the match, thus drawing the audiences disapproval and becoming a heel.  Sometimes he gets downright nasty, a real bad guy, but then again sometimes he stays a good guy, and crowd favorite, throughout.  It's all dependent on his opponent, and the context of their contest.  Kind of like real people.

The Japanese spots:
These come up in every match, and I think they're really cool.
The clean break spot.  Early in the match, one guy will grapple the other into the ropes, and the referee will call for a "creen blake".  Will there be a clean break?  Will the aggressor press his advantage?  Will the aggressor back off and gloat?  Will the defender retaliate with gusto?  The Japanese crowd favors good-sportsmanship, so this is a great spot to establish the characters in the context of their match.
The strike-fest.  At some point in every match, the dudes will start to just slap/chop/elbow the shit out of each other.  It's a good spot for one of them to come off as a bad-ass, regardless of who wins at the end.
The brainbuster.  All these guys do brainbusters.  The commentators even call them "blain-bustah".  Rarely an actual finish, it's just a big suplex that will come at a heated moment and get a 2-count.  The commentators have a lot of fun with it.  Doesn't actually happen every match, though.

The players:
Usually in NJPW shows, there are a mix of singles matches, tag team matches, and 6-8 man tag matches.  The singles matches are for feuds and bigger names.  Tag matches are for tag teams (NJPW has two sets of tag belts for different weight classes).  The multi-tags are for anyone else who doesn't have something going on.  Since I've only been following NJPW for the past year, this G1 Climax has given me a great opportunity to get to know more of their roster as they compete in singles matches.
It's tempting to really expound on each competitor, but for now at least I'm gonna keep it brief.  It's 5 in the morning and I need to wrap this up.

Guys I newly like:  I've gained a huge fandom for Togi Makabe and Davey Boy Smith, Jr.  I've gained some appreciation for Hiroyoshi Tenzan and Satoshi Kojima.  The standout in this category is Tomoaki Honma, the "Vampire Chicken".  The 11th hour replacement for the injured star Kota Ibushi, veteran of hardcore matches, ultimate underdog, unlikely hero.  Honma's head-drops have become regular comedy fodder around the house, as I impersonate the way he cocks his head before pancaking to the floor (except I have to catch myself.)  He's the only guy to not have a win in the tournament so far.  Actually, he's the only guy not to have at least two wins!  If he ever does pull one out, the crowd is going to go apeshit, and I'll be right there with them.

Guys I like more:  Tomohiro Ishii  and Tetsuya Naito are having more character-driven matches now that they aren't involved with the Never Championship.  Toru Yano and Karl Anderson are having the best matches I've seen from either, by far. AJ Styles, who I've seen in many great matches, continues to impress in the far east, which takes him up another notch and a half, and really helps to solidify his legacy.

Guys I like less: The only guy who fits in here is Minoru Suzuki, but I think he might pull himself back up.  I just haven't been a fan of his matches so far.  His most recent, against stablemate Lance Archer was pretty good though, so we'll see.  I had really liked him before, but the matches have just been disappointing.

Guys I like the same:  I'm still a super-fan of Kazuchika Okada and Shinsuke Nakamura, a big fan of Shelton Benjamin, Yuji Nagata and Hiroshi Tanahashi, and a fan of Katsuyori Shibata, Hirooki Goto, and Lance Archer.

Guys I dislike the same:  I just can't say I'm a fan of Bad Luck Fale, Doc Gallows, or Yujiro Takahashi.  Takahashi is the only one of the three who I actually think sucks, the big beasts Fale and Gallows maybe just aren't my cup of tea, but I haven't seen either in any good matches (with the exception of Fale-Nakamura from Dominion, which Nakamura carried).  I think the only seriously bad match to come out of G1 this year so far was Fale-Gallows, but Takahashi has had a few near-stinkers, if it hadn't have been for his opponents to clean things up as much as possible.

I'm sure there are other things I've wanted to share, but it's super-late, I need to work tomorrow, and so it's probably time to finish up without even sitting around for a while to try and think of something clever to sign off with.  Too bad.  Sayonara.

July 20, 2014

Poncho Man's Battleground Preview

Haha.....what's the point?

Cameron Vs. Naiomi
Ever wonder with how sniveling and cheatery The Freebirds were, why Michael Hayes isn't more of a proponent of heels being that way in WWE now? Or maybe he his. Or he's just racist. By the way....I figured this little tidbit would be more interesting that the Funkadactyls Explode!!!

Intercontinental Battle Royal
Do you B0-LIEVE? I can't decide yet...but I believe that somebody else will win this. We'll get a nice Ziggler almost wins to please the crowd spot...and it will probably be Sheamus...and he'll combine the titles...and it won't matter. I just really want some bad news....

The Usos Vs. The Wyatt Family
I'm not a big fan of the Usos (as Rusty described them as little Samoan Cenas) but their little series with the Wyatt Family has been great. I don't really care who wins.

AJ Lee Vs. Paige

Jack Swagger Vs. Rusev
I guess now I kinda care about Jack Swagger. Just mildly. Thank you Lana. I heard they might neuter them and take Putin away because of a plane being shot down in the Ukraine or something. I don't know.

Chris Jericho Vs. Bray Wyatt
"For the first time ever!"....since their match in NXT. Whatever....I'm excited to get this feud going as it will probably be the best thing on RAW for the next month.

Dean Ambrose Vs. Seth Rollins
I know you guys are iffy about the break up of The Shield...but jeez...they are such more compelling characters now. I am soooo happy these two are the future.

John Cena Vs. Roman Reigns Vs. Kane Vs. Randy Orton
Who cares....we get to see Hulk Hogan!!!! And Lesnar!!!! I'm so excited for RAW!!!!

I just this second watched the Steiner Brothers' promo introducing the name of the Frankensteiner. That makes me happy. (Clash Of The Champions IX if you care....)

Okay...see you guys in a few weeks....

July 15, 2014

SCN: Oh MY God, Tell Me that the Funkadactyls Did NOT Break Up

Greetings all Hip-toss-sters,

Quarter Marshall here, and I'm here to talk about Monday Night Raw, which I watched for the first time in 10 or 11 weeks.  Was I sucked back into the world of the WWE?  Will I tune back in for Battleground to see what happens?  Will I ignore the product until we see Raw next month?  Or, was I so horribly disgusted that I immediately got a refund on all of our tickets?  Read on, dear readers, and let's go on this journey of self-discovery together.  From the top, now:

Cena comes out.  Cheers and boos.  Oh yeah, that's familiar, except now he's got a big uncomfortable-looking necklace made out of leather and metal.  He announces what the main event for Battleground will be, and it is sounding very silly.  Roman Reigns interrupts him, and wow did he used to be so popular?  I think Roman Reigns got a lot more popular, and so did Ambrose judging by the big pop he got right before being ambushed by the Authority backstage.  Two things were odd about the beatdown-- 1. Why did Reigns and Cena not run back there to try to save him? 2. Why was Randy Orton not wearing a shirt or pants?  He was all oiled up, was he planning on wrastling with Dean Ambrose?  Dean Ambrose was wearing clothes, Seth Rollins was wearing clothes, and Kane was covered up, so what was the deal with Randy Orton not wearing any real clothes?  I wonder if Randy Orton got into a bar fight, if he would be like "Oh no you didn't just say that to my girl, you are really gonna get it mister.  Oh yeah, just as soon as I strip down to my underwear and oil myself up, you are gonna be real sorry you said that, mister."  I think a scene like that happened in the film adaptation of SNL's The Ladies Man.  I had that on VHS, I probably watched it at least 20 times.  Funny.

Sheamus is the US Champ.  Don't even remember who had that when I watched last.  Was it Ambrose?  Miz has a new gimmick, kinda.  The movie star money maker.  It's a really good gimmick, with his face being plastered on the 'tron through the whole match, but unfortunately the Miz still sucks terrible ass and Sheamus has nothing going for him and this match is a drag.  Already the commentary is very obnoxious.

Now there is a backstage segment and Randy Orton is wearing a shirt.  Ironically, it looks like the kind of shirt a person would wear while beating someone up.

There is an air of desperation in Michael Cole's voice throughout the night as he hypes the Network.  I get the sinking feeling that wrestling will never be cool again.

Ziggler and Fandango, now there's a good feud.  Two great workers with flamboyant personas, this is going to be fun.  Oh wait, this match has no story, no psychology.  The announcers are barely paying attention and don't call a single move.  Fandangos ex-girlfriends show up and dance and then rub their coochies up on Ziggler, which he doesn't think is gross or inappropriate.  I am disappointed by the match, but am left wanting more...

Sandow and Adam Rose segment is awful.  I still like Damian Sandow though, and I probably always will.  What in the fuck is going on with him, that he would be wearing a fast food uniform and want to eat the fast food, and then run away from a bitch like Adam Rose?

Among the rosebuds were Rosita and (I think) Caleb Konley.  All the way to the right, dressed like Uncle Sam.  Poncho, confirm/deny?

Usos jumped by the Wyatt family.  The Wyatt duo have a new finisher, which is like a two-man Razor's Edge, which is mostly cool because when the victim is up, he looks like he's being crucified.  I was excited to see the Usos still wearing the titles.  US!  O!

Lana and Rusev debate with Colter (Swagger nearby).  The Real Americans could never get over with me as babyfaces, even with the dastardly Russian (Bulgarian?) antagonistskis.  I try to hold up my ideal of a one-nation planet, in which xenophobia and nationalism have no place.  But that's just in my head.  I did think it was hilarious when Lana said "All of you are stupid.  America is stupid."   That could have been the entire segment.

ADR VS RVD was an okey match, I think.  I wasn't really paying attention.

Interesting that they showed a Best in the World package to promote the Network.  Last I checked, Punk was not being mentioned at all, like he was a taboo topic.

Nikki Bella has a handicap match against Alicia Fox and Cameron.  I still like Alicia Fox a lot.  This match made more sense than most of the others on the card.

RADICAL Sting promo for WWE2k15.  That looked really cool!  I was disappointed that Sting didn't actually appear, but not super disappointed.  Just the video was satisfying.

I can't believe there is another backstage segment with a shirted Randy Orton.  When is he going to take it off again?  The cotton must be soaking up all of his lustrous oil.  He's going to need to oil up again.

A bizarre segment with The Bizarre One himself, and Bizarre Junior.  Probably my favorite part of the entire program.  This was my first look at Stardust, and he's wicked.  I'm totally down.  If Raw was just those guys all the time, fighting off enemies and doing promos, I would want Raw to extend to 4 hours.

I like the whole vicious thing that Cesaro has going on.  Works for him.  Langston and Kingston are pals, and their friendship overcomes Cesaro's mean old ways.  Yay!

Jericho cuts a fun promo, then Wyatt does an awesome one, even though it doesn't really make sense.  Then some violence goes down, with the Wyatts on top.  At this point we get a good look at Bray Wyatt's stitched-up eyebrow, which brings me to an interesting point.  You may have been wondering, "Gee, I wonder what it was that made Marshall want to watch WWE again."  Well, the answer to that question is that I watched a video online, which was about a minute long, of a WWE house show in Madison Square Garden this past weekend.  In the video, a match between Bray Wyatt and John Cena is interrupted by Ric Flair getting into the ring and busting Bray open hardway with a set of legit brass knuckles.  As soon as I saw that, I knew.  I had to watch Raw and hope to glean some of the context for that happening.

And what do I get?  Paige and AJ are frenemies.  Lame.

The Bo Dallas/Great Khali match was great, though.  Probably my second favorite part of the show.  I think I was telling both you guys recently how I saw some potential in Bo Dallas, but wasn't really a fan.  I specifically remember telling Rusty that he was like a boy to me.  A big boy, and not yet a man.  Well, I'm not going to get into the semantics of that, because that's irrelevant.  The match was fun, and it made sense, and it didn't last for long enough for the commentary to get on my nerves.  Easily the match of the night.  My, how standards have fallen.

Ric Flair was funny and classic for a minute or two, which made for some good TV, and then right into the main event which was not good TV.  The match was stale, the finish made no sense... whatever.

My feelings after watching Raw were not strong.  It wasn't a total waste of time, there were parts I really liked, and most of the show held at least half of my attention.  I'm not planning on watching Battleground, or Raw next week, or the week after that.  I've been feeling good with the other stuff I've been watching, mostly because they strive to deliver good wrestling matches that make sense.  You'd think that somewhere in a 3 hour wrestling show there would be a good wrestling match.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again: my favorite part of pro wrestling is pro wrestling.  Stories being told in the ring.  And I''m not talking about podiums.

To be fair, Cesaro/Langston could have been that match, but the commentary throughout was so acerbic, so obnoxious, that a lot of the good stuff was completely lost.  It might have been a joy to watch, but it was certainly a chore to listen to.  And a stinky chore, at that.

When I saw each of you guys recently, you both brought up ECW to me, and iterated that those ECW posts I did were cool, and I got the sense that if I were to continue making those reports, they'd be well received.  Well Quarter Marshall aims to please by god, and wouldn't you know it The Marshall is 3-and-a-half months into 1994 and should have a quarterly report posted within the next few weeks.

And that'll do it for today.  Remember:  Keep your ears clean, your nose to the grindstone, your eyes to the sky, and your mouth on a ham sammich.  QM out.

June 28, 2014

SCN: Singlet, and Loving It

Greetings all Muta-marks,

It's your ol' buddy ol' pal Quarter Marshall here, typing out some wrestling stuff, sitting in my erstwhile fake podcast booth, eating nachos and sipping on wine.  Ain't it fine.  The Marshall doesn't have a whole-hell-of-a-lot on his mind, not a whole-hell-of-a-lot to share with you readers, but that's often what The Marshall says at the top, before rambling on for pages and pages or, worse, out loud for a damn half-hour or more.  What's up with me?  What's my perception of the current state of affairs in the multi-verse of Professional Wrestling?

Gee, but I'm so glad you asked.

First thing's first, Money in the Bank is on the very near horizon, but I don't really have a personal slant on the matter because I haven't watched any WWE programming for almost 2 months.  (Exception: NXT Takeover.)  From what I understand (on there will be ladder matches for both the World Title and the MitB case, which is cool.  I might check back in for this event, or maybe just on Raw to catch the fallout, but it sure is tempting not to.  Being WWE-free has opened up a lot more time in my schedule which I have been using very productively.

For instance...

Keeping up on NJPW.  Something like 12 hours of the Top of the Super Jr.s Tournament kept me busy for a while, and then it was on to last weekend's Dominion.  All kick-ass shows, highlighted by the Super Jr.s final.  Interestingly, my second and third favorite matches from the tournament were the ones each of the finalists had against Jushin Liger.  Dominion sported a solid card, and it was great from bottom to top.  Okada stole the show in my opinion, but I don't really remember what he did, I just have a man-crush on him.  He's sparkly.

Side note: Nakamura has the best entrance in the business.

Side leg-sweep note: This past Monday, started selling officially licensed NJPW gear.  This is awesome because before it just wasn't possible to get New Japan gear in the States without paying huge shipping fees.  However, I'm disappointed with the selection of t-shirts and am hoping they get more so that I can buy one that I like.  Then I can wear it to the next WWE event and be a total wrestling hipster!

ROH's Best in the World event was also last weekend.  It was the company's first ever live PPV (not to be confused with iPPV).  I thought it came off great-- it looked cool, sounded cool, the crowd in Nashville was hot, and the wrestlers were totally on their game.  Again, a solid card from bottom to top, but I'd like to give props to the Roderick Strong vs. Cedric Alexander submission match as being my personal favorite.

PWG's most recent release (which is now about 3 months old), Mystery Vortex 2.  I won't get into details, as Poncho Man is still wading his way through the promotion's silver age, but suffice to say PWG is the most fun wrestling to watch, ever.  The gimmick behind the Mystery Vortex annual show is that no matches are announced until the minute they happen.  Even the locker room is in the dark until they're tapped to hit the ring.

Speaking of The Poncho Man, he and I got a chance to catch the return of Chikara, after seeing a badass rock concert and having a good drinky time in Eugene (I myself got nothing short of hammered). The event had it's highs and lows, but I'm sure we'll both stay glued to the product and look forward to whatever else they put out for a long time to come.

August is fast approaching, and we shouldn't be all dumb about coordinating a SCW meetup when Raw comes to town.  Last time, Poncho and I were sitting in different sections, while Rusty was sitting across town on the couch.  I told Poncho recently that I'm only interested in going to Raw if I can sit with at least one of you guys.  Preferably both.  Now that I've made that clear, I'll volunteer to be the dude who buys the tickets, if you guys can each give me confirmations that you are going and can reimburse me.  Rusty, if your family is coming out again, I don't know if I can buy that many tickets, but if that's the case I would certainly reimburse you if you picked up an extra one for me.

Let's go watch wrestling!

May 24, 2014

You Only Live Twice: The Chikara Preview

All is right in the world....Chikara returns tomorrow! It's been a long journey and really it just created more questions about the future of Chikara. After only following it for the last 2 years...I have no idea who some of these villians are, but I guess we'll find out. So in the tradition of Poncho Man's WWE PPV's my You Only Live Twice Preview...

Jervis Cottonbelly vs. Juan Francisco De Coronado
The Sweetest Man vs. The Aristocrat.
Pretty self explanatory huh? Jervis is a ridiculously nice man, but not if he's tested too much! Especially if he's being tested by a man who continuously humiliates his man servant Herbert (I hope Herbert is still around). This will also be Mr. De Coronado's Chikara debut as he's been a regular on the Wrestling Is... shows for the last year.

The Spectral Envoy vs. Bruderschaft Des Kreuzes
Okay, so I know that Claudio Castignoli (Cesaro) was part of the BDK....and I've read a little about it on Wikipedia...but I guess I mostly just want to be surprised. I would think that Ultramantis Black would have more of a bone to pick with Delirious, but he's probably too busy booking ROH. Anyway....Ultramantis Black, Frightmare, and Hallowicked are the defending King Of Trios. Ultramantis is Super Devious. I also have no idea who is in the BDK now. So I guess we'll find out tomorrow. BTW...Ultramantis Black's record is up for pre-order on Relapse Records site. It sounds like descent hardcore music...and I'll probably buy it because I'm a nerd.

The Batiri vs. SinnBodhi & The Odditorium
Kizarny. Talk about not even wanting a guy to get over. And does this mean he'll be coming out with The Head and The Maxx? Wasn't that the name of the cartoon block on MTV "Odditorium." Or was it the variety show? Hmmm. Well...The Batiri are evil Chikara favorites who happily fought with the tecnicos to save Chikara. Kobald had to come out of the sewer to do this. I'm happy I'm writing all of this.

 Archibald Peck vs. Jimmy Jacobs
Probably the match I'm most excited for. I've been wondering if this will count toward #The New Streak. Rusty: There is this guy in ROH named R.D. Evans that looks remarkably like Archibald Peck. R.D. Evans is on a ridiculous streak of not losing. He's 218.1-O (metric conversion for Canada) or something.  Anyway...we don't quite know Jimmy Jacobs evil agenda in Chikara, but we know for sure that a time-traveling marching band leader is here to protect us.

4 Corner Tag Team Elimination Match
So I think this is 3.0 against a bunch of baddies like The Pieces Of Hate (Jigsaw and The Shard) and two other teams. Now are the Campeones De Parajas (tag titles) on the line or what? Will 3.0 get 3 points in order to challenge the champs? I'm a little confused by this one. I guess we'll find out. Pull out the pepperoni sticks for this one folks.

The Colony vs. The Colony: Xtreme Force
For the laymen this match is like pitting a normal Batman action figure against a Scuba Diving Batman with a neon yellow suit. Or He-Man vs. Snake Hunter He-Man. You know...the awesome version you actually want vs. the lame repaint the toy company made thinking kids will be excited. This whole idea killed the Masters Of The Universe toy line in the 2000s. Mattel didn't realize that most of the people buying the toys were adults and were not so easily tricked. This will also be the premier of the new Worker Assailant has changed his name. By the way....Soldier Ant has been MIA for quite awhile now!!!!!

 Icarus vs. Eddie Kingston
This one is super interesting.  Is Icarus sincerely a tecnico now? Is Kingston really a rudo? Would Chikara really have a happy ending at the beginning of it's rebirth? Or would we really be happy with a guy with the worst tattoo in the world being the Grand Champion and having "her." I really have no idea what will happen in this. Talk about great booking. It would be really nice if Icarus won giving us a feel good moment....only to have him immediately turn. By the way....Chuck Taylor and Johnny Gargano are no where to be found in promotional items....where is F.I.S.T.? Jeez this match is exciting.

House cleaning...
I watched all, but the last match of WOTW. It was okay. I can't decide if I built it up in my head too much or if it was slightly underwhelming. reDRagon vs. The Young Bucks was incredible though.

Four weeks ago, The Poncho Man quit smoking and caffiene on the same day. The Poncho Man often can't stop eating now. He also has been drinking about once a week (rather than 3-4 times). The Poncho Man feels weird.

The Poncho Man is gonna go watch X-Men now. Sorry this was a day late...but at least I got it up before the show. Later guys.

May 09, 2014

Marshall's Global Wars of the Worlds Preview

Last month, when I saw on ROH tv that NJPW were coming over to do a couple shows with them, I marked out.  I marked out like crazy.  New Japan is one of my favorite promotions going, and they have unmatched star power with the trifecta of Okada, Tanahashi and Nakamura.  Let's take a look at the cards for Global Wars (Toronto 5/10) and War of the Worlds (NYC 5/17).

Shinsuke Nakamura

Global Wars

In this one, the ROH guys and the NJPW guys are mostly kept separate.  It's a split-promotion card, as opposed to the second event, which will be more integrated.  Not as exciting, but still a lot to look forward to.

ROH TV Championship 4way: Heel Lethal v. Ciampa v. Taven v. Young
I never wanted to see Lethal turn heel.  He's such a natural babyface, I don't think he's very believable as a bad guy.  This match might give him the chance to prove me wrong.  Silas Young on the other hand, is a fantastic bad guy wrestler with an awesome bad guy gimmick. (for Rusty- he calls himself "the Last Real Man in professional wrestling" and he carries himself like an old-school badass.)  Taven had a really great run with the TV title last year, and Ciampa's great, but his run with the title was less memorable.  Ultimately, I'd have to pick Lethal to retain so that he can hopefully get over as a heel, but I'll look forward to this match most not for the finish, but for the story that each of these guys can tell in the ring.

Silas Young

ROH World Championship: Cole v. Steen
We've seen it before, we'll see it again.  And we'll probably love it, because booing Matt Hardy for interfering is just that fun.  The winner is spoiled by the second event's card.

IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team Championships 3-way: Hooligans v. Splitters v. Bucks
 ROH audiences are no strangers to the Forever Hooligans or the Young Bucks, and both are popular, but I'm guessing that the Time Splitters will get over with the North American crowd instantly.  Partly because Alex Shelley, and partly because Back to the Future gimmick.  Three over tag teams will make for a hell of a show.

Watanabi v. Elgin
The only inter-promotional match on the card.  I'm actually not that big on Elgin.  Well, to clarify, I think he's an awesome wrestler but I hate the "Unbreakable" gimmick.  There are just too many false finishes on ROH shows, and with Elgin's matches there are always three or four.  It's just too much, I like it when finishers mean more.  I'm glad Elgin isn't wrestling Okada, because if he kicked out of a Rainmaker I'd throw a beer bottle at my computer.  Still looking forward to this match.  Elgin loves Japanese wrestling, so he'll be at the top of his game.

Hiroshi Tanahashi

Bullet Club (Styles & Anderson) v. Okada & Gedo
To say that I'm a mark for Kazuchika Okada would be putting it lightly.  This will be an incredibly cool match, with long term ramifications in the NJPW universe.  While I'm missing Devitt in NJPW right now, Styles v. Okada makes a hell of a main event (but I haven't seen Donkatu yet).

Tanahashi & Liger v. Nakamura & Jado
This will be just plain awesome.  Tanahashi is a stud, and Nakamura is coolness personified.  These guys can rip it up and make it look like it's the coolest thing in the world.  The word "cool" is coming to mind a lot as I write this post.

War of the Worlds

Gedo & Jado v. Decade (Strong & Whitmer, w Jacobs)
I like the Decade angle, it makes sense.  This could be a good match for them to get some extra heat.

Okada v. Alexander
How lucky is Cedric Alexander to be in this spot?  An upcoming mid-carder who can get his ass kicked by Okada and look great for just being in there with him.  Totally looking forward to this, it's a hell of an opportunity for Alexander, and Okada's singles matches are always great.

Kazuchika Okada

Tanahashi v. Bennett
Not looking forward to this as much, but only because I'm not as high on Bennett.  I don't get his appeal.  I guess he must be a "good hand" for Lance Storm to want to come in and give him a few rounds, but he never had any real heat until he teamed up with Cole and Hardy.  Anyway, Tanahashi rules and this match could be a sleeper hit.

Nakamura v. Steen
Wow.  This reminds me of one of those EVOLVE "Style Battle" matches.  Poncho- you must be dying to see this one.  So am I.  The hippest in the East meets the hippest in the West.  Lots of hip tosses, maybe?  That's not funny.  Anyway, I don't even really know what to say about this one because it's boggling my mind with awesomeness.


ROH Tag Team Championship: reDRagon v. Young Bucks
IWGP World Tag Team Chapmionship: Briscoes v. Bullet Club (Anderson & Gallows)
These matches don't have as much of a New Japan feel, but at least Bad Luck Fale the Underboss and Tama Tonga aren't wrestling.  I'm hoping for at least one of these titles to change hands.  Just because it's fun when that happens.

IWGP Heavyweight Championship: Elgin v. Styles
Who'd have thunk it?  Well, get ready for false finishes galore!

ROH World Championship: Cole v. Liger
How cool would it be if the Legend won it?  Seems unlikely, but it would be radical.

Next ROH World Champion?

May 03, 2014

Poncho Man's Extreme Rules Preview....

Hey guys,
Thanks for all the content! I enjoy content! Yay!

El Torito vs. Hornswoggle in a WeeLC Match
So...I can't bitch about this at all. There is a storyline to this. It started the week after just happened on Superstars or Main Event or something. This will be cute I'm guessing.

Rob Van Dam Vs Jack Swagger Vs Cesaro
Is this the WWE admitting that they know that no one cares about Jack Swagger? I guess it does have the Heyman/Uncle Zeb thing....even though Van Dam has nothing to do with Zeb. I don't has a story...but it's kind of a stretch.

R-Truth and Xavier Woods Vs. Alexander Rusev
A good ole fashioned squash, AND it has a story. In the end, the good guys will lose.

Paige vs Tamina Snuka for the Divas Championship
Too bad AJ also took her ball and went home because now we don't get the Big Momma Cool/Heartbreak Gal breakup. At least Paige is awesome (even though they seem to have killed the screaming thing/Anti-Diva gimmick that would have gotten her way over immediately).

Big E vs Bad News Barrett for the Intercontinental Championship're wrong. This is the first time Barrett has looked comfortable. He's smarmy, evil, and cutting great promos. I always thought that he seemed boring and inconsequential in Nexus (remember...they lost their first big match...because of Super they never really mattered after that first appearance on RAW). No real story here....BUT it was a tournament to decide it's good.

John Cena Vs. Bray Wyatt IN A STEEL CAGE
If only Cena wasn't so cheesy....
Those annoying response promos about how he aint scared are dumb.
Bray Wyatt is neat.

Daniel Bryan Vs. Kane for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
I like how the storyline pre-Mania really works to set the deck for DBD for awhile. Maybe next month we can get DBD Vs. Billy Gunn. Nervous already that this run is going to end up being like Punk's Championship run...second fiddle to something all the time. Maybe at the end of this match they'll hug it out?

The Shield vs. Evolution
Well....let us hope that this is as good as the Wyatt matches. Batista still sucks. I just wished upon a star that this was a WarGames match. They should have Dusty's random bleeding arm join The Shield and I guess Flair's forehead and we got a four on four spectacular.

So, The whole point of this Preview was just to point out that we've actually been getting storylines. Almost every thing on this card has a storyline, and nothing on here is a repeat of Mania. Wrestling is good.....

Marshall: I am so mad at the internet for randomly ruining Dontaku.
Rusty: I wish you knew what we were talking about.

April 23, 2014

April 22, 2014

Rusty Scraps

Hey gang. Rusty here, posting from my tablet that I don't know how to use. I am not sure if I have posted this in the past. It's the free pre show that was played before the rumble. I kinda think that these are the most entertaining things that the WWF ever did. Great stuff.

Royal Rumble 1990 Pre-Show:

I'm still bummed about warrior's death. The wwe network has a special where everyone is kissing his ass, which is sad. But also it shows warrior all excited, getting to the hof and meeting everyone again. I don't like his politics and I'm sure he was a jerk. But I'm a bleeding heart fag and I feel sorry for him. Coincidentally I just watched wrestlemania 6 and I gotta say that Hogan VS Warrior kicked ass.

I finished last weeks raw yesterday. I even took notes! Double raw podcast coming soon.

Lastly. I'm watching NXT right now. I wanna know what you like and don't like about it.

Sip of coffee for the twerking man!

April 18, 2014

Wrestlemania Rusty Report

April 10, 2014

Spring Cleaning...Poncho Man style.

Hi guys,

I still miss you.

Wrestlemania Thoughts...
So, I don't think I've been as overly pleased about Wrestlemania in years. It was actually a great show...I wasn't disappointed....nothing was unbearable.....I didn't feel like shit was getting shoved down my throat

I'll set the 3:30, the lady and I had just gotten to her house and she wanted to go I said "sure...but I'm bringing my computer." A slight sigh came out of her mouth and I immediately said "hey, I warned you months ago what I was doing today." Quickly realized I could just set my laptop on a table outside and just sit on the front deck, drink beer, smoke cigarettes, eat Samoas, and Cracker Jacks. The lady would come over and watch bits when she was taking a break from weeding. My buddy decided to join us about 2 hours in, and he was stoked even though he hadn't really watched wrestling in years. During the main event, the lady posted on facebook..."I can't believe I'm actually getting into wrestling....go Daniel Bryan!"

The Streak: Totally shocked. I basically missed it by looking away for a second. General public has been asking me why....I just blankly say "you go out on your back." It didn't really upset me though.

So yeah, no real amazing matches, and nothing to be really upset about. Some shocks, and a happy ending.

RAW: I think Rusty asked me why RAW can't always be this fun. The Heyman promo was great. PAIGE! The Bo promos were great, even though I'm not a fan. The Wyatts vs. The Faces was really good. Adam Rose is already annoying. I liked the Kraven gimmick more. Wouldn't doubt they bring Corey Graves up fast to replace a certain someone.

The Daniel Bryan special on the Network was awesome!

And finally...

I was sitting at the bar the other night and I check facebook...and I thought Mister Ooh-La-La was making some existential comment on the character of the Ultimate Warrior being dead. Then I read that Warrior was dead. Jim Hellwig. It was so surreal. I guess it was all just too much excitement this last weekend. I wrote thoughts on Facebook. He was a bigot asshole, and spent the weekend basically excusing himself for being an asshole. Then he died. I'm super sad that the character doesn't exist...but at least I have that WARRIOR #1 to read over and over again.

Okay, those are my random thoughts. Thought I'd just keep the content coming...

Poncho Out.

April 07, 2014

Quarter Marshall's Wrestlemania 30 Review

Wow, I'm spinning.  Partly because it's past 4 am, partly because I've been watching wrestling for 5 or 6 hours, but mostly because I think I just watched the coolest Wrestlemania in at least ten years.

Openening Segment
Usually this kind of thing is lame, but it was awesome.  First there Hulk Hogan saying "Silverdome" a few times, effectively hushing the crowd that was super-hot just a minute before, that was hilarious.  You guys know what a mark I am for Stone Cold, and there he was, large and in charge.  He really made it for me, but Rock elevated it even further with some signature banter and catchphrasing, which wasn't nearly as forced or obnoxious as his promos from the past few Wrestlemania seasons.  The opening segment was fun.

I was looking forward to this match more than any other on the card.  They've been trading finishers for the better part of a year, but had never had a match.  Also, I figured it would have to be brutal, to send Bryan into the main event as battered as possible.  I loved how it opened the show, and how a lot of it was really mat-based.  I wouldn't have picked HHH to be the guy to jerk the curtain, so to speak, although I guess there was the pre-show to do that (which I didn't finish, so won't review.)  The match was great and it lived up to my expectations.  Good story.

Shield v Authority
Short and sweet, I guess.  If I had one disappointment about the show... okey, if I had TWO disappointments, one would be that the Shield only wrestled for a couple of minutes.  But I guess since they were battling guys almost twice their age, I guess it was as good as it was gonna be.  Believe in the Shield!

The Andre the Giant Memorial Over-the-Top-Rope Battle Royal
Big Show was getting put over so much on TV, like "he's the favorite to win", and the announcers wouldn't shut up about him.  I actually bought it, thinking that yeah, he probably will win it, that would be boring enough to meet the current standard.  Alice was more optimistic and picked Ziggler.  What actually happened I would not have thought possible.  Magnificent.  Also, it was just fun all around, and not the shitfest I was kind of expecting.

Cena v Wyatt
This was interesting.  As many times as Cena has teased a heel turn, this time I was really starting to buy into it.  Now that I can visualize it, I'm wondering if that will come into play on Raw, or in the coming weeks/months.  Or maybe not, and Cena is just Cena and moves on to the next bad guy.  In any case, it was a pretty dazzling match.  Cena's the man, and Wyatt's talent is astounding.

Lesnar v Undertaker
*still processing*
The crowd shots were funny, I'm sure I looked like that.  Jaw slack, eyes bugging out.  I sat like that for about half an hour.  I think the match was kinda good but it's hard to think about.  I'll do it tomorrow.  I don't know if I hate it or if I think it was ballsy and cool.  I really wanted Punk to win last year.  Holy fuck.

The Vickie Guerrero Diva's Championship Invitational Battle Royal
Talk about a tough act to follow.  The crowd was completely in shock.  AJ won, good for her.

DBD v Orton v Batista
Of course Bryan was going to win this, I think we all were at least 90% sure of that.  Still, it was a super ride, and should continue to be, as the Authority pulls itself together.  Sure, the story had its bumps along the way, as I was always ready and willing to grouse about here on the internet, but I never doubted that Bryan had a huge moment on the horizon, and I've been looking forward to it as much as the next guy.  I think my favorite moment was when they brought back the dirty referee, that was a great detail.  I hope he gets used more, a la Nick Patrick, that Kenny Powers lookin motherfucker.  Anyway back to the match, yeah that was good.  Bryan and Orton were killin it, and two out of three ain't bad!

Those are my immediate thoughts, post-Mania.  More insight may or may not come to me later, but I'm pretty tired now, so I'll wrap up with some random thoughts which I'm too lazy to frame into proper paragraphs.

-Invasion Attack also happened.  Can't wait to see Tanahashi-Nakamura and the Young Bucks match.  And most of the rest of the card.

-I love the way HHH has been selling for Bryan, especially at the end of last week's Raw-- that cracked me up.  It's also funny how he sold the sledgehammer, that he had to go backstage with his tail between his legs.  He's really been putting Bryan over, and making good TV at the same time.

-Before I watched Mania, I was expecting Raw to be batshit insane, but now I don't know what else they can do to surprise me.  Maybe Cena will turn heel or Sting will show up, but I'm doubtful.  For the past I-don't-know-how-many years the post-Mania Raw has outshined the PPV, but this year seems to be shaping up differently, which is definitely a good thing.  Looking forward to tonight's show a whole lot nonetheless.  Maybe Punk will reappear, but I'm doubtful of that as well.  I have no idea what will happen at Raw.

-Poncho Man, I concur with your appraisal of Mr. T's Hall of Fame speech as being "epic".  I never wanted it to end.  His mother should be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame next year so that he can finish his speech.  I think he may only have just gotten warmed up.

April 05, 2014

Poncho Man's Wrestlemania 30 Preview

Hi guys,

I miss you.

Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational
So, I guess WWE now thinks that people hate AJ more than they hate Vickie. OR they know that AJ will probably be cheered by a hot Wrestlemania crowd. It would be hilarious if her fiance was just hanging out in the audience watching the show. Jokes. I also expect a slight "we want Paige" chant.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Things I expect to see....Goldust and Cody going at it. Michael Cole acting like Big Show being taken out is the most important moment in the history of everything. Del Rio taking out Big E. The crowd being hot for Ryder. Kofi doing something crazy. Rusev lasting a long time (he's not officially in the match I guess). Papa Shango (It's in New Orleans). And finally, if Warrior isn't in it....I think Cody or Dolph win the thing.

The Shield vs Kane & The New Age Outlaws
You know...I don't have much to say about this. I think it should be a pretty entertaining match. Lots of intrigue on The Shield side. I would have really enjoyed them splitting and facing each other at Wrestlemania. Maybe now they'll save it for SummerSlam or something. I've also been enjoying the Outlaws probably more than I ever have. I think the first time around they just made me sad that Michaels was gone.

The Usos vs. Los Matadores vs. Rybaxel vs. The Real Americans (Fatal Four Way for the WWE World Tag Team Championship)
I'm really not a big Usos guy, but I think the chances of Cesaro winning this are slim (I kinda just forget about Swagger...). Spin the bull....get a pop. It's too bad Ryback quit getting time to say weird shit on tv. Oh shit...I just read that this is on the Pre-Show....the fucking Divas get the main show!?!!?! Oh I guess with the Network it means nothing.

John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt
Well the outcome doesn't matter, but boy howdy is this booked well. I read someone describing this as the same story as CM Punk vs Cena, and I guess Punk was a cult leader for awhile....but Punk didn't have that aura of maybe being magical. Whatever....even if Super Cena does his Super Cena thing....I think Sister Abigail will be happy by the end of the night.

Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
It's weird, seems like the internet seems to think this is going to be amazing. I'm a little nervous. Brock wrestled completely differently back in the day...and really Brock has two awesome matches since being back (vs. Cena and vs. Punk). I also remember such things as Taker vs. Big Show and Albert and Taker vs. Big Boss Man. I've probably said all this before. Cautiously optimistic.

Daniel Bryan vs. Triple H
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Sorry Marshall....they got me back on board. I know they had to call an audible...but this shit is awesome. Triple H constantly trolling us. Using DBD to his strengths.

Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton vs. Batista for the WWE World Heavyweight Title
It's weird. At this point I'm kinda torn. I've often quoted Motorhead on here saying "The Chase Is Better Than The Catch" about DBD. The fact he didn't win the Rumble made me so upset that yeah...I don't really care. I'll be completely unbelievably stoked if he wins...and I'll be completely horribly pissed if he loses...but I'll tune in Monday and keep freaking out....I think these last two paragraphs completely contradict but that's how I'm feeling these days.

Wrestling Christmas

The network makes me incredibly happy. It's so easy to use and yes...we can get basically everything elsewhere, but the fact that I was sitting at a bar recently and was able to find Undertaker vs. Hogan I in 30 seconds makes me stoked.
So far they're adding WCCW, Hardcore TV, and Legends Of Wrestling all the time. Legends House hasn't started yet. Everything I've read says they'll be adding tons of stuff throughout the year. They don't own Memphis yet. So far I've watched all of the Legends Of Wrestling and have been watching 1996 PPVs. There is just soooooo much stuff that I can't even fathom getting through it all.

Cheap Heat on Grantland is another great podcast.

I am behind on extracurricular....ROH is still awesome. I think I'm a Romantic Touch Mark. Chris Hero is apparently the Evolve Champ? (I have that event cued) I won't give you DragonGate USA spoilers that I just read accidently. NJPW I'm very slowly working through this year so far. Wrestling hasn't been my girlfriend I have a real one that completely marked out when DBD was getting the shit kicked out of him by HHH. It was one of the happiest moments one could have with a new girlfriend.

Sad that none of us could get together. I will be watching it at the ladies' house by myself...and I already warned her that I may cry.

Enjoy it guys. Can't wait to hear what you think.

March 27, 2014

SCN: Obligatory March Post

Dear NWO-ites,

It's been a non-active month here at SCW online, but I check the site daily, hoping for a Poncho rant or Rusty Report.  I don't have anything real pertinent to share, but feel nonetheless compelled to leave a blog post here, if for no other reason than to mark the passage of time.

So, wrestling, eh?  Yup.  I haven't watched Smackdown in months, and I'm several weeks behind on NXT.  I've given up on Main Event, and don't even remember if Superstars is still a show.  That being said, I wouldn't think of missing Raw, and it's had some cool highlights lately.

The Shield's face turn has been dope.  They haven't lost their badassness, and I'm glad they still enter through the crowd.  Their characters and promos are cool and their wrestling is super fun to watch.  I'm stoked they're still a trio.

The Authority-Bryan feud has been pretty good.  It's hard to fawn over it too much, since I thought it could have been SO much better, but even though they can't fully redeem themselves for the Rumble debacle, at least they're trying.  HHH has probably been the most fun heel to watch on TV for the past month.

The Lesnar-Taker build has been fun also.  The pen-stabbing will almost surely be the high-water mark, but Heyman's promos are as good of wrestling promos as I've ever heard, especially his opening segment from the Chicago Raw when he came out to Punk's theme, got booed, won the crowd over, then turned on them and got booed all over again.  That was simply magical.

Speaking of Punk, what's up with that?

Also, what's up with the tag division?  A few months ago it was fiery hot, and now there's a Mania tag title match set with no feud whatsoever.  The Rhodes' are having singles matches, WTF?  How can there be so many awesome teams and there be no stories?  How can there be so many singles guys having matches every week with no stories?  How can there be a 3 hour wrestling show with just a few stories going on?  Wrestling stories are the easiest stories to come up with, especially the mid-card ones which aren't expected to draw anyway.  Here's how easy it is to write a mid-card wrestling feud in one minute, ready, go:

You slept with my girlfriend.  You're pants are too tight.  Your haircut is a copy of my haircut.  I'm really smart and you shouldn't be more popular than me.  It's no fair that you won our match so I'm going to attack you all the time.

That was just a minute's worth.  Come on, creative!

Getting back to the good stuff, the Cena-Wyatts feud is cool.  I appreciate how Cena's not doing his corny schtick, he's actually selling the Wyatts being scary.  He'll overcome his fears at Mania and make all the kids happy by defeating the monster, which is a great story, and it's been fun to watch it unfold.  The promos and some of the visuals have been terrific on the part of the Wyatts.

I think that's it for Raw, at least as far as the bigger names go.  Maybe the undercard will get more attention when Mania season subsides.

The Steve Austin podcast is great, I haven't missed very many episodes.  A recent one reminded me of a Rusty Report because his phone started going off, and it wasn't edited out.  Of course, an authentic Rusty Report moment would entail the answering of said phone call on air.  Cabana had a good Podcast the other day with Ricochet, one of my indie faves.  I don't care for Talk is Jericho or the Ross Report, so no further podcast comments.

I'm curious about the WWE Network.  You guys have it, how about a review?  My main questions:

-Does it include non-WWE/WCW/ECW stuff like AWA, Crockett, Stampede, WCCW, or any of the other territories like Georgia, St. Louis, or Memphis?  If so, how much of that stuff is available?

-Does it include Nitro, Thunder, Power Hour, Hardcore TV, FCW (pre-NXT), etc?

-Legends House?  Seen it?

That is all.

And by the way...

I hated the NWO.

February 24, 2014

Marshall's Little EC Review

The following post is white text on a white background.  Select with your mouse to read.  (didn't want to not spoil nothin')

Pretty much everything I was skeptical about turned out good, and there was a ton of awesome wrestling.  Shield/Wyatts was DOPE.  It was an epic, I thought it was fantastically paced and executed.  Everybody involved was really really cool, and everybody had at least one memorable moment.  Match of the night.

Batista got roundly booed and also injured.  2 points for the home team.  I know that's mean and wrong, but fuck it, I'm a just a mark.  What're you gonna do Batista, boo me?  Fucking dick.

The chamber match was really fun, it had some cool spots but wasn't too spotty, everybody came off good, and most importantly, Orton got his heat back.  Of course, Bryan's still on fire and seems to be en route to go over big at Mania, which would be nice.

I was disappointed that the Usos didn't win, I've been wanting to see them with the belts after their great matches with the Wyatts.  I didn't watch that match though, so I don't know how badly they lost.  I also didn't watch the pre-show, or Langston-Swagger, or Oneil-Young, or the impromptu diva's match.  Still, I'm up past my bedtime, so this is me signing off.