September 20, 2020

AEW Explained: Teams and Factions

When AEW first started, one of the common complaints was that people couldn't tell what all the factions were about.  They've come a long way since then, but for anybody out there, maybe some of you reading this just started watching wrestling and this is the first website you found.  Maybe you're reading this because you're trying to decide whether or not you want to start watching wrestling.  You lucky dog, get ready to be set on the right track immediately right here today.  This article should explain everything you need to know about some of the many teams and factions in AEW.


Young Bucks

When you're in your 20's and are a successful entrepreneur and a practicing christian and your best friend is your brother, you are a babyface.  Do all that same stuff in your 30's and you are a heel.


Nightmare Collective aka Jocks and Hot Chicks

This faction has a thousand feuds because every time they lose a match they need to keep trying to beat the people that they lost to.  After they lose fifty matches in a row to the same opponent, they will win one, and then the feud will be over because they proved that they are the best.


Dark Order

This is like a football team where the quarterback doesn't like to pass the ball to anybody.  Some of the football team is around the quarterback to be scary, but most of the team is there to hit people with their face and fall down.  I don't actually know anything about football.


Inner Circle

Everybody in this faction is legit famous.


SCU

When you see them on TV you're like, why is this the worst town ever, but then when you meet them you realize they are the coolest people on the roster and the only ones you'd actually want to hang out with.  So from then on you root for them in the way that you like your friend's band probably a little more than if you hadn't been friends.

 

Jurassic Express

Luchasaurus is the armored truck, Marko Stunt is its colorful paint job, and the treasure that they are transporting is Jungle Boy's dick.


The Kingston Trio

(as yet unnamed, Eddie with Lucha Bros and Butcher/Blade)

This group has a curse on them that it is always closing time at the bar.


Push Pending Club

Jake Roberts and Taz are in charge of giving back-to-back sleepytime promos so that Lance Archer and Brian Cage forget they aren't doing anything.  Even when they have world title matches.


FTR

Stands for Following Tully Round.


Private Party

This team tries to be like the Hardys, but they should try to be more like Best Friends, and get Cheeseburger to be their Orange Cassidy.


Best Friends

You gotta give the people what they want, right up to the point where the people start to forget why it was working in the first place, and then you gotta give them some more. And some more.  Tune in next week for more.  You will love it anyway.


September 07, 2020

MMS: All Out of Pyro my Dude

 

The ONE HUNDREDTH Marshall Matters Show was recorded in a small bathroom so as not to disturb the other one-and-a-half members of the household.  The result is a reverberating mumble which resembles an electric toothbrush.  Especially if your electric toothbrush won't shut up about it's opinions on the latest AEW show.