September 21, 2014

Poncho Man's Night Of Champions Preview comment

Poncho: This was too long to leave as a comment to your post.

Rusty: There is another awesome Poncho Preview Post before this, which should probably be read first.

Poncho and Rusty:  We have ridiculous fun watching wrestling together.  My house is awesome.  I propose a meet-up here at my place in Seal Rock during the second week of November, sometime between the 8th and 15th, or thereabouts.  I'll turn [a bigger number] on the 11th, and could ask for nothing cooler.  But here now, the commentary,

Yay content, hooray!  I was so excited to see there was a new post this evening, and I had fun reading it too, as always.  Stuff kept popping into my head as I was reading, so I might as well write it all out... which I guess I usually do, and end up leaving huge ass comments... more content!  So be it.  I think about wrestling so goddamn often throughout the day, might as well.

Firstly, let me address my status as a WWE-negligent wrestling fan.  I do keep up with the basics of what's going on.  I do watch Raw sometimes, though it's often in fast-forward.  It depends on how much internet buzz the episode has, which I admit is dumb because I have no inherent respect for the hive-mind bullshit opinions of the wrestling forums which I use to determine whether I'll watch or not.  As a wrestling fan, I'm kind of ashamed that I'm missing most of Bray Wyatt and Dean Ambrose's stuff, but apparently not so ashamed that I'd be willing to sit through 2.5 hours of hokey promos and (arguably) hokier wrestling.  But please don't think I'm indifferent.  I'm an actively disappointed fan.

My favorite thing going right now is Stardust.  I get your logic that it cheapens Goldust, but I have a different take on it.  I feel like Cody is less of a Quasar to Goldust's Green Lantern, and more of a Beta Ray Bill to Goldust's Thor.  He deepens the mythos of Dustin's journey as his character, and for me Cody only adds to his brother's legacy, while again proving that he can innovate in a time when most don't even try.

Damian Mizdow is another show highlight for me recently, though that doesn't give me any reason to look forward to watching the Miz wrestle anybody.

Jericho/Orton?  I thought for shizzle when Jericho did the huge cage-jump (radical pre-jump shrug by the way) that would be his "out" to go back on tour.  He usually puts over a less established guy on his way out.  Is Orton going to kill him?

"3 inch off the ground jumping thing."  There you go, Michael Cole.  "superman punch" is out.  It's probably copyrighted anyway.  If Roman Reigns's jumping thing is a Superman Punch, then I think I Superman Parallel-Parked My Car today.  I had at least three feet to work with, both in front of and behind the roadside space, but I still came in askew, no less than 16 inches off the curb.  At some point during the 8 minutes it took me to select a hotpocket to buy, make the purchase, microwave, and then eat said hotpocket at my favorite restaurant this evening, my driver's side mirror had been cracked and jammed back by traffic.  Superman Parallel Parking My Car, ladies and gentlemen.

Just kidding.  I parked my car like a Fucking Champion and ate a boss ass supper at a fine old joint.  Only illustrating a point.  Next time I will tell you about Superman Blog Comment Writing, in which everything is concisely stated.

True Story:  When I went to dinner tonight, following the waitress on our way to the table, I walked right by a grown dude wearing a "Oliver Humperdink has a Posse" t-shirt.  For some reason, my instincts allowed me to do this without making any kind of a fuss.  Believe me, I took a looooong look at myself in the mirror when we got back home.  Who am I?  Someone who doesn't need public validation for their love of pro wrestling?  No, fuck that, I should've said "nice shirt."

A Rollins-Ambrose match on PPV would make it.  Because wrestling.

Lesnar/Cena.  Don't care.  At all.  If I was watching this match in the arena live, and some dude behind me kept screaming "Cohabitate", I would not turn around to give him a dirty look.  Lesnar is a great performer and maybe the most draw-worthy physical wrestling specimen since Andre the Giant, but against Super-Cena, he's not Lex Luthor, he's Doomsday.  And those "Death of" comics might have sold a lot of copies, but I've read them already, and didn't care them the first time around.  Now, if only Cena would disappear, allowing his powers to disperse into 4 worthy vessels.  Cesaro: Steel; Fandango: Cyborg; Ambrose: Superboy; Wyatt: Eradicator.

I think the only guy I'd really be excited to face Lesnar would be Lex Luthor himself, CM Punk.  I mean, Bryan is a great heel, and is even better as a babyface, but Punk is a great tweener, and I feel like that's the kind of energy that would need to be built to have a "big fight feel" against the monster everyone loves.  With Heyman in the mix, it seems predestined.

Also, your rant about Cena reminded me of when he beat Batista in a "last man standing" match by tying him upside-down to the turnbuckle with duct tape.

Also also, sorry for all the DC references.  I'm a Marvel guy.  Let's go Wonder Man!  Wonder Man Sucks!

September 20, 2014

Poncho Man's Night Of Champions Preview

Hi guys. No clue if anybody is still watching. Indifference is sad. Here's some thoughts.

Paige vs AJ Lee vs Nikki Bella for the Divas Championship
Kinda hot, but disappointing that there is a cohabitating, baby obsessed, ugly blond streaks ditz also in this match. I'm a few episodes behind on Total Divas, but the premiere was based around Nikki wanting her eggs frozen, and the cliffhanger was John Cena finding out and being mad!!! John Cena comes off as the most paranoid, awful, musclehead dolt with no sense of humor. Anyway, hopefully the other two can make this good.

Mr. O'Shaunessy vs Antonio for the United States Championship
I don't really remember any build to this. Maybe something five weeks ago. These guys have hard hitting matches that don't matter because Sheamus always wants to look unbeatable so kids will like him. Cesaro does cool stuff that is different and fresh, and Sheamus does boring stuff that only Finlay could make look cool. Apparently, I'm feeling bitter today.

Mark Henry vs Rusev for the love of Americans
Saw some nekkid pictures of Lana the other day. That was cool. It's weird to think that Mark Henry is now more of an attraction than the Big Show is. He's hardly there. Rusev reminds me of Umaga. Somebody shoved down my throat that does a good job that I will hate in a few more months.

The Usos vs The Dust Brothers for the Tag Titles
While I like Stardust, I don't love it. I think I'm too big of a Goldust mark and I just feel it devalues one of the absolute best characters WWE has ever had. Are Chris Jericho and Dustin the oldest semi-active wrestlers in WWE? They both do DDP Yoga. Hmmmmmmm......

Dolph Ziggler vs The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship
One of three matches that got a descent build and it is the comedy match. Also, it's the appease the fans match. The Miz does creative stuff (I'm sure this body double thing had something to do with him), just wish he would give it to somebody that doesn't have X-Pac heat.

Chris Jericho vs Randy Orton
Night of Champions 2008? Did this already happen?

Roman Reigns vs Hernia
Sounds like he's winning, and we'll be winning by taking this milquetoast, arm cocking, 3 inch off the ground jumping thing off tv for a few weeks. Sorry, I won't be entertained if you win every match until Wrestlemania and beat Brock. In fact, we will all be cheering for Brock.

Seth Rollins...............and cue Dean Ambrose........

Brock Lesnar vs John Cena for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
If Cena turns heel I will cry. It would be the worst. If Cena does something questionable to beat Brock....maybe interesting but probably not. I talk about the Cena vs Edge TLC match from Unforgiven 2006 a lot. It was when I completely gave up on John Cena. Cena sets up the first table (in a two table stack) that in the end he sends Edge through, and he sets up the ladder that he AA's Edge off of. Basic psychology says "heel (known for TLC matches) sets up these things, and in the end, the heel gets fucked up by them (his just desserts). This match showed me that John Cena was an evil man that WANTS to throw people off ladders into tables, and I'm supposed to believe that he's a really great guy that never gives up. Oh, and he AA's Lita in that match too. Oh...and the top table falls he resets it. None of it makes ANY SENSE. Watch's my least favorite match with crazy bumps.So yeah...he already does questionable things in order to beat people....and he refuses to have children with the "love of his life" and he makes them sign weird pre-nups and is all around smarmy. He's an awful dude...that is booked too look like superman. It's gross. Gross Gross Gross. Kill him Brock. None of that made any sense probably.....whatever....enjoy

September 02, 2014

ECW '94 part 1.5

As promised, here is the video companion to last month's Eastern Championship Wrestling post.  It's all promos, I think you guys will like it.  A lot.


1 Opening segments from 3/15/94

2 Paul E promo 2/01/94

3 Jimmy Snuka - Tawmy Dreamah promo 2/08/94

4 Public Enemy promo 3/29/94

5 Shane Douglas & company promo 3/29/94

6 JT Smith - Pitbull promo 4/12/94

7 Funk/Anderson and Dangerously/Eaton promos 5/03/94

8 Opening segments from 5/10/94

9 Paul E visits Public Enemy 5/10/94