April 29, 2017

Goodness Gracious Payback Preview

So we just turned off the Toyo Province show from last night to write this preview because Rusty reminded me that he likes these here previews. He appealed to my Arrogance™ and gave me a compliment. So I headed on down here, typed the url, clicked the new post button, turned on some Unsolved Mysteries, began typing, drank some tea, covered my mouth while I coughed, sneezed, coughed again, checked my phone, looked at my pork roast timer, blew my nose, and kept typing. (Did your brain do it on it's own?)

Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows on the Preshow
So I've spent the last week sick as a fucking dog. Thought it was allergies (which it might have been), but then there has been signs of strep, sinus infection, generic cold, etc. It's totally sucked because I'm days away from new insurance kicking in. Last Saturday I ran 12 miles; this Saturday I'm hacking up green shit. What this has to do with The Good Brothers and the Jersey Devils? NOTHING! WEEEEE!!!

Neville vs Austin Aries for the Cruiserweight Championship
Seems like these boys made the main show. They had a decent match on the WrestleMania preshow, but who knows if they'll get time here or not. Remember Bob Dole and how he talked with his finger? It was so prominent that Norm MacDonald could to an impression just based on his physicality and the pointy finger thing. I would really love to see a politician who uses a banana like Double A does. That would be fun.

Seth Rollins vs Samoa Joe
So apparently Rollins stole the V Trigger or something? Or he combined it with the beginning of the Rainmaker? Drama. Nice that Joe makes this PPV after somehow having nothing to do at Mania...but it does seem kinda anticlimactic that Rollins already beat the "Big Boss" and is now fighting a minion. Maybe this will lead to a long term feud.

The Hardy Boyz vs The Kilts
The internet is afire with notions that WWE is buying the "Broken" character from the Owl.

Speaking of owls. I did a rewatch of all of Twin Peaks a few weeks ago and read "The Secret History Of Twin Peaks." I'm so excited for the new episodes. I don't know if you guys are fans, but I'm just giddy.

Anyways, I hear that Matt is doing this weird thing on Twitter where he's kinda switching between the Broken character, Version 2, and normal Matt. Seems so odd that he'd be "allowed" to do such things without some truth to the rumor. In other OWL news......BIG POPPA PUMP! Honestly haven't watched any of it, but it made me really excited in theory.

Bayley vs Alexa Bliss for the RAW Women's Championship
This is a fun little mix up of ladies. I am a little torn and don't know who to cheer for. What happened to Blake and Murphy? They seem to have disappeared from the NXT Universe.

My pork roast was cooked well. I wish I could taste it.

Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt in a House Of Horrors match
The belt isn't on the line here. So it's some sort of weird revenge match for the bad guy who got his house burnt down by the babyface? The only thing I liked about their match at Mania was the weird bugs and stuff, even if it didn't make sense and wasn't so tasteful in the amount they used...at least it was new, exciting, ambitious. I'm just hoping this whole thing is guest booked by Kevin Sullivan and it is somehow connected to the Dungeon Of Doom.

Kevin Owens vs  Chris Jericho for the United States Championship (if Jericho wins, he goes to Smackdown)
Well, the blow off is here. It's funny that they're on separate shows now so they haven't really touched since Mania. Did you hear the clip of "Judas" by Fozzy? It had dancing babes in the background with fish eye camera lens. They're playing some festival in Europe where the open the main stage for Aerosmith. I was just happy to read that Orange Goblin is listed after Fozzy.

Silly stuff. Braun destroying stuff every week is hilarious and fun. Roman is a lost cause. I guess this is the match to find out who faces Brock at....wait for it......Great Balls Of Fire! The greatest name for a PPV ever. Out of touch much? Shocked that Jerry Lee doesn't have a ™ on that one.

I'm excited that I figured out how to do ™. I'm going to ™ everything.

Hope all is well with you guys and you don't feel like death warmed over like I do. Enjoy all the NJPW or the Royal Rumbles you kids are watching. WEEEEEEE

April 06, 2017

MMS: 33 Bustin'

The first episode in about 7 months, but I'd have to look back much further to find the last episode I went to the effort of adding background music to.  This MMS covers ROH Supercard of Honor 11, Joey Janela's Spring Break, NXT Takeover Orlando, Wrestlemania 33, Raw, and Smackdown.  That's something like 16 hours of wrestling condensed into a 45 minute fake podcast.  Get on it and riiiiide!

April 01, 2017

The Ultimate Thrill Ride Of Blog Posts

Hello friends,

As requested, it's the return of the Poncho Man's PPV previews. It's a pretty big show on Sunday. Lots of matches to go over. I'm currently watching the Hall Of Fame and stressing out about watching all the wrestling and trying to "you know" do everything else I should do this weekend. Did Ricky Steamboat always have huge ears or is he shrinking?

So....as the keeper of keeping up with all the wrestling...The question is "How is the Poncho Man feeling about WrestleMania this year?" I went kayfabe only a few months ago, mostly I quit reading dirt sheets and listening to Meltzer (even though I love Observer Radio) and only get "spoilers" by accident on social media. I can't decide if it has made me enjoy the show more or if it's helped in keeping my head in the sand where I only think about the Art and not the asshole that funds that bigger asshole wannabe dictator guy. I'm an addict and have a co-dependent relationship with wrestling.

That being said, WrestleMania doesn't look too bad to me this year. Just long as shit.

Well, Braun and Joe don't have matches. Apparently The Big Show is retiring this year? Sami is in this thing. Sooooo....that probably means that Mojo Rawley with Rob Gronkowski will win this thing. It's on the preshow. So hype. I'm sure you can tell how hype I am. So hype.

The King Of The Cruiserweights Neville vs The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived Austin Aries
So, I kinda watch 205 Live. It's on my tv every week while I've been cross stitching Bob Saget (check out my Instagram). I can tell you that Neville as an angry troll is great. Austin Aries is fantastic as a braggadocious news reporter. Brian Kendrick is a shitty teacher for Tozawa. Rich Swann is a dancer. Jack Gallagher is a weird English gent/Mary Poppins hybrid. Then my maybe favorite character is the lecherous Noam Dar. So yeah, the characters are there. Just haven't cared for the wrestling that much yet. Maybe that's because it's basically Evolve through Vince's filter. Anyway, hope this is fun. It's on the preshow so it will probably get 20 minutes, but have 2 commercials in the middle of it. Weeeeee.

Dean Ambrose vs Baron Corbin for the Intercontinental Championship?
Dopey vs Grumpy. Remember when Ambrose was the best part of The Shield? Remember when Corbin was on that show on the Network where he talked about how he doesn't like people, saw some shitty rock music, and bought taxidermy? Hmmm.

Alexa Bliss vs Every Available Woman On The Smackdown Roster for the Smackdown Women's Title
I love Alexa. I would appreciate her winning. I like how basically every woman on the Smackdown roster has a beef with her. It's GREAT booking. She cheated to win the belt from Becky. She connived her way to take the belt from Naomi. She's always talking down to Natty and Carmella. It's adorable amazing heat. Oh, and this match will feature an appearance by The Big Hog in his first WrestleMania. 

Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson vs Big Cass and Enzo vs Cesaro and Sheamus in a Triple Threat Ladder Match for the RAW Tag Team Championship
Ladderskis. Swisski. Sawftski. No Broski. Well kinda...Good Broskis. Maybe I'm the only one excited to see Enzo's promo on the biggest stage of them all? I'm thinking this will be fun.

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs The Miz and Maryse
If you haven't seen the "deleted Total Bellas scenes" or Talking Smack....or Total Divas/Bellas in general....this match isn't that exciting. For those of us that do watch all this....This match is brilliantly awesome and has had one of the best builds of anything on the card. Wrestling reality shows are hilarious. I hate that The Miz has been doing good stuff. It sucks. Really sucks.

Bayley vs Angry Mom vs Charlotte vs Sasha Banks for the RAW Women's Championship
The booking has been a mess. No clue why Charlotte lost to Bayley last month on the PPV. Bayley gives me the warm fuzzies. Sasha needs to be ratchet. I can't decide if Bayley has been treated with more or less reverence than the other Women on RAW. I guess they didn't want to tell the plucky underdog story again.....which sucks. Because of the warm fuzzies.

Chris Jericho vs Kevin Owens for the United States Championship
This is the obligatory "smart mark match of the night." This story has been a little ray of sunshine on RAW since it started and it's wonderful to have it peak at WrestleMania. Finding out the Jimmy Jacobs was highly involved in all this made so much sense. This had the same sense of purpose and timing as The Flood in Chikara or S.C.U.M. in ROH, while still being fresh and new and never feeling like we were rehashing something from 20 years ago. I applaud all involved in this little piece of business. Yesterday I saw that Orange Goblin is playing the main stage at Download Festival. They are fairly early in the day (opening for Aerosmith), but guess who is directly opening for Orange Goblin?

Seth Rollins vs Triple H in a Non-Sanctioned Match
Slow story building is great. Seth as a babyface isn't. I'm sure I'll still be pumped for this. I wonder what Kevin The Dog is up to this weekend? Someday he'll be in wrestling animal heaven with Matilda, Damien, Frankie, etc.

AJ Styles vs Shane McMahon
Not the match we wanted or deserved. I think I said that I thought Taker vs Shane was strong last year. Told a good logical story. I'm sure this won't be as bad as we think it might be. It's fucking AJ Styles. He could have a good match with Bone Soldier.

And now we start the part of the card where the lines of heels and faces are completely blurred and completely confusing. I feel all the promotional interviews lately have reiterated how it doesn't matter if we love or hate somebody, it's all about the reactions we give them. Apparently we're all dullards because we don't understand such complicated and layered characters and stories.

Bray Wyatt vs Randy Orton for the WWE Championship
Randy has a hard time beating Bray so he joins his coven. Once he gains Bray's trust and friendship, he then burns his house down and tortures? his dead sisters' soul. Still trying to figure out what Bray did that was evil and deserves all this. Outside of kayfabe, in all the segments together Randy no sells everything and looks bored the entire time. Oddly, this whole thing isn't a complete awful mess and makes for decent tv. I'm so confuzzled. I guess Bray is a "character babyface" now.

Roman Reigns vs The Undertaker
I'm so sick of being told that Roman Reigns doesn't deserve my disdain. Leati Joseph Anoa'i I have no problem with.

The Main Event

Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar for the WWE Universal Championship
It's too bad that "smart marks" are probably going to boo Goldberg out of the building. He's been so much fun to me. My fandom is always at it's height when a babyface I like is atop the heap. While Goldberg isn't and has never been my favorite; I've really enjoyed the white meat dominate babyface awesomeness of this run. I'm kinda pumped for this match, and I will probably be excited with whomever wins.

Started this last night, passed out as soon as I finished the Hall Of Fame, finished in the morn. I'm probably going to have to watch Takeover late this evening or early tomorrow. Silly Ducks and their Final Four game. Enjoy yourselves. Have fun. Eat some gummi worms. So hype.