December 26, 2013

Deck the Halls (of Pain) with Boughs of Holly(wood Blondes)

Because no-one else I told today appreciated it, I gotta show you fellas what Alice got me for XMas.

Yeah, that's a Ricky Steamboat autographed magazine from 1979.  I'm gonna get it framed.

It was fun to skim the pages, too.  I didn't read any articles (they were all kind of dumb, even the Steamboat piece) but there was a cool page-size picture of a young-ish Stan Hansen, a chart showing the most popular and most hated wrestlers of the time (with Dusty Rhodes and Ric Flair topping their respective categories), and a hilarious Letters to the Editor section featuring this gem:

Keep in mind this was written in 1979, seven years before they'd enter into the rivalry which is widely regarded to be the best of all time.  Hey Rusty, you ever finish that Chi-Town Rumble?  Poncho, have you gotten to Clash of the Champions VI yet?  Both feature Steamboat-Flair matches from their legendary 1986 series, and I'd be way interested to hear if you guys feel they live up to the hype.

As a freebee from the EBay dealer, I'm also now a proud owner of this memento of wrestling history:

I like how the background is the standard for 90's high school portraits.

Happy days.   See you guys soon, I hope.  Possibly another Royal Rumble get-together?  I would be totally into it.

December 14, 2013

Poncho Man's TLC Preview

Holy crap...we're gonna have two posts in one day. What happened to all those posts Rusty was going to do? Roster Madness!? WCW reviews!?

Okay, so a few house cleaning things before I get to my preview.
A. Still haven't figured out who hijacked my account for the last preview. That shit was weird.
B. Lately my extra curricular has been current ROH and current NJPW. I've also been watching all the Clash Of The Champions in order. It's all slow going. ROH is good, but I'm just missing some white hot heat like SCUM had. The Bullet Club doesn't really do it for me (no good promos).  Oh...and Chris Hero vs Johnny Gargano in Dragon Gate USA was rad. I could write a whole report on Dragon Gate USA and Evolve...and momentum. This is what scares me about Chikara. I digress. I think about wrestling too much.
C. I had a blast at Smackdown. My friend had a great time too. Some of my personal favorite heckles I gave were "Korn sucks almost as much as The Miz", "Cohabitate" (which I got an amazing glare from John Cena for), and "Why the hell would you steal Michael Cole's gimmick?" to Bad News Barrett. I got a nod from JBL for saying "Talk about Stan Hansen" and a physical acknowledgement from Cesaro for yelling "BDK Rules!!" Really I'm just a big jackass and had a lot of the crowd around me entertained.

Dolph Ziggler vs Fandango (Pre-Show match)
Did you see who was on the panel??! THE MIZ! He's back on his show! Anyway....I like Fandango. A lot. Too bad he's now Big Forehead Summer Rae's Heater.

Goldust & Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show & Rey Mysterio vs. Ryback & Curtis Axel vs. The Real American for the World Tag Team Championships
Isn't it cool that the Real Americans are over heels and basically became faces. I can't figure out if it's just a mix of smarks loving Cesaro and actual idiot rednecks...or is it just smarks. Rey and Big Show hugging at Smackdown was the only gag worthy moment I saw. Too bad that Curtis Axel is getting luke warm X-Pac heat.  No build for this....nothing to say....

Big E Langston vs. Damien Sandow for the Intercontinental Championship
Holy crap. Big E might be the #1 non-main eventer by nights end. I just hope this isn't a squash. Sandow's stand out performance was stunted by working with Ziggler. I just remember back in the day it seemed like Vince would push everything, and I'd get annoyed because Atom Bomb was beating Flash Funk. Now he pushes nothing. Everybody just jobs for everyone else. The mid card is sad.

AJ Lee vs Natalya for the Divas Championship
Big Momma Cool and The Crazy Kid vs. a smiley girly version of Bret Hart. I liked it better when she was more of Neidhart rather than a Hart. As I say almost every month....bring back Mickie James!

CM Punk vs. The Shield
I don't think we're gonna end up seeing DBD vs Punk at Mania. That is just too smarky for Vince. Punk vs HHH makes a little more sense. Whatever...I can't predict anything lately. Which is good. This will tell a story.

DBD vs The Wyatt Family
Dude....the Devil Made Him Do It. I don't know if anyone else will agree with me...but I have a feeling that this match is more important to what headlines Wrestlemania than anything else on the card. I just have a feeling....

John Cena vs Randy Orton for the Big Deal Thing
All my favorite wrestlers are the guys that chase the championship for a long time, and finally win against all odds. Maybe it's because I'm a 150 pound (thanks DDP Yoga) non-athelete, but Shawn Michaels, Austin, Punk, DBD, Taker to an extent (there was a long time he main evented and never won). Musclebound guys that look the part are heels to me no matter what. They're the douche bags that picked on me in elementary school (Hogan and Warrior were comic book characters....not realistic douches like Cena and Orton). I didn't like Brock Lesnar until he came back because he became "real" in UFC. The "push" doesn't get me excited unless there is something holding them back. It could be size, body shape, race, the character, the fact you look like a neanderthal, the fact you are perfect, etc. I understand this match. It makes sense from a business stand point. It just doesn't really interest me. It doesn't matter who wins. They're both douches. Bill Goldberg didn't get my juices flowing. Batista didn't get my juices flowing. I have no real coherent thought here and I feel like I'm contradicting myself, but I'll get excited when both of these guys lose.

 I don't know why I got so negative here....I'm having a weird week. Lance Storm is interesting. Steen is amazing on Austin's podcast. I'm really missing Chikara. And I'm done for today

SCN: Title Unification, Smackdown Taping, 3-on-1s, Podcasts, and Twerking

Dear Mine Savory Gentlemen,

For the record, I am FOR the Title Unification.  I honestly can't believe that I talked to each of you for 5 minutes this week without it ever coming up.  Or maybe we did talk about it but I forgot.  Anyway, it's wicked important, or as you say here on the west coast; hella important.  It's wicked hella important.  Triple H ain't blowing no smoke when he says how huge it is.  I was going to write up a whole post about the histories of each title, with personal sentiments about my fondest memories of each one and all of that kind of business, but whatever.  That just isn't what I want to write about.

Pretty much everything that Triple H has been saying is right in line with my own point of view.  The championship will mean twice as much (or more).  It will make everything else in WWE look better by proxy.  The WWE will be more organized, and more approachable to new viewers.  Really, the only thing I'm not thrilled about is the name of the title.  The words "unified" and "undisputed" will be meaningless when there is only one top-tier title.  "WWE World Heavyweight Champion" or even just "WWE World Champion" carries a timeless gravitas without any trite buzzwords.  In my opinion, "WWE World Champion" is the way to go, because it sounds the coolest, and most accurately describes it's importance.

I've heard a lot of whines about the Cena-Orton match-up, because of how many main events they've faced off in already, but I feel that this is simply the way it has to be in order to give the new World Title maximum credibility.  They're the two top guys in the company, a natural babyface and a natural heel (of course we all like Bryan and Punk more, but Cena and Orton have better drawing numbers on paper, and they're more emblematic of the past decade).  I honestly don't know who will win.  My first sense is Cena, because he's The Man and I want him to because I'm a mark.  My second sense is Orton, because of Buddy Rogers (heel) inaugurating the WWWF Championship so that Bruno (face) could take it from him a month later.  The more I think about it, the less confident I am in picking a winner.  I guess that's good booking.

Some of the other matches on the TLC card are whack-- Punk v Shield and Bryan v Wyatts?  Instead of TLC it should be WTF hahahahahahahahahahathatsnotfunny.  Anyway, either Punk or Bryan should go over somehow, whether it's implosion of the Shield or the Wyatts with some weird plan of theirs.  One thing I know is that I'll miss all the Punk/Shield and Bryan/Wyatt matches on TV, that is if this is the culmination of either feud.  I guess there is room for either to go on, regardless of the outcomes of the matches.

The Superstars/Main Event/Smackdown taping was really long.  I think next time I'll go for the $45 tickets because sitting diagonally in a forward-facing seat got uncomfortable before Smackdown even started.  I haven't watched any of the shows yet but if I'm ever on camera I'll probably be tired-looking, from a combo of sitting weirdly, and having to listen to mark-ass teenagers behind me talk about pro wrestling like they were experts, along with some old dude loudly compare everyone in the ring to Jimmy Snuka, who apparently was better at EVERYTHING.  The guy did like Drew McIntyre though, and sympathized that it "just ain't right what they're doing to him."  I was really missing you dudes.

My BBF Brendan was a good sport about coming along, and one of our favorite things to laugh about throughout the show was a sign being held up constantly by a 14-16 year old young man sitting diagonally in front of us that said "TWERK 3:16".  That's a good damn sign.

Bryan was just on Steve Austin's podcast and he was adorable.  Kevin Steen was on the other day.  I haven't heard it yet, but I'm super curious.  First I should finish the Kevin Steen Show with Paul London, I'm only about halfway through.  If you haven't seen it, the KSteen Show is awesome, but only if you're Poncho Man and not if you're Rusty Nickles.  If you're Rusty Nickles you won't understand half the shit these people are talking about.  If you are the Poncho Man you will really enjoy the Kevin Steen Show.  Art of Wrestling with Colt Cabana is either okay, good, or great from week to week, but Lance Storm is the latest guest, and I can't wait to hear it.  He's one of my favorite interviewees in pro wrestling.  His RF Video shoot is one of their best (and most coherent), and Austin's podcast with him is just as listenable.  Chris Jericho just started a podcast, but I have no interest in it because if I hear him talk about Fozzy for two seconds I might start to forget how radical his latest WWE match (v RVD on Raw) was.

Anyhoo gotta go get m'crosshairs and m'beer stand an' check out some muthafuckin' Lumosity an' get some T-plus in m'cart, and I'll catch yer ass down the road!

PS If I can find footage of myself (or Poncho) on SStars, ME or SDown I will post again soon with images.