December 29, 2020
November 20, 2020
November 19, 2020
November 11, 2020
November 06, 2020
September 20, 2020
AEW Explained: Teams and Factions
When AEW first started, one of the common complaints was that people couldn't tell what all the factions were about. They've come a long way since then, but for anybody out there, maybe some of you reading this just started watching wrestling and this is the first website you found. Maybe you're reading this because you're trying to decide whether or not you want to start watching wrestling. You lucky dog, get ready to be set on the right track immediately right here today. This article should explain everything you need to know about some of the many teams and factions in AEW.
Young Bucks
When you're in your 20's and are a successful entrepreneur and a practicing christian and your best friend is your brother, you are a babyface. Do all that same stuff in your 30's and you are a heel.
Nightmare Collective aka Jocks and Hot Chicks
This faction has a thousand feuds because every time they lose a match they need to keep trying to beat the people that they lost to. After they lose fifty matches in a row to the same opponent, they will win one, and then the feud will be over because they proved that they are the best.
Dark Order
This is like a football team where the quarterback doesn't like to pass the ball to anybody. Some of the football team is around the quarterback to be scary, but most of the team is there to hit people with their face and fall down. I don't actually know anything about football.
Inner Circle
Everybody in this faction is legit famous.
SCU
When you see them on TV you're like, why is this the worst town ever, but then when you meet them you realize they are the coolest people on the roster and the only ones you'd actually want to hang out with. So from then on you root for them in the way that you like your friend's band probably a little more than if you hadn't been friends.
Jurassic Express
Luchasaurus is the armored truck, Marko Stunt is its colorful paint job, and the treasure that they are transporting is Jungle Boy's dick.
The Kingston Trio
(as yet unnamed, Eddie with Lucha Bros and Butcher/Blade)
This group has a curse on them that it is always closing time at the bar.
Push Pending Club
Jake Roberts and Taz are in charge of giving back-to-back sleepytime promos so that Lance Archer and Brian Cage forget they aren't doing anything. Even when they have world title matches.
FTR
Stands for Following Tully Round.
Private Party
This team tries to be like the Hardys, but they should try to be more like Best Friends, and get Cheeseburger to be their Orange Cassidy.
Best Friends
You gotta give the people what they want, right up to the point where the people start to forget why it was working in the first place, and then you gotta give them some more. And some more. Tune in next week for more. You will love it anyway.
September 07, 2020
MMS: All Out of Pyro my Dude
The ONE HUNDREDTH Marshall Matters Show was recorded in a small bathroom so as not to disturb the other one-and-a-half members of the household. The result is a reverberating mumble which resembles an electric toothbrush. Especially if your electric toothbrush won't shut up about it's opinions on the latest AEW show.
March 03, 2020
Spare Change Extravaganza: Revolution
For the second time of all time, the Rusty Report and the Marshall Matters Show are being posted together. I just looked back at that first one to see what I wrote about it, and oddly enough I said that it was a revolution. Well here we are at the real revolution, Revolution. I haven't listened to Rusty's yet, but I can tell you that I completely forgot to make note of Cody Rhodes' horrendous neck tattoo, maybe because we were all texting about it so much already, but still I can't believe I didn't get side-tracked on that. Also I had planned to sing Jericho's theme song acapella but maybe it's best I forgot. I wanted to sing it because until I heard the choir version, I thought the lyrics of the chorus were "a bacub a bacub a bacub yeah, a bacub a bacub a bacub yeah, Judas in, Judas in my mind". So when the choir were clearly singing "I'm becoming" I was like, oh yeah that makes way more sense but still who cares. And he lost so now I'll never sing it. Anyway, here are episodes 57 and 99 of our tediously handcrafted fake podcasts:
Rusty Report
Marshall Matters Show
February 21, 2020
SCW Takeover Portland
Forever My Dudes,
For me, there is nothing more fun than hanging out with you guys. Normally, I don't even look for fun very often- I like work, I like to be busy, and I like being by myself. You guys are the exception to the rule because you're kindhearted, super funny, and we can talk about wrestling or whatever all day. I know you guys love getting together as much as I do, but you're generally more social than me, so I always want to say how cool it is for me personally. Hooray we're friends.
Over the past week, I have taken the liberty of watching a high-res video of the show we went to, with my hand on the pause button so that I could grab screenshots of us. I have done this for every televised wrestling show that I've been to, so that I can remind myself that I am now a person. I've even done it for shows where I was sitting way high up on the hard cam side. I had only ever found myself once- (with Rusty and company) way in the background of a Smackdown, with Jack Swagger selling a post-match limp up the ramp, bolstered by his Soaring Eagle. Sore in my lack of Network cameos, our visit to Takeover last week was thusly fruitful. Here are a few of my favorite screenshots. Hooray we exist.
I'll start with the best. This was the only proper crowd reaction shot we're in. It was after Keith Lee gave Double D a big slam thing and DD kicked out. Big pop, and that moment is a popular gif because Keith Lee made funny faces. I grabbed two shots real quick, and the greatest thing between them is that you can see Poncho having a moment. (Alice had remained seated for this particular ovation.)
This one was from before the reaction shot- it was like the set-up to the set-up to the big move to the kickout, or something.
Not very exciting I know, but we're having a good time. This next one isn't exciting either, but I like it because we're sort of titled or captioned by the invitation to hashtag. (Sadly, no clear background shots during the Dakota Kai - Tegan Nox streetfight.)
That was Alice's favorite match of the evening.
Next was the women's championship match. The camera avoided us for the whole thing until...
Yup, that's us hangin with the queen. But the biggest pop of the night was when the Broserweights beat reDRagon for the tag titles. By the way, I restrained myself from making this entire post just about why Kyle O'Reilly is my favorite, and the best wrestler in NXT, but I will have to save that for a future MMS. But anyway, this was a huge pop and it's funny to see our reactions. Poncho appears to be holding Elizabeth reassuringly, Rusty is stiff as a board, looking like he wants to kill those douchebags in the front row, and I can be seen slowly raising a thumbs-down.
We didn't get much screen-time during the main event, but in the last camera shot of the ppv, you can see our section getting crotch chopped by those guys that everyone was now desperate to get away from.
Wow we look thrilled.
Well despite some of the people around us, who we will never see again, I am still glowing from the occasion. It was a special day.
The Roster Madness zine that Rusty made is maybe my new favorite zine I have ever read. It's so sincere and beautiful, then so irreverent and absurd. I laughed, I cried, it's a trip. Collages are on display. Thanks for all the neat stuff.
On the day before the show, Tristan's band Witchasaurus Hex opened for Big Business, and they both rocked so fucking hard, it was a great show. Yeah, I'm basically turning this blog into my diary. DONT READ IT MOM GO AWAAAAAY
secret handshake ~~~~~~~~~ Quarter M. ...thanks for the weekend
For me, there is nothing more fun than hanging out with you guys. Normally, I don't even look for fun very often- I like work, I like to be busy, and I like being by myself. You guys are the exception to the rule because you're kindhearted, super funny, and we can talk about wrestling or whatever all day. I know you guys love getting together as much as I do, but you're generally more social than me, so I always want to say how cool it is for me personally. Hooray we're friends.
Over the past week, I have taken the liberty of watching a high-res video of the show we went to, with my hand on the pause button so that I could grab screenshots of us. I have done this for every televised wrestling show that I've been to, so that I can remind myself that I am now a person. I've even done it for shows where I was sitting way high up on the hard cam side. I had only ever found myself once- (with Rusty and company) way in the background of a Smackdown, with Jack Swagger selling a post-match limp up the ramp, bolstered by his Soaring Eagle. Sore in my lack of Network cameos, our visit to Takeover last week was thusly fruitful. Here are a few of my favorite screenshots. Hooray we exist.
I'll start with the best. This was the only proper crowd reaction shot we're in. It was after Keith Lee gave Double D a big slam thing and DD kicked out. Big pop, and that moment is a popular gif because Keith Lee made funny faces. I grabbed two shots real quick, and the greatest thing between them is that you can see Poncho having a moment. (Alice had remained seated for this particular ovation.)
This one was from before the reaction shot- it was like the set-up to the set-up to the big move to the kickout, or something.
Not very exciting I know, but we're having a good time. This next one isn't exciting either, but I like it because we're sort of titled or captioned by the invitation to hashtag. (Sadly, no clear background shots during the Dakota Kai - Tegan Nox streetfight.)
That was Alice's favorite match of the evening.
Next was the women's championship match. The camera avoided us for the whole thing until...
Yup, that's us hangin with the queen. But the biggest pop of the night was when the Broserweights beat reDRagon for the tag titles. By the way, I restrained myself from making this entire post just about why Kyle O'Reilly is my favorite, and the best wrestler in NXT, but I will have to save that for a future MMS. But anyway, this was a huge pop and it's funny to see our reactions. Poncho appears to be holding Elizabeth reassuringly, Rusty is stiff as a board, looking like he wants to kill those douchebags in the front row, and I can be seen slowly raising a thumbs-down.
We didn't get much screen-time during the main event, but in the last camera shot of the ppv, you can see our section getting crotch chopped by those guys that everyone was now desperate to get away from.
Wow we look thrilled.
Well despite some of the people around us, who we will never see again, I am still glowing from the occasion. It was a special day.
The Roster Madness zine that Rusty made is maybe my new favorite zine I have ever read. It's so sincere and beautiful, then so irreverent and absurd. I laughed, I cried, it's a trip. Collages are on display. Thanks for all the neat stuff.
On the day before the show, Tristan's band Witchasaurus Hex opened for Big Business, and they both rocked so fucking hard, it was a great show. Yeah, I'm basically turning this blog into my diary. DONT READ IT MOM GO AWAAAAAY
secret handshake ~~~~~~~~~ Quarter M. ...thanks for the weekend
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