May 24, 2014

You Only Live Twice: The Chikara Preview

All is right in the world....Chikara returns tomorrow! It's been a long journey and really it just created more questions about the future of Chikara. After only following it for the last 2 years...I have no idea who some of these villians are, but I guess we'll find out. So in the tradition of Poncho Man's WWE PPV's my You Only Live Twice Preview...

Jervis Cottonbelly vs. Juan Francisco De Coronado
The Sweetest Man vs. The Aristocrat.
Pretty self explanatory huh? Jervis is a ridiculously nice man, but not if he's tested too much! Especially if he's being tested by a man who continuously humiliates his man servant Herbert (I hope Herbert is still around). This will also be Mr. De Coronado's Chikara debut as he's been a regular on the Wrestling Is... shows for the last year.

The Spectral Envoy vs. Bruderschaft Des Kreuzes
Okay, so I know that Claudio Castignoli (Cesaro) was part of the BDK....and I've read a little about it on Wikipedia...but I guess I mostly just want to be surprised. I would think that Ultramantis Black would have more of a bone to pick with Delirious, but he's probably too busy booking ROH. Anyway....Ultramantis Black, Frightmare, and Hallowicked are the defending King Of Trios. Ultramantis is Super Devious. I also have no idea who is in the BDK now. So I guess we'll find out tomorrow. BTW...Ultramantis Black's record is up for pre-order on Relapse Records site. It sounds like descent hardcore music...and I'll probably buy it because I'm a nerd.

The Batiri vs. SinnBodhi & The Odditorium
Kizarny. Talk about not even wanting a guy to get over. And does this mean he'll be coming out with The Head and The Maxx? Wasn't that the name of the cartoon block on MTV "Odditorium." Or was it the variety show? Hmmm. Well...The Batiri are evil Chikara favorites who happily fought with the tecnicos to save Chikara. Kobald had to come out of the sewer to do this. I'm happy I'm writing all of this.

 Archibald Peck vs. Jimmy Jacobs
Probably the match I'm most excited for. I've been wondering if this will count toward #The New Streak. Rusty: There is this guy in ROH named R.D. Evans that looks remarkably like Archibald Peck. R.D. Evans is on a ridiculous streak of not losing. He's 218.1-O (metric conversion for Canada) or something.  Anyway...we don't quite know Jimmy Jacobs evil agenda in Chikara, but we know for sure that a time-traveling marching band leader is here to protect us.

4 Corner Tag Team Elimination Match
So I think this is 3.0 against a bunch of baddies like The Pieces Of Hate (Jigsaw and The Shard) and two other teams. Now are the Campeones De Parajas (tag titles) on the line or what? Will 3.0 get 3 points in order to challenge the champs? I'm a little confused by this one. I guess we'll find out. Pull out the pepperoni sticks for this one folks.

The Colony vs. The Colony: Xtreme Force
For the laymen this match is like pitting a normal Batman action figure against a Scuba Diving Batman with a neon yellow suit. Or He-Man vs. Snake Hunter He-Man. You know...the awesome version you actually want vs. the lame repaint the toy company made thinking kids will be excited. This whole idea killed the Masters Of The Universe toy line in the 2000s. Mattel didn't realize that most of the people buying the toys were adults and were not so easily tricked. This will also be the premier of the new Worker Assailant has changed his name. By the way....Soldier Ant has been MIA for quite awhile now!!!!!

 Icarus vs. Eddie Kingston
This one is super interesting.  Is Icarus sincerely a tecnico now? Is Kingston really a rudo? Would Chikara really have a happy ending at the beginning of it's rebirth? Or would we really be happy with a guy with the worst tattoo in the world being the Grand Champion and having "her." I really have no idea what will happen in this. Talk about great booking. It would be really nice if Icarus won giving us a feel good moment....only to have him immediately turn. By the way....Chuck Taylor and Johnny Gargano are no where to be found in promotional items....where is F.I.S.T.? Jeez this match is exciting.

House cleaning...
I watched all, but the last match of WOTW. It was okay. I can't decide if I built it up in my head too much or if it was slightly underwhelming. reDRagon vs. The Young Bucks was incredible though.

Four weeks ago, The Poncho Man quit smoking and caffiene on the same day. The Poncho Man often can't stop eating now. He also has been drinking about once a week (rather than 3-4 times). The Poncho Man feels weird.

The Poncho Man is gonna go watch X-Men now. Sorry this was a day late...but at least I got it up before the show. Later guys.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for this one. I needed it. I never watched any of the Wrestling Is... shows, except the last one where the fight for Chikara happens. Shame on me!

    I won't get a chance to watch this for at least a week, as I'll be out of town (going to NYC for my brother's wedding). No big wrestling shows there that weekend. I checked.

    As I recall, the most recent incarnation of the BDK was Tim Donst and Jakob Hammermeier. I think they subtly dropped the BDK stuff when Donst was doing bigger singles things, and then it all went up in smoke when Jakob finally stood up for himself at Anniversario, in one of my favorite moments of that evening.

    Good memory with the MTV cartoons. I think it was "Oddities" though. I have every episode of Liquid Television somewhere on my old hard drive. VCR-taped. I can't wait to see the Batiri again. I remember Kobald was really funny on commentary, and Obarion and Kodama are a great tag team.

    Your descriptions of Peck and the Xtreme Force are spot-on.

    I'm with you in being completely in the dark about what could happen in the main event. No idea. And like you say-- very interesting.

    It's going to be hard to avoid spoilers for a whole week, but hopefully I won't be spending much time online anyway, being in the city and all.

    By the by, I haven't watched any WWE or even NXT in 2 weeks. After my vacation it will surely be 3 weeks. The only thing I miss is The Shield. It really came down to how much time it takes to follow everything in WWE. To watch everything they put out, it would take 7 hours a week, plus PPVs and all the backstage access stuff. I had it cut down to Raw and NXT for a long time, but even those 4 hours is a lot of time. I feel like if Raw was 2 hours again I would feel more compelled to watch it. Or maybe if they just changed the commentary up to be less slimy-corporate-fake-happy-garbage, it would be more stomachable. That's my biggest complaint about the shows. My other complaints would probably be too-short matches and over-stylized cinematography. Anyway, I'll probably get back to it before too long. It would be pretty great if Punk came back as a member of Evolution, but by all accounts he's been doing well in his time outside.

    Now I'm rambling about wrestling when I really just wanted to comment to say, "Yeah! Chikara!"