Greetings all troglodytes and toglodykes,
So, April is almost here and we're still lacking a March post, so here one is. I don't have anything real pertinent to say, but it would just be too depressing if there wasn't anything posted this month. So I'm just gonna riff on whatever. Hope it doesn't suck.
The biggest wrestling show of the year is nearly upon us, and I think we're all on the same page about looking forward to it, but not being super into it. Wrestlemania has become quite possibly the most disappointing yearly event in the WWE, largely because so much emphasis is taken off of the wrestling itself. It's always kind of been like that, where the show itself pales in comparison to the hype which precedes it. Of course there are exceptions, generally there are one or two matches per year that cater to the "real" wrestling fans. This year, that match seems to be the Undertaker-Punk match. HHH-Lesnar might be a fun spectacle, but Taker-Punk is a dream match, not only for the legacies of the characters, but for the wrestling talent and psychological edge each wrestler is known to bring to the ring. I can't wait for that one. And, since I don't have any screenshots ready for this post, I'll just share this painting I made called "Taker-Punk 10-09-10".
I hope that's relevant enough for you heathens. Also, I think the buildup to the Punk-Taker match has been superior to the buildup to any other Mania matches. Let's take quick run through, shall we?
The SHIELD v Babyface Dipshits
In the case of this match, my love for The SHIELD is tempered by my apathy for their opponents. Also, I'm worried that the good guys will win. I feel The SHIELD should win, but I'm resigned to getting frustrated by Mania booking. It would be awesome if they won, though, so I might get into the match.
Jericho v Fandango
This one I'm pretty into. I'm a fan of the dango. Have been for a while. Debuting at Mania against Jericho is a great jumpstart to his career, even if he gets squashed. I don't think Jericho would want to do a squash though, right? He likes good wrestling matches, so this one might be a sleeper. One thing's for sure: Fandango's valet is a dish!
Mark Henry v Ryback
The weight lifting competition tonight on Smackdown between these two was so bad it was good. Or maybe it was just good. Or bad. It reminded me of southern 70's wrestling tv, where the bad guy can't be around the good guy for more than a few minutes without trying to choke him. I'm still proud to rock my "HALL OF PAIN/ALL WILL SUFFER" shirt.
Hell No v Zigg E
Don't care much about the rivalry, but could be a fun match. Much more interested in Ziggler's briefcase.
Scholars & Bellas v Team Funk
I'm glad Naomi is wrestling, she can work circles around anyone else on the ladies' roster right now. It's funny that Tensai's a goofy face now, but I hope someday Brodus will be a monster bad guy.
Barrett v Miz
I'm sorry, Rusty. So sorry. Miz is going to win the IC title and gloat about it for weeks. I think he's even undefeated at Wrestlemania. Barrett doesn't stand a chance, it's fucking sad. I hate the Miz. Watching Smackdown this week, I had to fast forward through Wade Barrett's match because Miz was on commentary and was driving me crazy. I hope he fucks up the figure four again at Mania and is outed by the announcers for having no idea what he's doing. Wouldn't that be fun?
Swagger v ADR
Wow I do not give a fuck
Cena v Rock part deaux
Pretty tame buildup after last year's hype-fest. I feel like they're subtly teasing a Cena heel-turn, but that's nothing they haven't done a million times before. It would be interesting if they actually went through with it, but I'm not holding my breath. By hook or by crook, I'm almost positive Cena will win.
Lesnar v HHH
The buildup has had it's moments (wet spot on jeans, stabbing Heyman with a pen, lots of Heyman promos) and the match should be reliably entertaining. Hopefully more memorable than their last encounter.
Punk v Taker
He stole the urn! Classic!
Here is a much better written run-down of ideas about Wrestlemania tropes: http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/9049089/the-unwritten-wwe-rulebook-which-laws-determine-winners-wrestlemania-29
This is the only site I've ever seen that posts really well written articles about pro wrestling, check it out.
I'm disappointed that I won't be in Oregon to watch with you guys. I went into the Rumble with huge expectations, and ended up with Shattered Dreams (pun intended), but I think with the lower expectations for Mania it could wind up being more fun to watch.
I haven't watched TNA since we watched Impact together. I think I heard they're filming on the road now. Whatever, they still suck. I won't watch it until Hogan and Bischoff are gone. You know what's sad? I recently watched a TNA match from 2009 between Kurt Angle and Desmond Woolf (Nigel McGuinness) and it was totally awesome, and the booking of it was really cool and there was a lot of interesting things going on. Now it's total garbage. Total Nasty Ass. Testicle Nads Adenoids. Trashy No-good Adamsandler. Terrible Nose Atchoo.
The current season is shaping up nicely, though I'm not totally up-to-date. More of the same fun excellent wrestling goodness.
Recently wrote on the forum about how awesome ROH has been since they replaced Cornette with Delirious. The stories are fresh, the matches are looser and more fun, the whole atmosphere of the promotion has brightened and improved exponentially. ROH is currently my favorite promotion.
Can't think of whatever else to say. I really like Emma on NXT.
Keep your heads warm and dry, and don't forget to avoid cold gusts of wind. QUARTER MARSHALL OUT