April 06, 2017

MMS: 33 Bustin'


The first episode in about 7 months, but I'd have to look back much further to find the last episode I went to the effort of adding background music to.  This MMS covers ROH Supercard of Honor 11, Joey Janela's Spring Break, NXT Takeover Orlando, Wrestlemania 33, Raw, and Smackdown.  That's something like 16 hours of wrestling condensed into a 45 minute fake podcast.  Get on it and riiiiide!

April 01, 2017

The Ultimate Thrill Ride Of Blog Posts

Hello friends,

As requested, it's the return of the Poncho Man's PPV previews. It's a pretty big show on Sunday. Lots of matches to go over. I'm currently watching the Hall Of Fame and stressing out about watching all the wrestling and trying to "you know" do everything else I should do this weekend. Did Ricky Steamboat always have huge ears or is he shrinking?

So....as the keeper of keeping up with all the wrestling...The question is "How is the Poncho Man feeling about WrestleMania this year?" I went kayfabe only a few months ago, mostly I quit reading dirt sheets and listening to Meltzer (even though I love Observer Radio) and only get "spoilers" by accident on social media. I can't decide if it has made me enjoy the show more or if it's helped in keeping my head in the sand where I only think about the Art and not the asshole that funds that bigger asshole wannabe dictator guy. I'm an addict and have a co-dependent relationship with wrestling.

That being said, WrestleMania doesn't look too bad to me this year. Just long as shit.

ATGBR
Well, Braun and Joe don't have matches. Apparently The Big Show is retiring this year? Sami is in this thing. Sooooo....that probably means that Mojo Rawley with Rob Gronkowski will win this thing. It's on the preshow. So hype. I'm sure you can tell how hype I am. So hype.

The King Of The Cruiserweights Neville vs The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived Austin Aries
So, I kinda watch 205 Live. It's on my tv every week while I've been cross stitching Bob Saget (check out my Instagram). I can tell you that Neville as an angry troll is great. Austin Aries is fantastic as a braggadocious news reporter. Brian Kendrick is a shitty teacher for Tozawa. Rich Swann is a dancer. Jack Gallagher is a weird English gent/Mary Poppins hybrid. Then my maybe favorite character is the lecherous Noam Dar. So yeah, the characters are there. Just haven't cared for the wrestling that much yet. Maybe that's because it's basically Evolve through Vince's filter. Anyway, hope this is fun. It's on the preshow so it will probably get 20 minutes, but have 2 commercials in the middle of it. Weeeeee.

Dean Ambrose vs Baron Corbin for the Intercontinental Championship?
Dopey vs Grumpy. Remember when Ambrose was the best part of The Shield? Remember when Corbin was on that show on the Network where he talked about how he doesn't like people, saw some shitty rock music, and bought taxidermy? Hmmm.

Alexa Bliss vs Every Available Woman On The Smackdown Roster for the Smackdown Women's Title
I love Alexa. I would appreciate her winning. I like how basically every woman on the Smackdown roster has a beef with her. It's GREAT booking. She cheated to win the belt from Becky. She connived her way to take the belt from Naomi. She's always talking down to Natty and Carmella. It's adorable amazing heat. Oh, and this match will feature an appearance by The Big Hog in his first WrestleMania. 

Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson vs Big Cass and Enzo vs Cesaro and Sheamus in a Triple Threat Ladder Match for the RAW Tag Team Championship
Ladderskis. Swisski. Sawftski. No Broski. Well kinda...Good Broskis. Maybe I'm the only one excited to see Enzo's promo on the biggest stage of them all? I'm thinking this will be fun.

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs The Miz and Maryse
If you haven't seen the "deleted Total Bellas scenes" or Talking Smack....or Total Divas/Bellas in general....this match isn't that exciting. For those of us that do watch all this....This match is brilliantly awesome and has had one of the best builds of anything on the card. Wrestling reality shows are hilarious. I hate that The Miz has been doing good stuff. It sucks. Really sucks.

Bayley vs Angry Mom vs Charlotte vs Sasha Banks for the RAW Women's Championship
The booking has been a mess. No clue why Charlotte lost to Bayley last month on the PPV. Bayley gives me the warm fuzzies. Sasha needs to be ratchet. I can't decide if Bayley has been treated with more or less reverence than the other Women on RAW. I guess they didn't want to tell the plucky underdog story again.....which sucks. Because of the warm fuzzies.

Chris Jericho vs Kevin Owens for the United States Championship
This is the obligatory "smart mark match of the night." This story has been a little ray of sunshine on RAW since it started and it's wonderful to have it peak at WrestleMania. Finding out the Jimmy Jacobs was highly involved in all this made so much sense. This had the same sense of purpose and timing as The Flood in Chikara or S.C.U.M. in ROH, while still being fresh and new and never feeling like we were rehashing something from 20 years ago. I applaud all involved in this little piece of business. Yesterday I saw that Orange Goblin is playing the main stage at Download Festival. They are fairly early in the day (opening for Aerosmith), but guess who is directly opening for Orange Goblin?

Seth Rollins vs Triple H in a Non-Sanctioned Match
Slow story building is great. Seth as a babyface isn't. I'm sure I'll still be pumped for this. I wonder what Kevin The Dog is up to this weekend? Someday he'll be in wrestling animal heaven with Matilda, Damien, Frankie, etc.

AJ Styles vs Shane McMahon
Not the match we wanted or deserved. I think I said that I thought Taker vs Shane was strong last year. Told a good logical story. I'm sure this won't be as bad as we think it might be. It's fucking AJ Styles. He could have a good match with Bone Soldier.

And now we start the part of the card where the lines of heels and faces are completely blurred and completely confusing. I feel all the promotional interviews lately have reiterated how it doesn't matter if we love or hate somebody, it's all about the reactions we give them. Apparently we're all dullards because we don't understand such complicated and layered characters and stories.

Bray Wyatt vs Randy Orton for the WWE Championship
Randy has a hard time beating Bray so he joins his coven. Once he gains Bray's trust and friendship, he then burns his house down and tortures? his dead sisters' soul. Still trying to figure out what Bray did that was evil and deserves all this. Outside of kayfabe, in all the segments together Randy no sells everything and looks bored the entire time. Oddly, this whole thing isn't a complete awful mess and makes for decent tv. I'm so confuzzled. I guess Bray is a "character babyface" now.

Roman Reigns vs The Undertaker
I'm so sick of being told that Roman Reigns doesn't deserve my disdain. Leati Joseph Anoa'i I have no problem with.

The Main Event

Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar for the WWE Universal Championship
It's too bad that "smart marks" are probably going to boo Goldberg out of the building. He's been so much fun to me. My fandom is always at it's height when a babyface I like is atop the heap. While Goldberg isn't and has never been my favorite; I've really enjoyed the white meat dominate babyface awesomeness of this run. I'm kinda pumped for this match, and I will probably be excited with whomever wins.

Started this last night, passed out as soon as I finished the Hall Of Fame, finished in the morn. I'm probably going to have to watch Takeover late this evening or early tomorrow. Silly Ducks and their Final Four game. Enjoy yourselves. Have fun. Eat some gummi worms. So hype.

March 29, 2017

Mania Weekend of the Heart

For the past two months, the front page of SCW has featured a snarky, sarcastic, bitter, jaded column which I wrote because I was frustrated with myself for being excited (in my heart) for a WWE PPV which I believed (in my brain) would be a waste of time.  I'm not saying it wasn't funny (I'm hilarious), but for it to be the most recent post for so long has given a tinge of negativity to SCW, and that ain't right.  With this post, I'd like to shine a light on some of the things I'm looking forward to watching this weekend.  Obviously, there will be more shows than I'll be able to watch, including shows from promotions I like but don't follow closely, like Evolve, Chikara and WWE.  :)

ROH Supercard of Honor 11

This is the overall card I'm most looking forward to.  Largely because Silas Young is on it.  Headlined by tag champs the Young Bucks defending against the Broken Hardys, which could be argued is as much of a dream match for smarks as Goldberg vs Lesnar is for marks.  Chris Daniel's World title being challenged by Dalton Castle, and Marty Scurll's TV title being challenged by Adam Cole are great secondary main-event-level matches, the rest of the show looks to be reliably solid.  The Briscoes/Bully vs GOD/Hangman match is the only one that doesn't make sense to me on paper, but it'll probably have its moments.  I'll be looking for Ospreay/Volador vs Lee/White to steal the early half of the show, and the Kingdom vs Young/Bruiser match to deliver huge entertainment value.  I'm curious with that one whether the Kingdom will be finding a third member (assuming that TK ORyan is still injured) so that they can continue to defend their 3-man tag titles.  Silas and Beer City Bruiser cut a promo on ROH tv saying they'd found the perfect guy to join them to challenge for the 3-man belts, so of course I'm very curious who they're looking at.  They did the same promo once before, and Bull James came out, they wrestled a 3-man match together, everything seemed fine, and then they jumped him.  I wouldn't hate it if they worked the same kind of gimmick on somebody else.  I've been thinking about doing another Fave Five list so that I could put Silas Young on it.  Okada, Naito, Styles, Ishii, Young... yeah I dunno something like that.

NXT Takeover Orlando

Right now the wikipedia page for this event only lists 5 matches.  I want to watch all of them.  I don't understand why the team of crazy people are called Sanity, but then again, how much better would the Social Outcasts have been if they were called the Cool Kids?  Nakamura and Asuka could steal this show, and possibly the entire weekend, but DIY and the Revival have stolen shows before, especially when sharing the ring, so that will be another one to watch.  Tommy End will debut as Aleister Black.  Killian Big Damo Dain and Roddy Strong will share a ring.  Heidi Lovelace has a cool new name.  Nikki Cross is my tv crush.

Wrestlemania 33

Neville vs Aries is a world-class badass match.  Wyatt/Orton could be an interesting character thing.  Styles/McMahon will be interesting from the standpoint of being a fan who tends to heavily favor the "workers" (as exemplified by AJ).  Owens/Jericho should be fun, though I would really like to see them be friends forever (hug it out?  hug it out?)  The tag three-way should also be fun, there's a lot of greatness that could come out of that.  The Raw women's match has potential, and they'll be gunning to try and steal the show.  For me, Rollins/HHH has had the most compelling build, and is also the most compelling match-up wrestling-wise, so this will be my most anticipated story to be told on Sunday.  I wish they'd bring in YoshiTatsu to do color commentary for that one, so he could monosyllabically explain how devastating the pedigree is.  The other matches on the card could be good as well, but that's what I'm excited about.

TV shows after Mania

Will Smackdown Live be the new Raw after Raw after Wrestlemania?  I wonder.  I'll be watching both shows and waiting for Finn to come back, and for Nakamura to show up.  If I had my drothers, Shinsuke would be a Raw guy, and Finn would be Smackdown, thought I wouldn't complain unless they just both went to Raw.  Just so long as one of them can wrestle AJ, I'll be happy and at least marginally reinvested in WWE tv.

Another thing I'll be looking forward to is hearing about what shows get a buzz, because that will get me to watch new things that I hadn't planned on or possibly even heard of before.  

Long live wrestling.  Long live friendship.  Long live SCW.

January 24, 2017

Rumblings of the Heart

The Royal Rumble is 5 days away, and unless they announce something on Twitter in that time, all of the Rumble Entrants have been announced.  They are (in order of their listing on wwe.com) the Undertaker, Goldberg, Brock Lesnar, Big Show, Dean Ambose, The Miz, Sami Zayn, Dolph Ziggler, Big E, Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston, Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton, Luke Harper, Mojo Rawley, Braun Strowman, Chris Jericho, Baron Corbin, Cesaro, Sheamus, Big Cass, and Rusev.  That's 22 fellas, leaving 8 spots open.

Every year I get really excited for the Rumble match, and every year there are cool moments, but I feel really disappointed with the winner, and the direction of things heading into Wrestlemania.  I think that part of my problem is that I spend so much time thinking about all the super-great things that could happen, my expectations get too high, and there's just no way they could live up to the hype I've built in my head.  Well, this year's going to be different.  This year I'm keeping my expectations low, and to help you guys out I'm going to share those expectations here in blog form.

Surprise Entrant #1: A skinny little chap comes out in an "I [heart] NY" shirt, a Yankees cap, blue jeans, and a camera hanging from a strap around his neck.  It's Danny "Shucks" McCallister, a new tourist character played by the former Finn Balor!  Instead of that tired old gimmick of being an ab god/sex bomb with a leather jacket, and mysterious once-a-month hump monster, now his thing will be that he comes out smiling in bewonderment, taking pictures of the ceiling, and then his opponent (usually a good guy) breaks his camera.  At this point, Danny will get real sad and cry and try to pick the pieces up, but when he has them mostly picked up, the opponent will do a move on him, and the camera pieces will go flying everywhere.  The strangest thing though, is that he speaks with a southern American accent, like a hayseed yokel.

Surprise Entrants #2 and #3: Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows (or, as they're now known in the WWE: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson) limp to the ring, having gotten their asses kicked in the preshow against the announced Rumble entrants Cesaro and Sheamus.  They are thrown out immediately, Bushwacker style, faster than you can say "hot Asian wife".  They don't even get a reunion moment with Danny "Shucks" McCallister because the only ones to greet them in the ring are the past and present tag champs.

Surprise Entrant #4: Daniel Bryan's music hits and he comes out Yessing, and is wearing that cool DB jacket he wore that one time when he was wrestling Punk.  He walks with great purpose to the edge of the stage, runs his eyeballs over the crowd, and turns and walks over to the commentary table.  He goes to take his seat, but then David Otunga's music hits and he comes out all oiled up and slides into Bryan's chair and puts the headset on so it's all covered with his body muscle oil and stuff, so Bryan's just like, "whatever dude, so gross", waves at the crowd apologetically, and goes toward the back around the side of the stage but gets hit by Paige drunk-driving her fiance Alberto Del Rio's Cadillac because she's so fucked up she thinks its 2012.  And Daniel Bryan dies.

Surprise Entrant #5: Because to be Samoan in the WWE you have to be related to Yokozuna and Rikishi and Afa and Sika and the Rock and Roman Reigns, etc, Samoa Joe will be renamed.  The plan is for his character to be the same, but he will make his main roster debut as Pacific Island Joe.  This has been planned out for months.  There is tons of backstage talk about the arrival of Pacific Island Joe.  Eventually, everyone just starts saying P.I. Joe because it's way easier.  P.I. Joe is so over with Vince that he is talking about him all the time, so much so that the character takes on a life of his own in Vince's head.  In Vince's head, P.I. Joe is a tall white guy with short blond hair and combat fatigues and aviator shades, and the gun he carries is legit.  Jack Swagger re-debuts as P.I. Joe, even coming out to Samoa Joe's NXT music, and the crowd boos but Vince thinks its pure magic, and all of Vince's yesmen say what a great idea this was, then turn around and call Samoa Joe on the phone and tell him to go away.

Surprise Entrant #6: Mojo Rawley.  Oh wait, he's already announced?

Surprise Entrant #7: The reanimated bones of Nancy Argentino ambulate grimly and haltingly toward the ring, but the skeleton missteps, falls, and hits its head on the barricade, collapsing in a heap.  The remains are rapidly swept under the ramp by WWE's lawyers, and a few cops.

Surprise Entrant #8: Kenny Omega comes out with the same name, same gear, and cool new music that fits his character.  He has a decent showing in the Rumble and everyone is psyched on him.  He has a good undercard match at Mania, losing against someone more established, but he continues to impress all the right people backstage, and he starts getting into the main event picture.  Challenging for Roman Reigns' world title, he leads some of the best PPV main events that WWE has seen in a long time, though he's still not getting the big wins.  However his contributions do not go unnoticed, and WWE brass decide to make Kenny the marquee player for their new catchphrase-named show, WWE What? Live.  It's like Raw and Smackdown, with its own unique roster, its own unique championships, and since red and blue are claimed by those other shows, everything is yellow.  Kenny spends the next year feuding with everyone Braun Strowman beats on Raw, except Sami Zayn.  Then he will have the honor of losing the WWE What? Live world title to John Cena on the anniversary of his WWE debut.