Poncho Man's Overly In-Depth Summerslam Coverage Part 1: The Math Before The Melee.

In honor of being thorough I've decided to to a little pre-show run down. It will hopefully bring insight into my opinions after I watch the pay-per-view. I've quite enjoyed most of the PPVs since Wrestlemania this year. I think the last one was the worst, and I'm far less excited about this PPV.
       Maybe it's because we've been having so much fun with Raw 1000 and 3 hour Raws with lots and lots of wrestling. Suddenly we're getting a PPV which has a main event by two guys that hardly wrestle. Not to say they won't knock it out of the park, but it's hard to be excited when neither guy has kicked anyone's ass in months and months. Is it odd that I enjoy Paul Heyman and Stephanie McMahon going at it verbally more than listening to Brock Lesnar sound weak?
       I'm going to try and watch the pre-show here at work. It's so interesting to me that in the indies Chris Hero was the most hated guy around for awhile....and his lackey was Castignoli. Now Cesaro is quickly coming up the ranks faster and Ohno is on NXT (and not even involved in the Gold Rush Tournament). While I don't think Cesaro will win...It's nice to see he's getting a title shot and I hardly see him on tv.
      The Prime Time Players don't have a manager anymore. Or maybe they will? I read that Triple H is going to focus on tag teams and not Divas. You can already see that happening, but they keep sabotaging any of these tag teams getting over.
       The Miz and Rey Rey.....WWE seems to be feeling bad about squashing The Miz after a Wrestlemania main event. He'll be getting a "big win" over Rey in order to supplant himself as the Awesome Unimportant Second Rate Champion Belt Holder. This is the big problem with WWE's weird way of making everyone a "Superstar" but then they sabotage it by making it so damn obvious that Damien Sandow could "never defeat John Cena." Pecking order means nothing when you squash the little guy.
     Kane vs DBD. I keep thinking about how Chris Beniot would go from being in the main event one month to being mid card and back to main event and back to mid card for a long time. I remember hearing that he was really really upset with the "move to ECW" before he did the bad bad stuff. DBD is in the same place. They know they have somebody special. Technically the best guy on the roster AND a good talker AND he has his head on straight enough that wrestling Kane at Summerslam isn't going to piss him off. He didn't even need a generic "i'm better/prettier/smarter gimmick" to get to the point of being one of the best heels in the biz. We have some great years and great matches ahead.
     I'm still confused about Jericho's sudden face turn. I want the real Y2J back probably more than the next guy (he did keep me watching Nitro religiously for years...him and Disco Inferno), but the real Y2J would never lose a match to Ziggler like I'm pretty positive will happen. Remember boys...he's riding into the sunset for awhile so Rusty can see Mongoose live. No self respecting person in this biz would take a win over a main roster guy right before leaving (HEY I'M LOOKING AT YOU HOGAN! SERIOUSLY! YOU SEEMED TO LOVE TO DO THAT! AND AT SUMMERSLAMS! MICHAELS AND ORTON!? REALLY?? REALLY??)
    The Punk And Cena Show. I hope they all just come out and have an old fashioned body building pose down. Slathered in oil. Looking at each others' glutes. Oh boy.
     Sheamus vs Del Rio. I can't help thinking that this match is racist. Del Rio has no heat. Sheamus just feels over because they tell us he's over. Sheamus is Batista a few years ago all over again...but a slightly better wrestler. If Sheamus would just start doing that machine gun entrance I would never ever need or want to see Batista again. Except in that new The Man With The Iron Fists movie because the RZA directed it and it looks fucking awesome. GO WU-TANG!
     I really hope this isn't a fight and it's a mercy killing. The Marshall's comment about Punk interrupting is spot on, but I doubt it will happen. Triple H is a glory hound. Or something stupid like Laryngitis will come out instead (he's still working house shows? huh?). If Lesnar doesn't win they'll have officially beyond a shadow of a doubt killed ANY believability of him being a legit badass. Might as well have Lesnar vs the Funkadactyls next PPV.
      Okay...there it is. I hope to get that shit tonight or tomorrow morning. Then three hours after that I'll write something up. The Marshall: I hope you domesticated the raccoon and named him Antonio Bandito. Rusty: I hope your back doesn't hurt from sleeping on the floor. Life is too sweet! If Wrestlemania is Christmas, and Royal Rumble is Thanksgiving....today must at least be Veteran's Day.