October 11, 2011

SCN v2i5 : Unsafe Fighting Conditions

Greetings pro wrestling stooges,
I'm going to try to keep this issue as succinct as possible, considering the comment I left on your latest Rusty Report was like a post in itself.

Big Show returned to Smackdown this week so that he could exercise his acting muscle, which has gotten a little soft since the production of his feature film Knucklehead. Big Show stood there in the ring for what seemed like 5 minutes just looking at himself on the big screen, twisting his ears and rubbing his eyes until he appeared distraught enough to choke out his line about how Mark Henry reached into his chest and ripped his heart out. Acting, thank you! This segment took forever, but was cut down to an effective minute for a video package shown on Raw. Later in the program he beats up about a dozen security guards who are trying to restrain him from pulverizing the previously unpulverizable Mark Henry. Will Big Show be fined or otherwise punished for his blatant disregard for the safety of the non-wrestlers?

Making it's exit from the show was the orange glow which has heretofore been used for the duration of each of Sin Cara's singles matches. Maybe it's gone for good, and maybe it was only out because his opponent was a main eventer (Alberto Del Rio).
Both on last week's Raw and this week's Smackdown, we got segments which featured a chorus line of heels taking turns cutting complainy promos. The interesting thing about this wasn't what they were saying, but that we got to gauge how much heat each of these people have with the crowd. Vicki wins hands down as most hated, followed by Cody Rhodes. Wade Barrett doesn't get much reaction, but Ziggler gets the absolute least. I agree with your assessment of Ziggler being a great talent who is lacking direction storyline-wise. I wonder if a good storyline could bring a real villain out of him, or if he'd rather stick to his current not-too-evil schtick. Actually, now that I think about it, he did the most 'evil' thing he's done yet on the most recent episode of Z! True Long Island Story, when he attacked Zack's roommate with a bat (off camera) and left him in a pool of blood, with an I Am Perfection t-shirt as a calling card. He's been reciting these pseudo-clever promos on the show for a while, but this was the first time he's actually interacted with Zack. I think it's kind of awesome that they work for WWE but are still making a corny feud on an internet show like a couple of fans. Not that you'll see me begging to be Broski of the Week any time soon.

OK let's see, Michael McGillicutty outwrestled the shit out of Percy Watson on Superstars, AJ did some commentary on FCW and was actually pretty good, Davey Richards defended the ROH World Championship against against Roderick Strong in a match with about 20 extra big moves/kickouts, and Daniel Bryan had a good (of course) match... against Heath Slater... on... (don't look!)... NXT. God damn I hope he wins the WHWC at Mania, that would be nothing short of thrilling. Now, what else is there, ah yes, Impact. Impact blew balls this week. I heard they got their lowest ratings of the year for the episode, which is really funny because it was advertised as being Hulk Hogan's retirement show, his last appearance for TNA. Obviously kayfabe, but still-- ratings lowpoint? Guess we know how much he really draws anymore.

AND that does it for the "other" shows! Too easy. Now onto

I went into this episode expecting it to be very promo-heavy, and that any satisfactory resolution of the strike would somehow be drawn out over a few more episodes to the PPV. Coming from that mindset, I was very happy about the way this week's Raw played out. The highlight for me came pretty early, with CM Punk's promo, where he called the protesting Superstars a bunch of hippies for having a sit-in and grilling tofu dogs in the parking lot, followed by his turn at commentary, which was super fun and much too short. He wasn't the only one to shine though, as HHH delivered the goods in his promo to open the show, helped end it strong by working the crowd with Punk, and of course, menacing the new GM with this memorable line:

That is definitely not the dumbest question ever asked, that's the scariest question ever asked. But I've got questions about these guys because I don't understand what the problem is. John L is the new Raw GM, okey, but isn't HHH still COO, and John L's boss? What's the big deal? It seemed like they just wanted to drop the whole COO angle, and go back to the notion that "GM" is what you call the guy who's calling the shots. One less initial for us simple folk in the crowd to keep track of. So the first thing the new GM does is fire good ol JR, and in Oklahoma City no less. This gets some legit heat from the crowd, and from me as well, but I have to admit it was a great move to give him some heat, since he'd have a tough time trying to incite the crowd with his perma-wheeze. Later in the show he brings the Awesome Truth back, which was a second highlight of the show for me. The main event match seemed really strike-heavy, not much real wrestling, but is was still really fun because of the drama surrounding it.
But what stunk about this episode of Raw? How about Mason Ryan, who seems to have taken How To Be A Babyface lessons from Johnny B Badd, and How To Succeed In Sports lessons from Jose Canseco. Also stinking up the screen was Christian, whose run as a main event heel has been so horribly dull that it's hard to watch the show when he's on. Every time I see him now, I think about your joke that the "switch" to be "hit" is on the remote. But really, Raw was cool as a whole. I just gotta get my weekly gripe in cuz it's fun.

I've got a bunch of dumbest questions ever asked after this week's wrestling shows. The COO/GM question I've already mentioned, but also what's up with Daniel Bryan? They aren't really going to put Big Show over Mark Henry, are they? Brodus Clay has gotten video packages during Raw and Smackdown, which show will he be on and who will he have his first program with? Will John L send the Smackdown guys back to their own show now that he's in charge? When will Mick Foley come back to take over the Raw GM position, and how will he be worked into the plot as a babyface? Okey, wishful thinking on that one. All these questions, gee whiz, I guess I'll have to tune in again next week to find out what happens!
You asked one question in the Rusty Report that stood out to me like a sore thumb, and the answer should be pretty obvious by this point...

It's too late to ask that question, bud. Too late to turn back now.

Rad to read the Raw Roster Blowout AND get a Rusty Report in the same week! I'll really miss the RR show until you get another recorder or whatever. And congrats on your return to the Villa, it needs you. Specifically, it needs you to let me sleep on a couch there a few times a year.

Quarter Marshall

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