I’ve already posted a bunch of FCW videos on this blog, so one more won’t hurt.This is Antonio Cesaro’s debut match for developmental, and he really knocked it out of the park.He’s been around forever (as Claudio Castagnoli) and I’ve seen him in a few tag matches, but this was the first singles match I’ve seen.Great character, but his new name sucks!Hope it can be changed before he comes up to WWE, which shouldn’t take long.
Also on the most recent episode of FCW, Howard Finkel made a special appearance to open the show, but the first wrestler he announced cut him off, insisting that he’d announce himself.It looked a little something like this:
Greetings mutants and troglodytes, I haven't been sleeping much lately, so bear with me if I get a little loopy.
SMACKDOWN I was uncharacteristically unenthusiastic for this week's Smackdown. I was expecting Big Show to take the program over with his sniveling complaint against Mark Henry. His weepy beef, you might say. I was feeling so lackluster about it that I put it off for Saturday, and watched NXT on Friday night instead, knowing that I'd have a better chance of seeing Daniel Bryan win a match, and would at least get to listen to Regal's funny commentary. When I put Smackdown on during my Saturday morning breakfast, I definitely felt like I just needed to get it out of the way. So imagine my surprise when one of the most radical Smackdowns in recent history unfolded before me!
Randy Dorkin wins the biggest over-the-top-rope rumble ever, but who cares-- it was the biggest rumble ever! So cool. You must have lost your beans for that one, that's right up your alley.Even with this great opening spectacle, there was plenty of time left to showcase a lot of the feuds that have been going on in the WWE. Sheamus and Christian, Orton and Cody Rhodes, Zack Ryder, Air Boom, and Vicki's Boys each got decent amounts of time to further their storylines a little bit. Surprisingly, Henry and Big Show's rivalry was (to my memory) only briefly touched upon, and mostly via video package. Big Show's been absent since his fateful return last week, even though I'm pretty sure I remember hearing him say that he'd be on Raw to support HHH. The Sin Cara(s) feud took the cake as coolest this week, with Negro ripping Azul's mask off and putting it over his own head. That was BAD ASS. Their whole name-sharing thing was supposed to have been settled at the last PPV, but I'm glad it wasn't because it's only gotten better since. I heard that this coming Smackdown will feature a battle between the Sin Caras in which the loser must take off his mask and surrender the disputed moniker. That's going to make people nuts in Mexico (where it's being filmed)! Promises to be a memorable moment. Beth Phoenix finally got a clean pin over Kelly Kelly, and seems to have settled on the handle "Sisters of Salvation" along with her BFF Natalya. I liked "Divas of Destruction" more, but hey, it's only girls wrestling, right? One more noteworthy thing from Smackdown is that Alberto Del Rio pinned Sheamus after kicking him in the head, which I believe is the first non-submission win that ADR's ever earned in the WWE. Might be off on that, but his pins are at least extremely rare.
BOUND FOR GLORY BFG is the biggest PPV of the year for TNA. The storylines surrounding the events that were to take place at BFG have been brewing (or festering, if you please) for many months. Let's take a look at how some of these plots have culminated, and how the show went as a whole. Austin Aries and Brian Kendrick are my two favorite male wrestlers on the TNA roster. They've each got a distinct and quirky in-ring style, and can each cut a unique promo at the drop of a dime. They stand apart like men from boys in the newly revamped X-Division, which seems to have only 4 active competitors. Their match was great and fun to watch, but was largely a big letdown. Neither guy got time to do a TV or PPV promo to build the rivalry, which is a horrible shame considering they're two of the best promo guys in the company. They had a terrific promo segment to build their match at the last PPV, in which Aries took the X-Division title from Kendrick. The result was the same this time around, with Aries getting a clean win to retain. The result of the heel winning clean in a rematch, combined with the fact that there was no build, made this match seem pointless. Next on the card was RVD versus Jerry Lynn in a "Full Metal Mayhem" match, which I think meant that they were allowed to use things made out of metal on each other. Chairs and ladders came into play, and boy was it brutal! It was a taut, action-packed match full of high impact stunts and gnarly bumps that harkened back to their halcyon days in ECW, which of course was what the crowd in Philly was chanting. It was a really impressive display of self-disregard from guys who are old enough ro know better. It's gonna take a lot of bong hits to get through the pain that that match inflicted on those guys. Three way match between Crimson, Matt Morgan, and Samoa Joe. Nothing stands out to me here. Crimson keeps rollin'. Next up is a Falls Count Anywhere match between Bully Ray and Mr. Anderson. I don't know why they didn't call this one a hardcore or street fight or no DQ match, since weapons weren't against the rules in addition to the FCA stip. Even though these guys have been feuding for a while now, they made this match seem really fresh, and it was one of the most fun matches of the night, if not the most fun. Before the next match starts, we see a backstage segment in which the referee Jackson James is identified as Eric Bischoff's son, as they plot together to take Sting out of action later on. James has been the ref in many, if not all high profile Immortal related matches, so it was cool to finally see this plot device being implemented. The Knockouts singles title was defended in a tag team match. The ending was awkwardly botched. It was a dumb idea, and a stupid mess. For some reason Winter looked really hot. Velvet Skye won her first singles championship. Madison Rayne is my favorite person ever. I don't care much about Christopher Daniels or AJ Styles, but they had a terrific I Quit match. Daniels especially made great use of the microphone during the match by saying mean things and making nasty threats. AJ won of course, but Daniels got the last laugh, and their rivalry has been heated way up.
Some funny signs were held high during the next segment-- "Drinking Matters" being my favorite. Jeff Hardy and Jeff Jarrett get into it in a continuation of some beef that started on Impact. They're separated by a bunch of refs and stagehands and D-Lo Brown and Al Snow. That seems to be Snow and D-Lo's job with TNA. They're just high profile fight breaker-uppers. Now for the penultimate match of the night, perhaps the one most anticipated, and certainly the one most dreaded-- Hulk Hogan versus Sting 2011. There seem to be a lot of mixed feelings about the outcome of this match, particularly in the fact that Hulk Hogan turned face against his ol' buddy Bisch after seeing him hit his own son with a chair, and proceeded to turn against the whole of Immortal in an effort to rescue Sting. I can't say that the drama was thrilling by any stretch, but I am happy that Hulk's a babyface again, Dixie Carter's got TNA back, and also it was nice to see Ric Flair out there even if he didn't do much. Is this Hogan's cue to bow out gracefully, with his character coming full circle? He is the man, but TNA might be better off without him. You know who's number one on my list of guys TNA would be better off without? The winner of the main event, the TNA champion Kurt Angle. He kind of grosses me out whenever I see him. I don't know if it's the shrunken physique, the hollow grin, his growing collection of DUIs, or all of these things together that turn me off of him completely. The first two things could be attributed to kayfabe, but the latter is garbage and I guess is what does it for me. My dislike for Angle, and eagerness to see a new "face" of TNA, especially in a guy like Robert Roode, made the ending of Bound For Glory very, very disappointing. It wasn't a clean win, so Roode is sure to get a rematch with thanks to Dixie being back on top, but why this rivalry has been drawn out I have no idea. The PPV had been pretty solid up to here, and the finale should have been the icing on the cake, but instead felt anti-climactic and shitty. All together it was a really good PPV, I think the unfortunate main event outcome was the only bad thing. Oh yeah, and the Knockouts match, I guess. But that was still kind of funny.
RAW Alright, let's get this train moving here. Raw from Mexico! The crowd was awesome, even if I couldn't understand all their chants. Can't wait to see Mexican Smackdown. Mark Henry executed the most bad-ass looking World's Strongest Slam I've ever seen!
There was a DOPE new Brodus Clay package, probably my favorite part of the entire program!
There's going to be a WWE legends Real World style reality show!
Things get hotter between HHH and the new GM! Dolph Ziggler gets the mic and cuts a scorching promo! Michael Cole taps like Gregory Hines to JR! As great as that was, I think I'd trade it for Michael Cole not playing his heel persona so much. If Cole and JR have issues the way Cole and Lawler had issues before, it's going to be rough. I'd prefer a table without JR to a table with him if it means that Cole will need to revert to his diaper-rash personality of months past. Man, it makes my ears buzz just thinking about it. To end the show, John Cena lays out ADR and announces that their match at Vengeance will be a Last Man Standing match. I'm all for this, because ADR can retain the title by outsmarting Cena, since it seems unlikely that Cena would be out-wrestled. I think the last LMS match for the WWE title was when Cena beat Batista by duct taping Batista's feet together around a turnbuckle. Anyway, Cena's promo to end the show wasn't stellar, but it was better than his last few PPV send-offs. At least he put some effort into it.
The match I'm looking forward to most this Sunday will be the tag match between Awesome Truth and HHH/Punk. I like the odd couple pairing of both teams, and I think HHH/Punk have as much potential as Miz/Truth to be funny and entertaining as well as interesting and relevant. The idea of Punk and HHH being buddies worked for me instantly, and I'm looking forward to seeing how far they'll take it. With the exception of Mason Ryan being pushed(/shoved down our throats) all of the storylines going in the WWE are really good right now. There's a lack of interest in Daniel Bryan that's disconcerting, and I'd like to see more Wade Barrett, Tyson Kidd, and Heath Slater, but I can't get everything, can I?
Well how do you like that? THREE posts in A WEEK!!! Amazing! And why am i so productive? Because i wanna prove CM Punk wrong. Just because i ate some tofu yesterday that doesn't make me a hippie. I'm in for the long haul. I'm here regardless of the danger. Ill never turn my back on the fans.
MONDAY NIGHT RAW 10 10 2011
This was one of the weirdest episodes of raw i have ever seen. I felt like i was going thru mood swings. First i was relaxed, then i was mad, then i was really excited, and eventually i faded out and fell asleep. It was awesome.
The start of the show was a bunch of nothing. It was kinda nice. I liked how quiet it was . It relaxed me. It was cool to see the show start in a different way than it always does. I'm sick of the whole fireworks and in ring promos.
Then HHH comes out and gives a big speech. I didn't really care about what he was saying, i was to busy makin some damn cheese tortillas. But once Cena and Sheamus i got kinda pissed. It was more burying of the roster. Who happened to be in the parking lot. I guess, i never saw them out there. But the biggest bombshell was when punk came out and sided with HHH. I was surprised to see that. He kinda came out and did the mega face speech. It was weird. I wasn't sure how to take it. The message board IWC dorks didn't know what to think either. They here really mad that the WWE RUINED CM PUNK. I dont think so. Who cares. It was a really fun intro. Especially The look on Punks face when HHH was telling him that he had the announcers booth all to himself. It was great.
I Dont really care that Johnny Ace is now the RAW GM. I think it was a good move. You don't know what his motives are or who his friends are and i like that. He is kinda boring on the mic but it works for him. He is just an unlikeable kinda guy. Im excited to see how this all plays out.
CRISTIAN VS JMO Oh man dog, more proof that JMo may be making his way to TNA soon. If i remember correctly this was kinda a squash match wasn't it? How sad. Now i wouldn't call myself a Jmosapian or nothin but i really feel bad for the guy.The coolest part of the match was when Rhodes, Swagger and Ziggler came out and kicked JMo's ass. I would love for them to become a real heal faction. That would rule.
RKO VS WSM ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ I love the Worlds Strongest Man but i checked out when i saw RKO. Fuck that guy. It was cool to see Rhodes come out and paper bag RKO. I'm not very excited for that feud tho. I'm sure the matches will be great but you know that Rhodes will never go over RKO.
JOHNNY ACE ANNOUNCES MATCH, FIRES GOOD OL' J.R. I couldn't really care less about Cena and ADR at Vengeance. Who does? And why is it supposed to be a shock? I guess the only reason i will watch it is to see if the belt switches AGAIN. Then, after that announcement JOhnny Ace fires JR for no good reason.. I was pissed. I mean, sure, it's a great way to get some heat and JR might have wanted a vacation, but it was just a lame cop out as far as the story goes. It didn't really make sense to me.
AIR BOOM AND BABY TISTA VS RHODES SWAGGER AND OTUNGA While these dudes were walking to the ring i fell asleep on the couch. Then i got up and went to bed. So the next morning i finished raw while washing the dishes. These types of matches are great for washing dishes to. They dont matter at all.
PUNK VS ADR and the PUNK VS AWESOME TRUTH and then HHH AND PUNK VS AWESOME TRUTHThis was a great ending. I loved how punk had to tag with ADR. I loved how ADR did the chicken shit heal walk out. I loved seeing punk take on Awesome Truth all alone. I loved all of it. I even loved seeing Punk shake hands with HHH. That to me was a passing of the torch of sorts. HHH extended his hand to PUNK to pull him up to the next level. I loved this RAW as a whole. It's funny tho, a lot of people hated it. Which i can understand. I think i mainly liked it because it was different. Im really excited to see what happens in the next month or so. SHould be interesting.
WWE MEETS WOOD CHIPPER MASSACRE My love for bad movies has been well documented. The love for them is only rivaled by Pro Wrestling. SO when the two of them collide i am a happy guy. Last week i noticed a strange cross over. I was watching the great shot on video horror movie Woodchipper Massacre and googling the cast. To my surprise one of the actors ended up being an Emmy award winning soap opera writer and recently hired (in april) creative writer for the WWE. His name is Tom Casiello and he was the best part of the movie. Here is one of his shining scenes.
GRILLIN TOFU
Im sure you have checked out all that WWE.com has to offer. I have just recently been perusing the strange clips they upload. It's kinda great, all the backstage interviews and stuff. They kinda feel like the interviews i would see on saturday morning WWF. More personal with more time to talk. I love it.
They posted a little clip of all the tofu grillin sit-in wrestlers out in the parking lot which was hilarious. I had a few thoughts about it that i wanted to share.
1- I dont like to see wrestlers in their street clothes unless i absolutely have to. They live in an alternate reality where it is more normal to wear trunks and a t-shirt than jeans. So seeing Sin Cara in regular clothes and a mask feels like two worlds colliding.
2- If these people are going to be in their street clothes then the WWE needs to lay off the dress code. Everyone wearing biz-cas or mall clothes looks really weird. Again, take a look at Sin-Cara. Does he really dress like that in real life? It just looks ridiculous.
3- Why didn't they show this on RAW. It would make the whole thing feel more real.
4- Dolph Ziggler proves he is awesome by wearing a Britney Spears shirt. I love that Dolph
OK, don't get me wrong. I loved the video. It was funny to see people milling around. If you haven't seen it yet i suggest that you check it out. Kayfabe rules!
http://vids.wwe.com/13558/wwecom-exclusive-footage-from-th
Greetings pro wrestling stooges, I'm going to try to keep this issue as succinct as possible, considering the comment I left on your latest Rusty Report was like a post in itself.
Big Show returned to Smackdown this week so that he could exercise his acting muscle, which has gotten a little soft since the production of his feature film Knucklehead. Big Show stood there in the ring for what seemed like 5 minutes just looking at himself on the big screen, twisting his ears and rubbing his eyes until he appeared distraught enough to choke out his line about how Mark Henry reached into his chest and ripped his heart out. Acting, thank you! This segment took forever, but was cut down to an effective minute for a video package shown on Raw. Later in the program he beats up about a dozen security guards who are trying to restrain him from pulverizing the previously unpulverizable Mark Henry. Will Big Show be fined or otherwise punished for his blatant disregard for the safety of the non-wrestlers?
Making it's exit from the show was the orange glow which has heretofore been used for the duration of each of Sin Cara's singles matches. Maybe it's gone for good, and maybe it was only out because his opponent was a main eventer (Alberto Del Rio). Both on last week's Raw and this week's Smackdown, we got segments which featured a chorus line of heels taking turns cutting complainy promos. The interesting thing about this wasn't what they were saying, but that we got to gauge how much heat each of these people have with the crowd. Vicki wins hands down as most hated, followed by Cody Rhodes. Wade Barrett doesn't get much reaction, but Ziggler gets the absolute least. I agree with your assessment of Ziggler being a great talent who is lacking direction storyline-wise. I wonder if a good storyline could bring a real villain out of him, or if he'd rather stick to his current not-too-evil schtick. Actually, now that I think about it, he did the most 'evil' thing he's done yet on the most recent episode of Z! True Long Island Story, when he attacked Zack's roommate with a bat (off camera) and left him in a pool of blood, with an I Am Perfection t-shirt as a calling card. He's been reciting these pseudo-clever promos on the show for a while, but this was the first time he's actually interacted with Zack. I think it's kind of awesome that they work for WWE but are still making a corny feud on an internet show like a couple of fans. Not that you'll see me begging to be Broski of the Week any time soon.
OK let's see, Michael McGillicutty outwrestled the shit out of Percy Watson on Superstars, AJ did some commentary on FCW and was actually pretty good, Davey Richards defended the ROH World Championship against against Roderick Strong in a match with about 20 extra big moves/kickouts, and Daniel Bryan had a good (of course) match... against Heath Slater... on... (don't look!)... NXT. God damn I hope he wins the WHWC at Mania, that would be nothing short of thrilling. Now, what else is there, ah yes, Impact. Impact blew balls this week. I heard they got their lowest ratings of the year for the episode, which is really funny because it was advertised as being Hulk Hogan's retirement show, his last appearance for TNA. Obviously kayfabe, but still-- ratings lowpoint? Guess we know how much he really draws anymore.
AND that does it for the "other" shows! Too easy. Now onto
I went into this episode expecting it to be very promo-heavy, and that any satisfactory resolution of the strike would somehow be drawn out over a few more episodes to the PPV. Coming from that mindset, I was very happy about the way this week's Raw played out. The highlight for me came pretty early, with CM Punk's promo, where he called the protesting Superstars a bunch of hippies for having a sit-in and grilling tofu dogs in the parking lot, followed by his turn at commentary, which was super fun and much too short. He wasn't the only one to shine though, as HHH delivered the goods in his promo to open the show, helped end it strong by working the crowd with Punk, and of course, menacing the new GM with this memorable line:
That is definitely not the dumbest question ever asked, that's the scariest question ever asked. But I've got questions about these guys because I don't understand what the problem is. John L is the new Raw GM, okey, but isn't HHH still COO, and John L's boss? What's the big deal? It seemed like they just wanted to drop the whole COO angle, and go back to the notion that "GM" is what you call the guy who's calling the shots. One less initial for us simple folk in the crowd to keep track of. So the first thing the new GM does is fire good ol JR, and in Oklahoma City no less. This gets some legit heat from the crowd, and from me as well, but I have to admit it was a great move to give him some heat, since he'd have a tough time trying to incite the crowd with his perma-wheeze. Later in the show he brings the Awesome Truth back, which was a second highlight of the show for me. The main event match seemed really strike-heavy, not much real wrestling, but is was still really fun because of the drama surrounding it. But what stunk about this episode of Raw? How about Mason Ryan, who seems to have taken How To Be A Babyface lessons from Johnny B Badd, and How To Succeed In Sports lessons from Jose Canseco. Also stinking up the screen was Christian, whose run as a main event heel has been so horribly dull that it's hard to watch the show when he's on. Every time I see him now, I think about your joke that the "switch" to be "hit" is on the remote. But really, Raw was cool as a whole. I just gotta get my weekly gripe in cuz it's fun.
I've got a bunch of dumbest questions ever asked after this week's wrestling shows. The COO/GM question I've already mentioned, but also what's up with Daniel Bryan? They aren't really going to put Big Show over Mark Henry, are they? Brodus Clay has gotten video packages during Raw and Smackdown, which show will he be on and who will he have his first program with? Will John L send the Smackdown guys back to their own show now that he's in charge? When will Mick Foley come back to take over the Raw GM position, and how will he be worked into the plot as a babyface? Okey, wishful thinking on that one. All these questions, gee whiz, I guess I'll have to tune in again next week to find out what happens! You asked one question in the Rusty Report that stood out to me like a sore thumb, and the answer should be pretty obvious by this point...
It's too late to ask that question, bud. Too late to turn back now.
Rad to read the Raw Roster Blowout AND get a Rusty Report in the same week! I'll really miss the RR show until you get another recorder or whatever. And congrats on your return to the Villa, it needs you. Specifically, it needs you to let me sleep on a couch there a few times a year.
Shee, Quarter Marshall
October 10, 2011
Ladies and Germs! Here is is! Weeks overdue! I'm sorry man. But i had to put it off for a while. Things are just getting too dangerous around here. If you, Alice, Wakka and Darla wanna surround the ring and give a vote of confidence you can. I deserve it. I let things get outta hand around here.
Ok, enough groveling. Lets get to the Smarking!
ADR- Jeez, what a sad string of luck this guy has had in the past few months. Sure, he has won the big belt twice, but he looks super lame while he has it. I think the WWE just hates heal champs. The Miz looked super undeserving while he had the belt. Now ADR looks more like he is hanging on to the belt while Cena is busy than a real champ. I love ADR, he is a great wrestler. I just dont like him as champ. Just give the belt back to Punk already.
A-Ri - It's funny how fast my opinion can change on a wrestler. For some reason i flipped on the Miz the second he was partnered up with R-Truth. My opinion on A-Ri changed in a different way. I think i talked about it in a podcast once. It was that night that A-Ri came out and gave Vickie Guerrero a bunch of shit. It's that weird WWE double standard where a face can talk a bunch of heal-like shit and still stay a face. I hate it. I guess im just a bleeding heart homo but i dont like that stuff. So after all of that i cant stand this guy. BIG SHOW - Ya know what, I like the big show. I miss the old smilin' Big Show. He is giant and i love seeing him live. Long live big show
CM Punk - What is there to say about CM Punk that i haven't said before? Not a lot. So instead of gushing about my fav wrestler i figured i would just post a picture of CM Punk as a ghost that i stole from the WWE website. Spooky!
Curt Hawkins - I dont know who Curt Hawkins is.
David Otunga - 3 weeks ago i didn't care about David Otunga at all. Now he has a gimmick and i actually like him a little. He can talk, he is not horrible in the ring, he just needed a purpose. With his new gimmick, a brainiac on performance enhancing drugs, he actually has something to do.
Dolph Ziggler - Dolph is great. He is really good. I feel like he is so good that the position he is in right now is holding him back. He doesn't need a valet, he can talk on his own. He also needs a purpose. He is a heal for no reason and he hasn't had a whole lot of direction. He is just stuck in the mid card and out wrestling everyone they match him up with. Oh well, ill always love Mr. Ziggles regardless.
Drew McIntyre - Uhhhh, what do i say? Uhhh. His theme song is cool. But they dont use it anymore...
Evan Bourne - I have always liked Evan Bourne even tho he is a genaric face. I gotta admit that Air Boom is a great tag team. Or should i say, a fun tag team. Thats about all i got to say about this smilin' guy
Jack Swagger - I love the all american american american. What the hell happened to him? He just kinda faded away for a while. Hopefully he is on his way back with the recent grouping with Ziggles and Vicki. I love this guy. And the really need to bring back the Soaring Eagle. That was his peak.
John Cena - Jesus, i sure dont have a lot to say about some of these guys. What should i say about super Cena? Im sick of him? He rules? Fuck it, lets move on.
John Morrison - Oh god! What the hell happened to John Morrison? Sure, he cant talk on the mic worth a shit but who cares. He has a great look and can wrestle like a son of a bitch. Please don't go away John Morrison! But i feel like all hope is lost. Did you see his new shirt? It's absolutely horrible. I feel like they are trying to make people hate him with this shirt. Oh god. So bad. Please JMO, dont go.
JTG - I had no idea that JTG had anything to do with RAW until i saw him in some backstage segments. I really have no opinion on this guy, i never watch superstars.
Kofi Kingston - See Evan Bourne
Mason Ryan - This guy is super lame. He is so roided up that it looks like he has a super small head. His face turn was lame also. He basically beat up two guys for no reason. Ass hole.
Michael McGillicutty - Shit man. How am i supposed to write a roster report with all these lame ass dudes?
The Miz - When i was typing this roster report earlier today i noticed that it said "kafabe fired" by The Miz and R Truth (on wikipedia's RAW roster). Now it doesent. Does that mean that they are back? I hope so because i really like these two together. The fact that i actually like the miz now is saying a lot. Now if they could only change my poinion on RKO...
Ray Mysterio - I miss ol Ray Ray. He is a great wrestler, a real face and left a big hole after he left. Not even two sin caras can fill that hole.
R-Truth - Truth is a genius. He is always funny and great at wrestling. I always find his story lines, no matter how stupid, to be entertaining. And this whole thing with the miz is gold. I really hope he comes back tonight.
Santino Marella - It was really weird to see santino back last week. His new eye brows might have been what threw me off. I love this guys style in the ring. He is actually a good wrestler. I'm glad we had a break from him after he and Vlad were tag champs. They kinda over used him for a little while.
Zack Ryder - I still don't know what i feel about this guy. I have never looked into his internet show so i haven't fully bought into the gimmick. He is fun tho, ill give him that. SO regardless if i like him or not i like that he is trying, unlike some people (RKO). It will be interesting to see how this guy does over the next few years. I like that he has worked hard and used the internet to get over. Time will tell on this guy.
Well, i dont wanna talk about the divas. I dont wanna talk about the other people (John Laurenitis, Vicki Gurrerro). SO thats it. Now i gotta go type up a damn Monday Night RAW report. Shit, raw was totally awesome. My fingers hurt! Too much wrestling! And if they make that stupid WWE tv station ill never sleep again. AHHHHHH!!!!!
Greetings pro wrestling fans, Another week without a working microphone, another week of writing 3 feet of blithering nonsense. Aaaaaaand GO!
After having so many Smackdown guys on Raw last Monday, Raw invaded Smackdown this past Friday.I counted 10 talents who are affiliated with the Raw brand on the show.A dissolution of the brand split for the WWE could mean a lot of things, and a lot of changes.I’ve heard it opined that the mid and lower card guys would suffer for it if Cena and Orton took over both shows, but in the past few weeks those two have been used minimally, while the mid card guys are getting twice as much TV time. I don’t have any opinion as to whether it would be better or worse if there was a formal brand unification.I just plan on sitting back and dumbly enjoying whatever they put in front of me, like the mark that I am.
There weren’t really any wrestling highlights from Smackdown this week, just a few notable plot updates.Muy Cara showed off a new black mask to match his black black heart, and revealed his motivation for stealing Sin Cara’s identity, which I’d actually talked about on this site before.Ziggler returned the favor to Jack Swagger by helping him win his match, as Swagger had done for Ziggler on Raw.My personal favorite moment, though, was when Mark Henry continued raging down the path of destruction by hitting Great Khali with the Disney World Splash (so titled because when you get hit with it, you have to go on vacation).The lack of standout wrestling matches on the show was made up for by the PPV, and also by a few highlights from other programs this week, namely NXT, FCW, ROH, and Impact.
The NXT highlight was a Tyson Kidd match, in which he beat newcomer Percy Watson.Watson, thanks to his charisma and athleticism, has been really fun to watch in the past few weeks, and it was interesting to see him in the ring with the technically radical Tyson Kidd.Percy kept up pretty darn well, and Kidd was nice enough not to beat the snot out of him, as he’d done to Ted DiBiase on Superstars last week.
The FCW rivalry between Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose came to a great finale recently in a 30 minute iron man match which ended up being extended to about 40 minutes.It was terrific and, as I’ve said before, I’m really looking forward to these guys being brought up to the WWE.
ROH this week featured (among other things) a very good match between Jay Lethal and El Generico.It was a title match for the Television Championship, and the title changed hands in Lethal’s favor.El Generico seemed to be the house favorite, but Jay Lethal still got a lot of cheers when he pulled off the win.
The highlight of Impact was a Madison Rayne match which she made awesome and hilarious by continuously flirting with Earl Hebner.She kept pawing at his chest and smiling at him in between vicious blows to her old rival Tara.Earl had to turn away from the camera a few times because he’d start smiling.The Queen B got the win (via feet on the rope), thereby qualifying her for the next round of the Knockout’s title tournament, and (more importantly) ensuring that she’ll be on Impact again soon.
Hell in a Cell
“proverbial pugilistic purgatory” –Jim Ross
This week’s Pay Per View started off with a video package of an anthropomorphized cage relating (in voiceover) how it’s looking forward to the carnage that would surely take place during the evening.In a corny English/middle ages accent usually reserved for parodies of fantasy movies.And bad fantasy movies.Shortly thereafter, R-Truth and the Miz are escorted away from their ring-side seats, prompting the viewer to believe that they won’t be around to interfere with any of the matches, because that would be impossible.
It might have been my lack of enthusiasm, but not much stood out in the first few matches.Sheamus over Christian was good but predictable and had no build-up, and even the War of Caras left a lot to be desired.What made the PPV worthwhile to this point was the commentary, which was stellar throughout the program.Jerryatric was replaced by JR, and the announce table hadn’t been so entertaining within memory.They were all putting the wrestlers over in their own ways, even Cole, who displayed very few traces of his former persona.The three guys were in rare form, setting a tone of lighthearted fun for the first half of the PPV, and appropriate gravity for the second.
There were two bonus matches to round out the show.In the first, Air Boom successfully defended the tag titles against Vickie’s Boys.This was a really good, well paced match with some fun spots, and featured some great teamwork by both teams.The second bonus match didn’t disappoint either, when Cody Rhodes was forced by Johnny L. to compete in his street clothes against John Morrison, newly retro-fied title on the line and all.This match could have gone further than it did, but it was cool all the same.
The coolest moment though, easily the highlight of this PPV and of this week in the world of wrestling, was when Mark Henry kicked out of an RKO at the 2 ½ mark (most guys who kick out of the RKO do it closer to the 3 count) and then pins Randy after delivering just one World’s Strongest Slam.I couldn’t believe it, it seemed too good to be true.After that piece of magic happened, Henry went outside and brought in a chair, and set Orton up for the Disney World Splash.Now, at that moment my face probably looked like this guy's, and if Henry had hit it, I might’ve turned the corner on the whole God thing too, but as it happened Orton was able to wake up in time to salvage a shred of dignity by herding Henry up the ramp with the chair.That sentence was long.Henry continued looking bad ass as Hell on Raw when he kicked out of Starship Pain at the 2 count, turned around and won the match against JoMo with his own finisher.Speaking of Raw, his promo last night was incredible.Make no bones about it, this guy Mark Henry is going places.
Not going places based on HiaC and last night’s Raw?Beth Phoenix.This is mostly due to unfortunate booking, but her turn on the mic during the final segment of Raw was terrible.That whole segment was off though, but I need to talk about that later because there’s still the main event of HiaC to cover.
The main event of HiaC was no classic.To make a fair analysis of it, I’d need to rewatch it, because I was eager to know who would win, too eager for it to be over with to really enjoy it.But I’m not going to rewatch it, because I’ve felt that way during matches before, and if the match is any good, it will suck me in and I’ll end up appreciating it all the more.This one came off somewhat flat.Cena and Punk have been nothing but butt buddies for the past month and a half, Del Rio hasn’t had any interaction with Punk, and the rivalry between Del Rio and Cena hasn’t exactly been heated.The chemistry wasn’t as awkward as you might think, but with the odd number of guys, it’s almost always a little awkward.Del Rio took the match by locking Cena outside of the cage and whacking Punk in the mask area (‘head’ in BookerTbonics) with a metal pipe.You have a valid point in being discouraged enough with Del Rio’s first title run that you aren’t too excited about a second one, but they wouldn’t do that again, would they?Would they?At any rate, he might have gotten a cheap victory, but it was within the rules of the match, so at the end of the day beating CM Punk and John Cena in a Hell in a Cell match is a friggin huge feather in his cap.Here’s to hoping he gets booked as a strong competitor from here on out.
Adding nothing to the value of the PPV was the finale, which featured the Awesome Truth kicking everyone’s ass and getting arrested.The only good part about this was their YouTube apology, but not because of the angle, which is dumb as nuts.I like it because they’re so cute together- the way they finish each other’s sentences and look at each other while they talk.Not cute in a gay way, more of a puppy dog way.
Raw
This segways into the final segment of Raw, when the roster and crew of the show expressed the same dissatisfaction that Miz and RTruth had discussed so earnestly in their adorable YouTube video.Wade Barrett, Christian, and Beth Phoenix all gave wimpy speeches outlining their sissy concerns, and they were all pwned by the referee who gave the only compelling speech of the painfully drawn out segment.I mean really, what was the point of JR sitting there for so long, only to walk out last?And were Punk, Cena and Sheamus too cool for school?If their status as good guys wasn’t blemished by not walking out on HHH, it was blemished by their not going out to stick up for him, if that’s how they feel.Neutrality is LAME (says the non-voter)!As the episode ended, Alice looked at me as asked what I thought.I just shrugged and said, “That’s pro wrestling.”Not the hottest angle they’ve ever done, but things are moving forward so we’ll see where they go.
Greetings and SALUTATIONS. This is your skinny fat assed buddy Rusty typing to you live from Hood River Oregon. While My parents and sister are soaking up rays in the happiest place on earth i am condemned to watching 3 insane golden retrievers and using this slow ass internet.
So here i am. Ready to talk about Hell In A Cell 2011. But here is the rub. I didnt watch it. Out here in HR i cant DL stuff. So i had to read the results. And that's all i got to base my opinion on.
Ok, ill quit explaining. Now lets get into my uninformed opinions.
DBD vs JTG DARKMATCH
It's a bummer that DBD is stuck in the darkmatches. At least he won this one. And if he is going to be in the dark match could they please put him up against Tyson Kidd?
SHEAMUS VS CRISTIAN
This PPV looked kinda lame. First off, we just had a ppv 2 weeks. I need a month to rest between em. Also it had a ton of matches that looked great but needed more time to build. Im sure the match was awesome and both of these dudes can wrestle but i dont care about the story. Im glad that sheamus won tho, he my boy.
MUY CARA VS GOOD CARA
Im actually sad i missed this one. I love this story. It's so stupid and old school. When you really think about it it doesn't make sense. These guys work for the WWE. So wouldn't the management know that some other dude was impersonating one of the stars? Oh well, i shouldn't think so hard about it. It's all fake anyway...
TEAM FART VS TEAM AWESOME
Air boom is stoopid. Mr. Ziggles and the All American American AMERICAN rule and should be the champs. Fuck this match, im moving on.
MARK HENRY VS RKO
As a kid i was really confused about religion. I was raised in a house where GOD was never talked about and we never went to church unless someone was getting married. I would try to pray every once in a while but i would always feel like i was just talking to myself with my eyes closed. The older i got the more agnostic i became and now im a full on, hard edged, skinny fat agnostic. Or at least i was until i read about this match. Mark Henry won CLEAN!? For the SECOND FUCKING TIME!!! Here is the proof i have been looking for. THERE IS A GOD!!!!!
CODY RHODES VS JMO
I have heard a lot of rumors that JMO may be on his way out from the WWE. I hope that this match on the PPV is proof that they are just rumors. He is excellent in the ring and a great character. He just cant talk. I think he just needs a mouth piece to help him get over. a trash talking rock star chick or something.
This match was probably great and i would guess that JMO pulled an amazing move like he does every ppv. The Dashing one is also great in the ring. I doubt that we will see any montages from this match so i would like to know how it was. So, how was it?
THE GLAMAZON VS FEMALE RKO
Thank heavens that Beth Phoenix won this match. She should have won the belt months ago when the Divas of Destruction came out. I kinda feel like this win is too little too late. Kelly Kelly made her look weak and stupid. Hopefully this win can turn all that around.
ADR VS CENA VS PUNK
Oh man, this match sounded like a big mess. Lots of people involved, lots of story going on. Just like the end of the last PPV. I feel like they need to tighten up all these stories a little more. I like where it has been going but i want just a tiny bit more structure involved. That or more mystery. It is kinda in a grey area for me. Regardless, im excited to see what goes on tonight with this whole mess.
That being said, i dont like that ADR won. His first run with the belt sucked, they never gave him chance. He was just kinda ignored, and i feel like that is going to happen again. And why is Punk involved in all this again?
iM SURE ILL SEE THIS MATCH A MILLION TIMES IN MONTAGES (oops, caps on). Im excited to see how it played out.
What was your thoughts on the show? I wish i cared more, it's just that they are putting on so many ppv's i dont have time to get excited. We got Vengeance in 3 weeks. Who cares. I think ill hop back into the PPV game when Survivor Series comes along. Till then you will get more uninformed ramblins.
CM Punk as a ghost that i stole from the WWE website. Spooky!
