April 03, 2016

Wrestlemania Cowboy Star Preview

Kalisto vs Ryback for the WWE Intercontinental Title
Well. I heard there was a meeting where they "made clear" that being on the Preshow was not a demotion and was an important part of the larger experience. That being said...I genuinely like Kalisto. I genuinely like a babyface, and I found him and his masked wife adorable at the Hall of Fame. I hope he wins, and I will do high kicks.

The Total Divas (Brie Bella, Paige, Natalya,Alicia Fox and Eva Marie) vs. B.A.D. & Blonde (Lana,Naomi, Tamina,Emma and Summer Rae)
So Ryan Manhole and I did a show last week and we played a song by him called "All Summer In A Day." Ryan ended it by saying "but you're no Summer Rae." I'm guessing this is Brie Bella's last Wrestlemania as a performer, and it's nice to see Emma on the main roster. Lana is not as hot when she doesn't have the suit and the bun. Will Eva get more heat than Roman?

The Usos (Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso) vs. The Dudley Boyz(Bubba Ray Dudleyand D-Von Dudley)
Now they are teasing tables. Those hypocrites! If I didn't think the Usos were boring as hell, I might care. Bubba has a way of making chicken salad.....you know the saying. 

The New Day (Big E,Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods) vs.The League of Nations (Sheamus,Alberto Del Rio,Rusev and King Barrett)
Ooooooooooooooooo Spare Change Wrestling.....Don't be sour. Clap for your Poncho wearing champ and feel the Power. I can't remember the last time I was stoked to see an entrance and reaction and jokes. The New Gay are the best (sic....Kevin Von Erich). Lot of people expecting The Lads to go over. 
André the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
So uhhhh....Braun Strowman? Cesaro is apparently healthy? Bray is unbooked. They moved this from the preshow to the main show. The ARMBAR (I like it) is sure to have a great Golden Truth moment. 

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho
Well....I hope they get 20 minutes. Did anybody see Triple H's tweet of Vince watching the Nakamura match. I wish more than anything to hear what he had to say. If I was Vince...I book Nakamura like Brock....just with more competitive matches.....against AJ....alot.....
Chris Jericho is really one of my all time favorites and it is bizarre that he's in his 40s. While my favorite is WCW Jericho....if he hadn't become Aging Rocker Nick Bockwinkel we would would have far less awesomeness in our lives. This will be good....I will it to be.

Kevin Owens (c) vs.Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder vs. Sin Cara vsThe Miz vs.Stardust
Spot fest. Aren't you glad indie vets are in on this? Maybe Ryder will do something physical that makes him the greatest ever. Aren't ladder matches built for title changes. I can't wait to see Kevin Owens headbutt Sami Zayn off a ladder and retain.

Charlotte (c) (with Ric Flair) vs. Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks
Who's excited for Snoop Dogg? His Hall Of Fame speech was excellent. I hope they don't get 10 minutes. I don't really have much other thoughts about this.

Shane McMahon vs.The Undertaker
Supposedly closing the show. Does anybody actually want anybody to win? What kind of craziness will go on? I think Vince has "my son takes crazy bumps" glasses on and isn't worried that the whole thing makes NO SENSE!

Dean Ambrose vs.Brock Lesnar (withPaul Heyman)
So, logic  tells me that Dean is going to  cut off all of Brock's limbs with a chainsaw. The show will be the end of Freaks with Stephanie looking down into a crib with a limbless Brock Lesnar as she screams in horror. Maybe that's Sable's big return! Horrified by her husband!? Sable is a big deal right!? She doesn't do porn! Anybody watch Sunny Side Up? You all have significant others.....I should stop talking. The bartender purchased 3 Fireball shots for me......

Triple H (c) vs.Roman Reigns
What should be a great WWE Heavyweight Title bout...that will be total horseshit when we see the end. Roman Reigns doesn't suck. His character/bad acting sucks. He's like if Terry Taylor was pushed into the to spot. A super smart/competent guy pushed to something that makes him look stupid. Tator tots aside.

NXT Takeover was really good. Like ridiculously good in my opinion. I'm trying to have a crew of Mania watchers but it's difficult. Hope ya'll enjoy the show. Wish we were together.

I wrote this hours ago. Drunk as shit now. Got into a feminism/racism conversation with some server from Missouri.....so I of course lost from sheer anger/location. Then got flirted with by the bartender I mentioned drunkenly before. Watching Konnan vs Liger? It's almost 4 in the morn. Whatever.  

1 comment:

  1. I just had to google Sunny Side Up, saw a trailer video, and it was a HORRIBLE experience. Couldn't even watch a minute of it.

    I appreciate your fair portrayal of Roman Reigns. Also, your steely logic with regards to usage of the Funk-approved chainsaw (borrowed by Demon Balor?) The imagery of Stephanie looking into the crib with limbless Brock, signalling the return of (as I see it) a cryogenically maintained Sable is worthy of a Rusty dream. I'm pretty much with you on all this stuff. I'm hoping Mark Henry wins ARMBAR since he's said he'll probably retire soon.

    I get off work at 6, so probably won't even start Mania until 7 or later. I'll probably be texting you guys at midnight. I'm impressed and surprised that a few months ago, it seemed like Mania was gonna be a snooze, but here we are, all ramped up for it. Happy Wrestlemania Day!