So we just turned off the Toyo Province show from last night to write this preview because Rusty reminded me that he likes these here previews. He appealed to my Arrogance™ and gave me a compliment. So I headed on down here, typed the url, clicked the new post button, turned on some Unsolved Mysteries, began typing, drank some tea, covered my mouth while I coughed, sneezed, coughed again, checked my phone, looked at my pork roast timer, blew my nose, and kept typing. (Did your brain do it on it's own?)
Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows on the Preshow
So I've spent the last week sick as a fucking dog. Thought it was allergies (which it might have been), but then there has been signs of strep, sinus infection, generic cold, etc. It's totally sucked because I'm days away from new insurance kicking in. Last Saturday I ran 12 miles; this Saturday I'm hacking up green shit. What this has to do with The Good Brothers and the Jersey Devils? NOTHING! WEEEEE!!!
Neville vs Austin Aries for the Cruiserweight Championship
Seems like these boys made the main show. They had a decent match on the WrestleMania preshow, but who knows if they'll get time here or not. Remember Bob Dole and how he talked with his finger? It was so prominent that Norm MacDonald could to an impression just based on his physicality and the pointy finger thing. I would really love to see a politician who uses a banana like Double A does. That would be fun.
Seth Rollins vs Samoa Joe
So apparently Rollins stole the V Trigger or something? Or he combined it with the beginning of the Rainmaker? Drama. Nice that Joe makes this PPV after somehow having nothing to do at Mania...but it does seem kinda anticlimactic that Rollins already beat the "Big Boss" and is now fighting a minion. Maybe this will lead to a long term feud.
The Hardy Boyz vs The Kilts
The internet is afire with notions that WWE is buying the "Broken" character from the Owl.
Speaking of owls. I did a rewatch of all of Twin Peaks a few weeks ago and read "The Secret History Of Twin Peaks." I'm so excited for the new episodes. I don't know if you guys are fans, but I'm just giddy.
Anyways, I hear that Matt is doing this weird thing on Twitter where he's kinda switching between the Broken character, Version 2, and normal Matt. Seems so odd that he'd be "allowed" to do such things without some truth to the rumor. In other OWL news......BIG POPPA PUMP! Honestly haven't watched any of it, but it made me really excited in theory.
Bayley vs Alexa Bliss for the RAW Women's Championship
This is a fun little mix up of ladies. I am a little torn and don't know who to cheer for. What happened to Blake and Murphy? They seem to have disappeared from the NXT Universe.
My pork roast was cooked well. I wish I could taste it.
Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt in a House Of Horrors match
The belt isn't on the line here. So it's some sort of weird revenge match for the bad guy who got his house burnt down by the babyface? The only thing I liked about their match at Mania was the weird bugs and stuff, even if it didn't make sense and wasn't so tasteful in the amount they used...at least it was new, exciting, ambitious. I'm just hoping this whole thing is guest booked by Kevin Sullivan and it is somehow connected to the Dungeon Of Doom.
Kevin Owens vs Chris Jericho for the United States Championship (if Jericho wins, he goes to Smackdown)
Well, the blow off is here. It's funny that they're on separate shows now so they haven't really touched since Mania. Did you hear the clip of "Judas" by Fozzy? It had dancing babes in the background with fish eye camera lens. They're playing some festival in Europe where the open the main stage for Aerosmith. I was just happy to read that Orange Goblin is listed after Fozzy.
Roman Reigns vs BRAAUAUAUUUUUUAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN
Silly stuff. Braun destroying stuff every week is hilarious and fun. Roman is a lost cause. I guess this is the match to find out who faces Brock at....wait for it......Great Balls Of Fire! The greatest name for a PPV ever. Out of touch much? Shocked that Jerry Lee doesn't have a ™ on that one.
I'm excited that I figured out how to do ™. I'm going to ™ everything.
Hope all is well with you guys and you don't feel like death warmed over like I do. Enjoy all the NJPW or the Royal Rumbles you kids are watching. WEEEEEEE