January 26, 2014

Poncho's Late Royal Rumble Preview

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!So it's almost 8 o clock on Sunday night. That means the Rumble is basically over. I'm frazzled. Seriously frazzled. Basically, I send drunk texts to the Quarter Marshall on Saturday nights talking about ROH being on tv, and then I include funny little tidbits. Well...I haven't technically sent him a text on a Saturday night in a few weeks, but I'm always thinking about it.... because I figure I should embarrass myself in public and in text form while getting way too excited.  Anyways...here's a preview for something that I'm guessing you both already watched.

oh you didn't know!? I already watched this.

*weird screen flash*
DBD vs. Bray WyattI think I've enjoyed everything about this. I really enjoy the characters. The Shield won everything forever, and the Wyatt Family loses all the time...but are so compelling that they got/are getting over.

 Okay so here's my random weird thought about DBD that I have all the time, and I'm specifically mentioning this because I told someone to shut the fuck up during ROH last night because they were dragging "homo erotic wrestling jokes" into the ground for twenty minutes and it was driving me bonkers (then they would apologize and make more jokes). Anyways...sometimes when I watch DBD matches lately, and all because they keep telling us about how he's engaged to Brie Bella...I just think about them getting it on. Is it just me? Am I being an imaginary voyeur? Is this creepy? Or is it natural? Have I made you uncomfortable yet? Just tell me to shut the fuck up.
*weird screen flash*

Big Show vs Barack (sic) Lesnar
Did he F-5 him!?! Did he!?! That would be cool. Hey internet! Lesnar most likely can't ever legit fight again! Didn't he like...almost die and stuff? Quit telling me he's going to. Oh...by the way...a friend of mine's dad who works on movies blowing shit up (most recent was blowing cars up in The Last Stand) told me today that he always thought Andre The Giant was an asshole slob. Thought it was interesting.

John Cena vs Randy Orton
Just what I need. Another match with these two. These two going back and forth is what got me out of watching WWE for awhile. Neither are bad wrestlers. Both do their jobs very well. I JUST DON'T LIKE THEM. I don't unequivocally support the military. I don't wear Ed Hardy or Tapout t-shirts. I don't have tribal tattoos. I don't get a haircut every week. I wouldn't ever want to hang out with these people. I can't even remotely identify with them.

Royal Rumble Match
Speaking of tribal. Fuck Batista. His comment to ADR on twitter about (paraphrasing) being a B talent in a C era of wrestling really got my goat. Wrestling has been "down" since the end of the Monday Night Wars...and sorry....getting belly button tribal tattooed douches shoved down my throat (shoulda stuck to movies....I am actually stoked for him being in Guardians Of The Galaxy) is another reason I quit caring for awhile.

 If I was in the audience I'd want a sign saying "If Daniel Bryan doesn't win We Riot" and then I would quietly riot to myself in my chair. Probably crying. I cry! Maybe I'll  be surprised. You guys know the outcome...I guess the Vegas odds (which the favorite has never been wrong apparently?) are Batista wins (Batista vs. Orton snooze fest!?!? For the title!?!? The only title!?!). I'm glad that you two can read my anxiety online...since I'm the one that's usually more up to date.

Well....till the rocket fuel in my veins that has been brought down from space with the blood of all my warriors burns out and I turn back into a 148 pound DDP Yoga doing, cottage cheese eating, anxiety filled crier...I'm respectively yours....The Poncho Man

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