April 06, 2013

Poncho Man's Wrestlemania Preview

One day away from Wrestling Christmas. Are we excited? I don't know if you are, but I sure am. Maybe it's because I'm a huge mark and I always get excited for Wrestlemania. We kinda know it's not the most exciting show for a smark, and it's not supposed to be. It's supposed to be a cluster fuck of bad rappers, random Pee-Wee appearance, and a few good matches.

Honestly, I think this is actually a pretty well booked Wrestlemania. In the honor of Poncho Man's Positivity let's discuss why....

Wade Barrett vs The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship (Pre-Show)
This match makes me happy because I now hate The Miz. He's been so horrible lately. Partly because of what he's been given, but wow...he sucks. So yeah...the main eventer is now a Pre-Shower. I'm stoked. Good for him sucking.

Ryback vs. Mark Henry
So I get it. In the last two years they finally found a way to make a shitty wrestler awesome. Positive that this will be a bad match. Ryback will win. This is old school Vince at his best. Maybe the match I care least about.

Team Hell No vs Dolph and Big E for the Tag Belts
Okay. So AJ is the only thing holding this little feud together. I get it. It's totally pointless. Yet, I'm excited. I think this will be a really good match. Either were going to finally break up the boys, or Dolph will get BIG loss to prompt the BIG push. As in...no one cares about Jack Swagger and Del Rio.

Speaking of which....

Jack Swagger vs Del Rio for the Heavyweight Champion
I've enjoyed the build to this. I told a friend of mine that I felt this was Sgt. Slaughter vs Hogan/Wrestlemania XII level shit. I think I've gotten used to cheesy Smackdown builds. This is classic Smackdown...but with a weird political edge. I enjoy political commentary when it's kinda ambiguous, and is on a television show that usually steers clear of anything like this. That being said...I don't care who wins. It doesn't really matter. Hopefully it will be a good match, and I have fun watching it.

Randy, Sheamus, Show vs. The Shield
Remember The Shield's first match at TLC? That was awesome. I think this match will actually be awesome. I know you guys aren't a big fan of talking about what you think will happen, but I really want to...I think this is where Orton turns heel. Which will fucking suck balls if he joins The Shield. It will be exciting for a second, but then it will be like burying Dean Ambrose. Unless this is building to a feud. I don't know. I just have a big inkling because they've teased Show and Sheamus turning on their team. Yep.

Jericho vs. Fandango
Love it. Love it. Love it........Love it.

Triple H vs. Lesnar
I enjoyed the last match. I think I'll enjoy this match. I think we know who will win. It just doesn't matter. I'm sure it will be brutal and great.

Jericho vs. Fandango
Jon Lovitz.

Punk vs. Undertaker
Maybe it's because these guys are my two favorite wrestlers that still wrestle, but I've loved this build too. It's cheesy and perfect. Undertaker doing cheese, but with somebody that is actually a really good wrestler and not Mabel...is the whole reason I started watching wrestling. It's almost like Undertaker knows what I want to see him do at Wrestlemania. Just wrestle guys that I like. Wish he and Jericho had done something instead of like Batista or Big Show and Sweet T. We never really talked about Paul Bearer on this thing. I miss knowing that he's out there being scary. I don't care who wins. This will be great and I feel so much more invested than I was for Punk/Jericho last year.

Jericho vs. Fandango
Lyle Lovett

The Main Event.
If Cena turns heel...I'll eat a small hat....made out of cake. I really just want to go find what I had to say about last years match...and repost it...and I'm sure it's probably how I feel about this match.

Okay...so has my positivity taken you over? Are you stoked?! Never doubt the power of Wrestling Santa. See you guys here....Monday. Poncho Out.


  1. Nice. My stupid ipad is making it hard to comment, so briefly- i hope you're right about Ziggler, I hope you're wrong about Orton, but most of all I hope we have a big cakehat eating party tonight! Mmmmmm cakehat delicious! But tell us Poncho- don't leave us hanging- how do you feel about Team Funk versus the Scholars/Bellas????????

  2. I totally spaced on that match. So we got some babes with some big booties and we got some babes. By that I mean Rhodes and Sandow. I just hope Cody has a good showing. He always does and the Funkasaurus will lumber around and Tensai will not be able to show anything he can actually do. So I'll mostly just be entranced by that beautiful mustache. That wonderful happy magical mustache of magnificence.

    Only 20 minutes til the pre-show and about 8 hours until I actually watch the damn thing....SO EXCITED!