| Ring name | Real name | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Akam[3] | Sunny Dhinsa[4] | Like a real author...he is nowhere to be seen. He's the big one right? |
| Apollo Crews[5] | Sesugh Uhaa[6] | He smiles, is best friends with Tozawa, and does a mean backflip. |
| Baron Corbin[7] | Thomas Pestock[8] | Sucks |
| Big Show[9] | Paul Wight II[10] | Inactive; hip injury; Was kinda fun on Austin's podcast last week. Signed for another 3 years. Has abs. |
| Bo Dallas[11] | Taylor Rotunda[12] | This B Team is Social Rejects lite. I'm really beginning to not Bo-Lieve |
| Bobby Lashley[13] | Franklin Lashley | Made that Sami Zayn segment worse. Too bad because he was getting kinda interesting toward the end of his Impact run |
| Bobby Roode[14] | Robert Roode Jr.[15] | Why is he a babyface? He still acts like a heel. It's weird. |
| Braun Strowman[16] | Adam Scherr[17] | My prediction...they wait too long and he turns into Ryback. |
| Bray Wyatt[18] | Windham Rotunda[19] | WWE Raw Tag Team Champion; He's finally a babyface! Well, at least for awhile. I hope we get some more Deletion. |
| Brock Lesnar[20] | Brock Lesnar[21] | WWE Universal Champion; Too bad he's gonna beat Punk's record. I might be the only person still pumped to watch Brock matches. Yeah...it might be bad, but that is true of everyone. I still say the Brock/Goldberg feud was my favorite main roster feud of last year. |
| Chad Gable[22] | Charles Betts[23] | I'm Ready, Willing, And Gable for him to bring that back. This band is doing an instrumental version of Rocky Mountain Way and I hate it. |
| Curt Hawkins[24] | Brian Myers[25] | Is he out Horowitzing Barry? Always entertaining. |
| Curtis Axel[26] | Joseph Hennig[27] | He'll never not have a job. I'm glad Harry Smith left so he didn't become this. |
| Dash Wilder[28] | Daniel Wheeler[29] | He's the other one right? |
| Dean Ambrose[30] | Jonathan Good[31] | Inactive; triceps injury; Heard he got a haircut. He and Renee have a cute dog right? |
| Dolph Ziggler[32] | Nicholas Nemeth[33] | Huh, put him with Frax's buddy and he might get over again. |
| Drew McIntyre[34] | Andrew Galloway IV[35] | Speak of the devil. He's like Samoa Joe level fire right now. Hope they run with it. |
| Elias[36] | Jeffrey Sciullo | Problem is gonna be that he wrestles like a generic WWE product. |
| Fandango[37] | Curtis Hussey[38] | Been getting some good spots lately. I'm glad he got to the loveable always featured jobber spot. |
| Finn Bálor[39] | Fergal Devitt[40] | I don't want to see the Demon for awhile. Seems like he's getting over without it. It will be awesome when he brings it out foe a big Mania match. |
| Goldust[41] | Dustin Runnels[42] | Wish he was more than a stuttering movie obsessive...but still killing it. |
| Heath Slater[43] | Heath Miller[44] | Co-host of WWE Game Night; I heard a rumor that he has kids. |
| Jason Jordan[45] | Nathan Everhart[46] | Inactive, neck injury; I wonder how they came up with the name Jason Jordan. Nathan Everhart? Top knot just commented that I've been on my phone. |
| Jinder Mahal[47] | Yuvraj Dhesi[48] | Ha. People will cheer him over Roman. |
| Kane[49] | Glenn Jacobs[50] | Inactive; on hiatus to run for Mayor of Knox County, Tennessee; What's next? A conspiracy tv show or a cameo in the new Predator |
| Kevin Owens[51][52] | Kevin Steen | Can't think of anyrhing to say. He's great. |
| Konnor[53] | Ryan Parmeter[54] | He's no Viktor |
| Matt Hardy[55] | Matthew Hardy | WWE Raw Tag Team Champion, Only Matt Hardy and David Lynch can get a lawnmower over in their brilliant cinema. |
| Mike Kanellis[56] | Michael Bennett[57] | Remember that drug problem he had? Or having the least beloved new born of WWE wrestlers. Hope it didn't ruin Maria's ass. |
| Mojo Rawley[58] | Dean Muhtadi[59] | So not hype. |
| No Way Jose[60] | Levis Valenzuela Jr.[61] | It's like he was specifically created because Vince loved Rosebuds, but Adam Rose sucked. |
| Rezar[62] | Gzim Selmani[4] | Isn't Gzim a British Hardcore band? He's the big one right? |
| Rhyno[63] | Terrance Gerin[64] | I like that he likes crackers |
| Roman Reigns[65] | Leati Anoa'i[66] | Would you let him go down on you if he told you he loved you? |
| Sami Zayn[67][68] | Rami Sebei | I like that itssomehow cannon that evil Sami Zayn makes fun of trans people. |
| Scott Dawson[69] | David Harwood[70] | He's the one with the good facial hair. |
| Seth Rollins[71] | Colby Lopez[72] | WWE Intercontinental Champion; Has had a really good past couple months. I'm sure his dog couldn't be prouder. |
| Titus O'Neil[73] | Thaddeus Bullard Sr.[74] | I heard he's gonna be in a Marvel movie. |
| Tyler Breeze[75] | Mattias Clement[76] | It's cool that he just appeared at a NXT show. I miss his whole theme song. |
| Viktor[77] | Eric Thompson[78] | The greatest. |
| Zack Ryder[79] | Matthew Cardona[80] The last box doesnt exist, but The band literally just stopped And top knot gave me shit about Writing this. Fuck him. |
