September 11, 2016

Lash of Back Preview

Dear Brother Quarter and Brother Nickles,
Thought I'd do a quick pareeview. If I could I'd type this all out Mark Twain style in "Broken" speak, but I think I'm a little too lazy for such an intensive undertaking.
      Just to set the seen, I'm currently in the middle of 1997 WCW and deep in the Kevin Sullivan/Chris Benoit feud. I can tell you this, the feud is so much better when you see the PPV matches and the viciousness they pulled out of each other. I could have seen myself being more of a Benoit fan back in the day if I'd seen these. Alas, It's really creepy to watch somebody be lovey dovey, cut intense promos where you talk about souls, and then repeat the word soul in nonsensical ways and know what happens 10 years later. Sorry for the bummer. This has been the first time re-watching WCW that it's really been prevalent, probably due to the reality based storyline and what not. Ick

The Usos vs The Hype Bros
Oh goody. Heel Usos against a perennial underdog who has been made completely unlikable by his completely unlikable partner. Sounds exactly like what I want to watch. The winner will go on to face....

Heath Slater and Rhyno vs Dog Shit For Kids
Way to go Smackdown. Your inaugural WWE Smackdown Tag Team Champions are going to be Dog Shit or an ad hoc team whose goal is to save their above ground pool for their six (seventeen?) children. I'm not saying I don't enjoy Slater and Rhyno, but unless they have a really long run with these belts they aren't being legitimized by this. I'm probably just pointing out the obvious.

The Miz vs Dolph Ziggler
The Miz cuts a great promo on DBD, only to be challenged by Dolph Ziggler? Who lost his WWE Real Championship title shot at the last PPV? When did he last win a match (other than randomly pinning AJ Styles to earn the title shot)? Huh. Yeah.

Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt
Prediction: After getting destroyed last month by a Filth Blood, our "hero" must get his fire back by beating the "villian" who everyone cheers for and is generally behind. Our "villian" never wins matches because he's believed to be so over that nothing harms him. Except logically when story is repeated, and repeated (see above match competitor 2), and it becomes obvious that "villian" doesn't win matches, he just makes his opponents questions their beliefs for a few weeks by cutting intriguing promos (that also don't go anywhere). Huh....apparently today I'm down on the product. Actually, Smackdown is fairly entertaining....I'm just confused by the booking, so I need to  just be less of a mark and just watch.

I just watched Randy Savage join the NWO. He had been hanging out with Sting for a few months, but he randomly gave Hogan some brass knuckles to pop Roddy Piper in the head. This is almost as logical as Smackdown.

 Alexa Bliss vs Becky Lynch vs Carmella vs Naomi vs Natalya vs Nikki Bella for the WWE Smackdown Women's Title
Oh man. Does just reading those names bring great confidence to your head? 5 Star Classic? 6 matches announced. Is it a 3 hour show? Maybe everything will get lots of time. Or maybe we'll get a random Baron Corbin vs Apollo Crews match thrown in? Anyways, I'll be over here cheering for Alexa.

Dean Ambrose vs AJ Styles for the WWE Real Championship
Anybody watch the Austin interview with Ambrose? Austin challenging Ambrose to turn it up. Ambrose responding with feigning indignation. I think Alvarez said something on the Observer podcast about how WWE is a very different place from when Austin got there. I think Austin just wants the character to always work. Half the time it does, and half the time it comes across as Norm Macdonald's Burt Reynolds. Know something that does work? The new Face That Runs The Place. Corny AJ seems to have channeled his inner Chris Jericho and is both the most badass wrestler in WWE and the silliest. He seems to be on a roll. It's his time. Which is why they probably won't do it.

I think Broken Matt was even better on the Sam Roberts Podcast a few weeks (months?) back. Roberts played along a little better than Jericho did. The animals made me the happiest.

I watched all of "The Evolution Of Punk." I watched Press conferences before and after. I watched the fight. I payed nothing. Good for Punk. Got some cauliflower ear in the process. The narrative is weird. I'm shocked Joe Rogan didn't just say something like "well...this proves wrestlers aren't tough." The narrative turned into "everyone is impressed you actually got in there." Too bad Bobby Lashley is a heavyweight...because otherwise that would be Punk's next fight in Bellator. MMA is weird.

Haven't seen any Chikara all year and would feel horrible starting at KOT because most of the fun is the story. It's just too bad the story wasn't anywhere near as compelling last year and it ended up making me lose interest this year. Maybe, one of these days, I'll make a blanket fort and not come out until I'm caught up with Chikara.

I rambled enough. My final hope. All matches get time and it doesn't just turn into a bunch of network commercials with 10 minute matches. Maybe I'm crazy. Woo.

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