Bananas, carrots, gummi worms, ice cream? Did you forget the sausages, popsicles, cucumbers, and hot white cum?
It was super to read a new post on here. Things have been quiet since the draft. There are some questions posed in the preview, so I'm delighted to respond. It's the closest I'll get to a wrestling conversation today, or any time soon, probably.
Oh, not a question, but I marked out harder for Scott Norton than Goldberg. Like, way harder.
On the question of Sheamus' appeal: On this very website, one can go back and chronicle the rise and fall of my personal esteem of Sheamus. I thought he was a fun bad guy in 2011, and when he won the Royal Rumble in 2012 I totally marked out. It's all on tape, it's an interesting one to go back and listen to-- I think I do it every year around Royal Rumble time to hear what a happy WWE mark I used to be. Part of the question is: was he that much better, or was I just way more of a mark? I'll never really know. But what I do know is that yes, within 8 months of Sheamus becoming a good guy, he became the saccharine, shit-eating dingbat that his character has not (to date) fully recovered from. I would love to see him regain the charismatic twinkle he used to provide, but what's maybe more the point is that his move set has been stagnant for a long time, and his matches are WWE cookie cutter to the point that I've heard him be singled out as being one of the "most WWE" on the entire roster. Ironically, that's not good for anyone. Still, I loved his double-countout with Cesaro. I think a gradual face turn as a new kind of character, connected to Cesaro, where they can have each others' backs could get over and give Sheamus a wider appeal, and Cesaro something worthwhile to keep him busy not winning singles titles. That was a long-winded response, I must really be jonesin for some wrestletalk!
What does this male femenist think about the Divas going on last or not? Impossible for me to answer because I haven't been watching the TV. If they have the hottest feud going, it could go on last. If it's debatable whether they or Owens/Rollins have to hottest feud, then it depends on the creative of the matches. If one of their matches has a run-in, or a big surprise, it goes on last. If one of them has an emotional title change, it goes on last. If one of them has a huge cell spot, it goes on last. The principal tenet of femenism, as I understand and practice it is: what difference does it make if they're women?
I have to acknowledge that it's impressive and awesome that Flair, Banks, Lynch, Emmalina, etc have proved their capability as rad wrestlers to the point of being an integral part of the shows, but if people are talking about how they're female, and not the angle, then the angle has gotten too meta. With so much talk being generated about it, it's probably best just to put them on last to shut everyone up (for now).
Has there been a good HIAC match lately? The first one that comes to mind was between Daniel Bryan and a Hall-of-Pain-era Mark Henry on Smackdown in 2011. Actually, I just looked this up, and of course it wasn't a HIAC match, it was a regular cage match. But I was a total mark for both of them at the time (still am), I thought it was a great tv match (just rewatched it-- still do), and that has apparently eclipsed my appreciation for any actual HIAC match in the last 5 years. If you want to watch it, the only video I could find is in German: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNW0CDOQHio I just tried to check the wrestlingmachine archive to see if I saved a better copy, but I think a recent storm shorted out its memory. Fucking heartbreaking. Good thing my XWT-Classics ratio is so high! Hope they still have those sweet mid-90's AJPW packs on there.
Am I staying hyped? Well, between not really caring about tonight's PPV and just finding out that my wrestling archive is toast... the beer helps.
I actually am hyped about New Japan though. And ready to give ROH another chance, as I've been skipping their TVs for several months, but they do some good stuff sometimes. I'm definitely not hyped on WWE, but I'll keep an open mind when I check out Owens/Rollins and Flair/Banks, since they come Poncho-approved. QM out!
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This was too long to post as a comment by a margin of 181 characters. If I had left out the snickering phallus opener and Scott Norton confession, that would have been more than enough to bring it all down to size, but what fun would that be?
October 31, 2016
October 30, 2016
Hell In A Cell Preview
The Marshall literally just reminded me about doing a preview. So I shall do one. It's Halloween Eve. I just went and got Bananas, Carrots, Gummi Worms, and some Ice Cream. If I dress up tomorrow, I'm probably going to recycle my DX Shawn Michaels costume. I was thinking about doing current Shawn though...Camo hat, jeans tucked into boots....but only big nerds would realize I'm not just "generic redneck."
I watched a Pro Wrestling Noah show this week "The Great Voyage" that I thought was descent, but reviews I read weren't very positive. Maybe I was just enjoying something different? Or actually some of the reviews just said it was predictable, and since I don't watch much NOAH...it wasn't for me.
Hear that Scott "Flash" Norton is coming back to NJPW for Wrestle Kingdom? Hopefully just for the NJ Rumble.
So yeah here's a preview....Smackdown continues to be a far more watchable and entertaining show than RAW. They're telling stories. RAW is a place where definable characters interact, and you only really enjoy Jericho and Owens.
Cedric Alexander, Lince Dorado, and Sin Cara vs Tony Nese, Drew Gulak, and Ariya Daivari
Woo...Cruiserweights. This is on the preshow. These guys will do some stuff. Gulak will tie somebody up. Tony Nese will do some flippies and be ripped. Sin Cara will illicit no emotion from any of us. Oh, and everything will be purple.
Bayley vs Dana Brooke
They did an old school arm wrestling gimmick on RAW last week. I really enjoyed it, until the crowd started chanting "boring." I really wanted Braxton to show up and yell at the crowd. Filler that I'm okay with.
Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs The Club
The Club has certainly gotten a little buried in the mix here. They probably should have won the Tag Titles, but apparently Vince didn't want them to be hot heels. I'm not that worried about it. They've been given/done some really horrible skits, but cream rises and when they get to be themselves...I'm sure it will get over. More filler that I'm okay with.
The New Day vs Cesaro and Sheamus for the WWE Raw Tag Team Championship
A tag match where 4 out of the 5 guys involved are beloved. Seems like they're trying to make Sheamus a face again. He never really connected with me before, and continues that streak now, but I felt like I disliked him more as a face. Wasn't he really saccharine?
TJ Perkins vs Brian Kendrick for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Was trying to think if I give a flying fuck. Brian Kendrick begged TJP to lay down and let him win for his family. Now I have sympathy for him. Confusing stuff. I listened to TJP on a podcast (I think Jericho's) and I kinda cared less about him.
Roman Reigns vs Rusev for the US Championship In A Cell
The supposed show opener. Rusev has been the angry babyface in this feud. He showed pictures of his family of immigrants and talked about them being his role models. Then Reigns made fun of him. They've done a good job of making me hate Reigns even more lately. He also hates marriage sooooo much.
Kevin Owens vs Seth Rollins for the WWE Universal Championship In A Cell
Jericho will get involved in this. Somebody will make "The List." They probably won't be Best Friends anymore. Seth Rollins is an unlikable babyface. He seems like a cog in the story rather than part of a main event. Hope the match is good. Oh...and RAW last week...Owens power bombed Rollins on the apron and Cole yelled "That apron power bomb has taken weeks off of careers."
Sasha Banks vs Charlotte for the WWE Raw Women's Championship In A Cell
The supposed Main Main Event. They really should have advertised the Women being the main event if they were gonna be the main event. Or not. Feminists might argue it should just be the main event and not make it a big deal. What do you fellow male feminists think? The story has been that they're excited to fight in a cage....while Mick Foley is trying to remind them that cages are scary.
Has there been a good Hell In A Cell match in years? I guess the Brock vs Taker one was kinda memorable. The Triple H vs Taker at Mania a few years ago? Oh, I kinda liked Shane vs Taker for telling a better story than most matches on Mania. Can you think of any more?
Well...I'll be over here watching it. Are you staying Hyped?
I watched a Pro Wrestling Noah show this week "The Great Voyage" that I thought was descent, but reviews I read weren't very positive. Maybe I was just enjoying something different? Or actually some of the reviews just said it was predictable, and since I don't watch much NOAH...it wasn't for me.
Hear that Scott "Flash" Norton is coming back to NJPW for Wrestle Kingdom? Hopefully just for the NJ Rumble.
So yeah here's a preview....Smackdown continues to be a far more watchable and entertaining show than RAW. They're telling stories. RAW is a place where definable characters interact, and you only really enjoy Jericho and Owens.
Cedric Alexander, Lince Dorado, and Sin Cara vs Tony Nese, Drew Gulak, and Ariya Daivari
Woo...Cruiserweights. This is on the preshow. These guys will do some stuff. Gulak will tie somebody up. Tony Nese will do some flippies and be ripped. Sin Cara will illicit no emotion from any of us. Oh, and everything will be purple.
Bayley vs Dana Brooke
They did an old school arm wrestling gimmick on RAW last week. I really enjoyed it, until the crowd started chanting "boring." I really wanted Braxton to show up and yell at the crowd. Filler that I'm okay with.
Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs The Club
The Club has certainly gotten a little buried in the mix here. They probably should have won the Tag Titles, but apparently Vince didn't want them to be hot heels. I'm not that worried about it. They've been given/done some really horrible skits, but cream rises and when they get to be themselves...I'm sure it will get over. More filler that I'm okay with.
The New Day vs Cesaro and Sheamus for the WWE Raw Tag Team Championship
A tag match where 4 out of the 5 guys involved are beloved. Seems like they're trying to make Sheamus a face again. He never really connected with me before, and continues that streak now, but I felt like I disliked him more as a face. Wasn't he really saccharine?
TJ Perkins vs Brian Kendrick for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Was trying to think if I give a flying fuck. Brian Kendrick begged TJP to lay down and let him win for his family. Now I have sympathy for him. Confusing stuff. I listened to TJP on a podcast (I think Jericho's) and I kinda cared less about him.
Roman Reigns vs Rusev for the US Championship In A Cell
The supposed show opener. Rusev has been the angry babyface in this feud. He showed pictures of his family of immigrants and talked about them being his role models. Then Reigns made fun of him. They've done a good job of making me hate Reigns even more lately. He also hates marriage sooooo much.
Kevin Owens vs Seth Rollins for the WWE Universal Championship In A Cell
Jericho will get involved in this. Somebody will make "The List." They probably won't be Best Friends anymore. Seth Rollins is an unlikable babyface. He seems like a cog in the story rather than part of a main event. Hope the match is good. Oh...and RAW last week...Owens power bombed Rollins on the apron and Cole yelled "That apron power bomb has taken weeks off of careers."
Sasha Banks vs Charlotte for the WWE Raw Women's Championship In A Cell
The supposed Main Main Event. They really should have advertised the Women being the main event if they were gonna be the main event. Or not. Feminists might argue it should just be the main event and not make it a big deal. What do you fellow male feminists think? The story has been that they're excited to fight in a cage....while Mick Foley is trying to remind them that cages are scary.
Has there been a good Hell In A Cell match in years? I guess the Brock vs Taker one was kinda memorable. The Triple H vs Taker at Mania a few years ago? Oh, I kinda liked Shane vs Taker for telling a better story than most matches on Mania. Can you think of any more?
Well...I'll be over here watching it. Are you staying Hyped?
September 11, 2016
Lash of Back Preview
Dear Brother Quarter and Brother Nickles,
Thought I'd do a quick pareeview. If I could I'd type this all out Mark Twain style in "Broken" speak, but I think I'm a little too lazy for such an intensive undertaking.
Just to set the seen, I'm currently in the middle of 1997 WCW and deep in the Kevin Sullivan/Chris Benoit feud. I can tell you this, the feud is so much better when you see the PPV matches and the viciousness they pulled out of each other. I could have seen myself being more of a Benoit fan back in the day if I'd seen these. Alas, It's really creepy to watch somebody be lovey dovey, cut intense promos where you talk about souls, and then repeat the word soul in nonsensical ways and know what happens 10 years later. Sorry for the bummer. This has been the first time re-watching WCW that it's really been prevalent, probably due to the reality based storyline and what not. Ick
The Usos vs The Hype Bros
Oh goody. Heel Usos against a perennial underdog who has been made completely unlikable by his completely unlikable partner. Sounds exactly like what I want to watch. The winner will go on to face....
Heath Slater and Rhyno vs Dog Shit For Kids
Way to go Smackdown. Your inaugural WWE Smackdown Tag Team Champions are going to be Dog Shit or an ad hoc team whose goal is to save their above ground pool for their six (seventeen?) children. I'm not saying I don't enjoy Slater and Rhyno, but unless they have a really long run with these belts they aren't being legitimized by this. I'm probably just pointing out the obvious.
The Miz vs Dolph Ziggler
The Miz cuts a great promo on DBD, only to be challenged by Dolph Ziggler? Who lost his WWE Real Championship title shot at the last PPV? When did he last win a match (other than randomly pinning AJ Styles to earn the title shot)? Huh. Yeah.
Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt
Prediction: After getting destroyed last month by a Filth Blood, our "hero" must get his fire back by beating the "villian" who everyone cheers for and is generally behind. Our "villian" never wins matches because he's believed to be so over that nothing harms him. Except logically when story is repeated, and repeated (see above match competitor 2), and it becomes obvious that "villian" doesn't win matches, he just makes his opponents questions their beliefs for a few weeks by cutting intriguing promos (that also don't go anywhere). Huh....apparently today I'm down on the product. Actually, Smackdown is fairly entertaining....I'm just confused by the booking, so I need to just be less of a mark and just watch.
I just watched Randy Savage join the NWO. He had been hanging out with Sting for a few months, but he randomly gave Hogan some brass knuckles to pop Roddy Piper in the head. This is almost as logical as Smackdown.
Alexa Bliss vs Becky Lynch vs Carmella vs Naomi vs Natalya vs Nikki Bella for the WWE Smackdown Women's Title
Oh man. Does just reading those names bring great confidence to your head? 5 Star Classic? 6 matches announced. Is it a 3 hour show? Maybe everything will get lots of time. Or maybe we'll get a random Baron Corbin vs Apollo Crews match thrown in? Anyways, I'll be over here cheering for Alexa.
Dean Ambrose vs AJ Styles for the WWE Real Championship
Anybody watch the Austin interview with Ambrose? Austin challenging Ambrose to turn it up. Ambrose responding with feigning indignation. I think Alvarez said something on the Observer podcast about how WWE is a very different place from when Austin got there. I think Austin just wants the character to always work. Half the time it does, and half the time it comes across as Norm Macdonald's Burt Reynolds. Know something that does work? The new Face That Runs The Place. Corny AJ seems to have channeled his inner Chris Jericho and is both the most badass wrestler in WWE and the silliest. He seems to be on a roll. It's his time. Which is why they probably won't do it.
I think Broken Matt was even better on the Sam Roberts Podcast a few weeks (months?) back. Roberts played along a little better than Jericho did. The animals made me the happiest.
I watched all of "The Evolution Of Punk." I watched Press conferences before and after. I watched the fight. I payed nothing. Good for Punk. Got some cauliflower ear in the process. The narrative is weird. I'm shocked Joe Rogan didn't just say something like "well...this proves wrestlers aren't tough." The narrative turned into "everyone is impressed you actually got in there." Too bad Bobby Lashley is a heavyweight...because otherwise that would be Punk's next fight in Bellator. MMA is weird.
Haven't seen any Chikara all year and would feel horrible starting at KOT because most of the fun is the story. It's just too bad the story wasn't anywhere near as compelling last year and it ended up making me lose interest this year. Maybe, one of these days, I'll make a blanket fort and not come out until I'm caught up with Chikara.
I rambled enough. My final hope. All matches get time and it doesn't just turn into a bunch of network commercials with 10 minute matches. Maybe I'm crazy. Woo.
Thought I'd do a quick pareeview. If I could I'd type this all out Mark Twain style in "Broken" speak, but I think I'm a little too lazy for such an intensive undertaking.
Just to set the seen, I'm currently in the middle of 1997 WCW and deep in the Kevin Sullivan/Chris Benoit feud. I can tell you this, the feud is so much better when you see the PPV matches and the viciousness they pulled out of each other. I could have seen myself being more of a Benoit fan back in the day if I'd seen these. Alas, It's really creepy to watch somebody be lovey dovey, cut intense promos where you talk about souls, and then repeat the word soul in nonsensical ways and know what happens 10 years later. Sorry for the bummer. This has been the first time re-watching WCW that it's really been prevalent, probably due to the reality based storyline and what not. Ick
The Usos vs The Hype Bros
Oh goody. Heel Usos against a perennial underdog who has been made completely unlikable by his completely unlikable partner. Sounds exactly like what I want to watch. The winner will go on to face....
Heath Slater and Rhyno vs Dog Shit For Kids
Way to go Smackdown. Your inaugural WWE Smackdown Tag Team Champions are going to be Dog Shit or an ad hoc team whose goal is to save their above ground pool for their six (seventeen?) children. I'm not saying I don't enjoy Slater and Rhyno, but unless they have a really long run with these belts they aren't being legitimized by this. I'm probably just pointing out the obvious.
The Miz vs Dolph Ziggler
The Miz cuts a great promo on DBD, only to be challenged by Dolph Ziggler? Who lost his WWE Real Championship title shot at the last PPV? When did he last win a match (other than randomly pinning AJ Styles to earn the title shot)? Huh. Yeah.
Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt
Prediction: After getting destroyed last month by a Filth Blood, our "hero" must get his fire back by beating the "villian" who everyone cheers for and is generally behind. Our "villian" never wins matches because he's believed to be so over that nothing harms him. Except logically when story is repeated, and repeated (see above match competitor 2), and it becomes obvious that "villian" doesn't win matches, he just makes his opponents questions their beliefs for a few weeks by cutting intriguing promos (that also don't go anywhere). Huh....apparently today I'm down on the product. Actually, Smackdown is fairly entertaining....I'm just confused by the booking, so I need to just be less of a mark and just watch.
I just watched Randy Savage join the NWO. He had been hanging out with Sting for a few months, but he randomly gave Hogan some brass knuckles to pop Roddy Piper in the head. This is almost as logical as Smackdown.
Alexa Bliss vs Becky Lynch vs Carmella vs Naomi vs Natalya vs Nikki Bella for the WWE Smackdown Women's Title
Oh man. Does just reading those names bring great confidence to your head? 5 Star Classic? 6 matches announced. Is it a 3 hour show? Maybe everything will get lots of time. Or maybe we'll get a random Baron Corbin vs Apollo Crews match thrown in? Anyways, I'll be over here cheering for Alexa.
Dean Ambrose vs AJ Styles for the WWE Real Championship
Anybody watch the Austin interview with Ambrose? Austin challenging Ambrose to turn it up. Ambrose responding with feigning indignation. I think Alvarez said something on the Observer podcast about how WWE is a very different place from when Austin got there. I think Austin just wants the character to always work. Half the time it does, and half the time it comes across as Norm Macdonald's Burt Reynolds. Know something that does work? The new Face That Runs The Place. Corny AJ seems to have channeled his inner Chris Jericho and is both the most badass wrestler in WWE and the silliest. He seems to be on a roll. It's his time. Which is why they probably won't do it.
I think Broken Matt was even better on the Sam Roberts Podcast a few weeks (months?) back. Roberts played along a little better than Jericho did. The animals made me the happiest.
I watched all of "The Evolution Of Punk." I watched Press conferences before and after. I watched the fight. I payed nothing. Good for Punk. Got some cauliflower ear in the process. The narrative is weird. I'm shocked Joe Rogan didn't just say something like "well...this proves wrestlers aren't tough." The narrative turned into "everyone is impressed you actually got in there." Too bad Bobby Lashley is a heavyweight...because otherwise that would be Punk's next fight in Bellator. MMA is weird.
Haven't seen any Chikara all year and would feel horrible starting at KOT because most of the fun is the story. It's just too bad the story wasn't anywhere near as compelling last year and it ended up making me lose interest this year. Maybe, one of these days, I'll make a blanket fort and not come out until I'm caught up with Chikara.
I rambled enough. My final hope. All matches get time and it doesn't just turn into a bunch of network commercials with 10 minute matches. Maybe I'm crazy. Woo.
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